98. Joy and Despair

Seff didn’t blame Hawthorn for his confusion.
“So…that’s it? The two oldest, angriest, vengeful werewolves obsessed with you—one tore the other’s *ear* off just to have you—are just going to let you leave? As if they’re not planning revenge? What if—”
Seff reached up to take his face between her hands. “Hush,” she said with a small smile.
Her cheery Alpha beamed but grinned devilishly. “Make me.”
“Come here, then.”
Hawthorn bent at the waist to press a lingering kiss to her lips. They were alone in her room—soon to be happily *former*—, Wisteria having gone back to Allium’s. Hyacinth was locked up in an emptied one next door guarded by three Alpha males and most likely still knocked unconscious.
Against her mouth, Hawthorn muttered, “Can we have celebratory sex?”
Her cheeks and core flamed. She shoved him away lightly, scowling at his silent laughter. “Not—”
“Yet?”
“*Now*. Allium—”
There was a rap at the door before it opened, said she-wolf slipping inside, Wisteria and Rush close behind. She saw Seff and immediately crushed her in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Pulling out of the embrace, she smacked Seff upside the head.
“Ow,” Seff protested, too happy to be annoyed.
“You put yourself in so much danger!”
“Fighting a Sun Alpha wasn’t?”
“No, because this was *the* Sun Alpha—*and* the Moon Luna!”
Seff drew Allium to her bed; Wisteria, Rush, and Hawthorn moved to the couch pit, listening quietly as Seff regaled every detail Allium missed since the fight at the river.
When Seff finished, she was left with a pit still in her stomach. She gripped Allium’s hand tighter, glimpsing her parents’ tense shoulders—but then Allium’s eyes lit up.
“So we can all go home now?”
Every Magnolia whirled to stare. Seff’s jaw dropped. Allium giggled and closed it for her. “You…you want to leave the Sun harem?” Seff managed to ask.
Allium scoffed as if she was the one surprised. “Well, yes! There was too much blood, betrayal, and *murder*. I thought I would be lounging in a giant bathtub with expensive wine by now, living the rest of my days in carefree luxury…but instead, I’m worried about my friends recovering from an attack by who’s supposed to be a trusted packmate! I nearly lost my best friend”—she squeezed Seff’s hand even tighter—“because I got lost in my own fantasy. Now… I just want to go back to how things used to be.”
She looked from each parent to Hawthorn and back to Seff. “Never thought I would say no to Kiran Cyrus, did we?”
Relief swelled inside Seff’s chest so much that tears blurred her vision. “I’m sure Warrin will be very satisfied to hear that.”
Allium wiped away her own stray tear. “Of course he will, I’m his favorite fuck buddy. I…I missed him.”
Seff smiled softly. “Then let’s go see him.”
Her best friend straightened, again scanning her parents. “Now? What about Hyacinth?”
Wisteria had told her about Hyacinth’s unforgivable crime earlier. She felt no remorse for him, admitting he always gave her a bad feeling. Now, she abruptly held Seff tightly and murmured, “It’s a good thing you have a second family who loves you just as much.”
That urged more tears to fall onto her cheeks.
Wisteria padded over and rested a hand on Seff’s head. “You have a home with us whenever you need it, Seff.”
“Yes,” Hawthorn suddenly announced loudly from the couch pit, “but she’s living in mine.”
This was too much joy to process. Seff hid her mouth behind her hand. “Really?”
He nodded seriously. “When you promise someone ‘I love you’ it’s obligatory that you live together.”
Seff couldn’t hold back the yip that burst from her throat and leapt into Hawthorn’s arms. She buried her face in his shoulder, scenting the familiar musk under the salt of her tears.
Finally, after so long… Seff felt like she didn’t have to dread the future ahead of her.
-
The Ren family bid farewell shortly after deciding it best to wait until a reasonable hour before planning whatever came next. Seff didn’t ask Allium about her potential miscarriage, nor did she mention that she still needed to talk to Selene and Kiran one last time.
Or that she wanted to ask—to demand—Selene to take her to the garden where Kiran killed her mate—Seff’s second past life.
