30. Feeling Stupidly Maternal

It wasn’t just the news that two names were added to Kiran’s roster that made Selene rip down her curtains.
In silvery heap around her, chest heaving, Lona leaned in the doorway. “You do remember that one: you have *two* Omegas about to give birth any day; and two: three of your five Chosen are in their heats. We’ve never had that good luck before. Take advantage of it—it’ll be a huge leap ahead of that bastard. Plus,” she added, “those two Omegas are both having triplets. Forget that Kiran has two. You’ll have *six*.”
That was true.
One of the Contest rules was that they had to be *truthful* about their lists and their numbers. The Alphas weren’t allowed to see the lists; their Deltas were in charge of exchanging the updates by having a halfway meet-up after every birth. Selene would love to report to Kiran himself once the six pups were born just to see the look on his face.
It made her grin.
Lona grew apprehensive. “But you just want Seff.”
The smile snapped off and Selene crossed her office. Lona trailed after her to the harem living space. It was a massacre of ageless furniture. She already sent some of her Betas on a shopping spree to refurnish the entire place head to toe. Seeing her sacred space ravished made her immeasurably outraged. Kiran and his lesser Alphas were prepared to hurt or kill her Omegas—two of them the aforementioned—on a simple command from their sire.
And he was just cradling his two new pups somewhere as if nothing ever happened.
She was irritated that she was suddenly struck with the want to do the same. Sometimes she felt maternal; it was irrational and overdone, but she secretly enjoyed holding the life she helped bring into the world. Two months since the last birth felt like a draught. But six! Oh, she and her Omegas would have their paws full.
But yes, Selene just wanted Seff Bleize.
“With all these pregnancies,” Selene said, her mind churning with trains of thoughts crossing, “it’s bound to cause some kind of strife. Elio sent a letter.” Selene had it clutched in her fist; she handed it to Lona, who smoothed it out to read. “She has a best friend named Allium, who is two weeks shy of testing positive. If their friendship is strong enough—Seff chose Kiran to be with her, which is a test of friendship enough—then she will stay to protect her. Which is another reason preventing us from being together.
“Because if Seff continues to ‘be disloyal’ so to speak, then Kiran will retaliate by hurting Allium. It’s already happened,” she said with gritted teeth. She didn’t want Seff hurt, so by association, she didn’t want her friends punished. “And I am confident in saying that no one wants that.”
Lona was trying to catch her Luna’s trains. “What are you going to do then? Selene, no matter how much you both want Seff, there is no time limit on trying to win her love.”
“There is if she starts to. They are always within walking distance. Between us, there are forests and walls and death. I do not see a bright side.” Selene felt a dull ache in her chest.
“You could tell her the truth.”
Selene whirled on Lona, who to her credit did not flinch. “If she knows the truth,” Selene said slowly through gritted teeth, “then it will only drive her away—from both of us.”
Her Delta crossed her arms. “So, what? You’re both going to pull her this way and that like pups playing tug-of-war until she admits to being in love with one of you that you can tell her that she’s—”
“Don’t say it out loud,” snarled Selene. In the couch pit, some of the Betas risked a look up at their Luna’s distress. Quieter she said, “For the first time in my godsdamned long-ass life, I don’t have a plan.”
“You just want to continue your life from seventy years ago as if Calla never went away,” Lona said flatly.
Selene clenched her jaw and resisted the urge to lash out her claws. She hated—*hated*—that her Delta was *right*. That yes, like some scatter-brained elder, she just wanted to ramble on about “the good old days.” But what was so wrong about finding a chance of happiness—just one small light in an eternity of miserable darkness?
“‘Went away’ is a nice way to put it,” said Selene tightly, making a path around the perimeter of the room to avoid getting in the way of the clean-up.
She went to the nursery and made the rounds of saying hello and comforting her Omegas and the Beta staff. Pups tugged her dress hem for attention and grudgingly she gave it. One young female held on so tightly that she was simply picked up off her feet. Selene caught her before she fell and hoisted her onto her hip.
Despite her cold exterior and her faint eternal distaste for children, Selene remembered all their names and faces, especially their scents. She also hated to admit that holding one of them, their tiny bodies that she helped create, brought her comfort.
“Deva,” she greeted with a brief nuzzle, giving her little fist a small shake. She was only four, one from a set of three, and apparently the sweetest of all the toddlers.
Deva nuzzled back with a soft, happy yip. “Mama.”
Selene glared at the adult Omegas who looked absolutely delighted. She usually tried to ingrain her offspring that she was their *sire* when they hit this age, but supposedly she was now a mushy-hearted pushover.
She carried Deva through the nursery to the lounge where the pregnant Omegas relaxed. There were ten, split evenly between males and females, all in various months of gestation. The two females ready to give birth any day were sleeping with their heads resting together. Their bellies were uncovered, huge and stretched to their limit with three pups each.
Selene had gone through the process dozens of times over the years, and she agreed with even Kiran: neither of them should be affected so strongly. Each time felt like the first, their minds and bodies going on the fritz to protect their Omegas and offspring as their lives depended on it. She would fight tooth and claw for any of these wolves in her harem.