34. Changed

Kiran was just a hindbrain idiot defeated by a skinny Omega. Like a lion yielding to a damn meerkat. It was pathetic, and Kiran cursed himself for being desperate to please her. It was hard to be himself—who he’d become: the cocky bastard Alpha who preyed on willing victims—around her. Just by being, Kiran wanted to be anyone but the male he’d been for the past few decades. For Seff, he’d be anyone.
They didn’t knot on the blanket in the orchard as he’d originally intended or even go on a hunt. No, they simply slipped into a nap. Kiran Cyrus, the Alpha of the Sun pack…*napping*? Like some lazy, pampered house cat? Anyone would have expected him to fuck until he—and his partner—were raw. But no, he was perfectly content just *talking* to Seff Bleize.
Talking. Chatting. What a concept. Kiran excelled at talking dirty and chatting about how great he was at sex. His *listening* skills could be improved; he found Seff was a perfect subject to learn from. She silenced him from listening to his own devilishly attractive voice with hers, which was…soothing, not exactly musical but something close. Or maybe he just liked watching her mouth—at those soft, plush lips that tasted like lamb. Meat and sexual partners were the only things he would admit he loved.
Well. Two of the three things.
The third thing was sleeping atop his chest, an equally pampered kitten.
Seff was not the spitfire that Zinnia had been—or even Calla, damn her—but she still had a bite. He stroked her fine white hair and cursed the scent of his orchard for trying to blow away Seff’s. She didn’t smell like either female exactly, but it was undeniably similar. The amount of times he wished he could sink his teeth into her shoulder…it taunted his self-control and the last sliver of chivalry in his hedonistic vessel. Every breath pushed him back step by step to a point where they could never return.
But Seff wasn’t ready for a mate. Yet. Mates had to mutually recognize each other in a supernatural connection of realization, like a perfect alignment of the stars, but it could be an immeasurable time before that could happen. Kiran’s last sliver respected that. He respected her and her choices. And he would honor her requests.
*Consider your friend untouchabl*e, Kiran thought to Seff as if she could hear.
She stirred and Kiran’s hand stilled when she lifted her head, blinking blearily.
“Good evening,” he purred.
Her eyes went huge and she reared back, rolling off him to crouch on her knees. Kiran sat up too, keeping his eyes on her face and not her glorious breasts—which she covered with her arms. But his smile faded when he detected fear in the greens of her irises. “Seff? What’s wrong? I’m not going to hurt you.”
Her chin quivered as if she was about to cry. Oh hell no, he could *not* handle crying. Kiran took her face between his hands, holding fast when she tried to pull away, wiping a stray tear with his thumb. “Bad dream?”
Seff hesitated, searching his eyes almost frantically before giving a small nod.
“Nightmares are useless, Seff,” he told her. “Do not let them define your reality.”
Gods knew he let them. And gods knew how his demons only hounded his waking hours. He would not sign Seff to the same fate.
She didn’t move, so he said, “They’re about me, aren’t they.” Her eyes flashed and she braced against an attack that would never come. “I’ve done horrible things, Seff,” Kiran murmured, still caressing her smooth white skin. “I’ve already done horrible things to you. But from now on, I swear upon my immortality, on my title as Alpha, on my very blood…that I will never harm you.”
Kiran felt like a damn white knight promising a damsel. He was no white knight and Seff was certainly no damsel, but the gist was that he cared for her.
No spitfire, but she had bite. “What changed?” Seff demanded quietly.
His hands slid from her face and he quelled his glint of annoyance easier than he thought he could. “Time,” he answered. *And Aster*, he didn’t say.
After Seff stormed out of the nursery, Aster had “woken” from a feigned sleep. “What the fuck was that?” she’d asked.
“Jealous, my dear?” Kiran had growled, in an absolutely sour mood. Selene had made him furious, then he was set on edge by Aster going into labor of course followed by those agonizing several hours, and out of his mind with wanting to protect his vulnerable pups and Omega. Kiran was just a bunch of nerves in knots, godsdamnit.
“Of an orphan Leftover? Hell no.” Kiran whipped around to glare and snarl at her, but was unfazed. “But you’ve never been like this with any other Omega and I should know from too many years with your mug leering at them.”
“What’s your point?” he grumbled.
Aster propped herself on an elbow despite her grimace of pain. Kiran felt the immediate need to rush to her. “My *point* is that the whole harem knows she’s different—to you, at least. You *want* her. So why not get her? The way *you* want, not the way everyone thinks you should.”
“Still not getting it,” Kiran said through gritted teeth, though he did. He knew what she was going to say next and he didn’t want to admit it was the truth. Better someone confirm it and prove he wasn’t delirious.
Aster said, as if stating the weather, “You’re in love with her.”
But Kiran couldn’t tell Seff that yet.
No one knew about Zinnia except Selene. If Kiran told Seff the truth, it would only drive her away permanently. He couldn’t have her running after Selene either.
“Time,” he repeated to Seff, “and common sense to realize I can’t push something so good away.”
He prayed she accepted the honesty and humility in his voice. He really did want to change—to be who he used to before tragedy turned him into a prick. It wasn’t just Aster. She only broke the gates holding back thoughts and memories for the past one hundred years that led him to the conclusion that if he wanted something *good*, he had to *be* good.
Seff stared at him, her own thoughts and memories swimming in her eyes. Finally she said, “How about that hunt?”
Kiran grinned. “Fancy that, it’s nighttime.”