The door locked, the Amaranth records hidden behind the vanity, Hawthorn sat on the edge of the bed, patting the spot beside him. Instead Seff threw herself on top of him so they rolled and collapsed in the middle of the bed in a messy tangle of limbs. Seff was full to bursting with joy, chest inflated with laughter that she tried to hold back even as Hawthorn’s vibrated through her bones.
They settled, Hawthorn on his back with Seff’s head nestled under his chin, fingers ticking her back as he played with her hair. “So…are you going to answer my question?”
“I recall you asking several,” Seff hummed, her hand slipping underneath his shirt to trace the planes of his stomach and chest.
His body went taut at a wire and he had to clear his throat to specify, “‘Is that it?’ We get to go home tomorrow and the jealous, dangerous, invincible Alphas *aren’t* going to keep pursuing you?”
Her laugh fizzled out, smile dimming. “You’re afraid of them, aren’t you?”
“I’m just afraid for you. They’re unpredictable.”
“They are,” she admitted. “But they keep their deals and promises. When it comes to me…Selene and Kiran almost always did what I asked. I made them see that they were making things worse by the day, and I could see that they finally reached acceptance—I’m not their dead mates, and they should stop trying. As long as they have Zinnia and Calla’s records, I think that’s all they need to move on.”
Seff untucked herself to meet her green eyes to his. “Yes, I think this is it. This nightmare is finally over.”
His smile was wistful. “I’m glad,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “How’s your spine?”
She wriggled all her extremities to soothe her irrational thought that she could still be paralyzed. It had twinged when she ran to stop Altan from attacking Selene—which had gone over only slightly well—as if the nerves hadn’t fully healed. But now… “It’s all better I think. My neck and stomach too.”
Hawthorn’s fingers stuttered. “You got hurt there?”
Hers playing with the waistband of his pants did as well. “Yes—I mean, when I woke up they hurt…but not anymore.”
Seff was sure he had been imagining them having sex by now, but all that happened next was silence and stillness. Instead of heat building in her gut, it was dread growing like sinking rocks.
“Seff,” Hawthorn whispered, holding her tighter, “how did Zinnia and Calla die?”
Panic started to close in on her. The room felt smaller, Hawthorn’s skin warmer, her own limbs heavier. “I…” Her voice rasped. “I don’t know.”
“What if…”
*Don’t say it!* The thought howled in her mind as Seff bolted into sitting, turning her back to him. “Let’s just forget it and have sex like you suggested.”
She wondered why males had to think intelligently only when they didn’t particularly need to when Hawthorn said quietly, “What if, at the river, you were dying…and you felt Zinnia and Calla’s pain that they felt when *they* were dying?”
The silence that followed was deafening.
Seff stared at her trembling fingers. “I tried not to think about that.”
“Oh.” Hawthorn’s voice was colored with guilt. His arm snaked around her torso, trying to pull her back against his chest. “Oh. Seff, I’m sorry. You’re right, let’s just forget and have sex—”
“No, it’s okay.” She really, *really* wanted to fuck Hawthorn, but he already woke through a dam she just finished building. She slipped from his grasp and off the bed, padding over to the vanity. “I won’t ask Kiran or Selene. I’ll find out for myself.”
Hawthorn leapt up. “Seff, wait! Hold on, think about this—”
She already pushed aside the vanity and was holding the box—the Amaranth records—open in her arms. She spun out of reach when Hawthorn tried to snatch it out of her hands. “What, I thought you wanted me to read these?” she snapped suddenly.
His brows knitted in hurt. Regret filled her veins. “Hawthorn, oh gods, I’m sorry—”
He shook his head. “You didn’t mean it, I know. I just want you to be careful. I hate that I even said that theory out loud. After the courtyard, I really saw how crazy this all is—how those papers made everyone go insane. I don’t trust them. I don’t think you should read them anymore.”
“So I should burn them?”
“That’s up to you,” he said softly, pinning her with a rarely solemn expression. “But I think they’re a disaster waiting to happen.”