36. A Lonely Forever

*Don’t fall for him, you stupid idiot!*
That was the mantra chanting in Seff’s head for the next hour or so. She and Kiran kept pace as they ran through the brush dapple blue, white, and black. It was like Castle Night—
*Don’t think of one Alpha when you’re with the other, stupid idiot!*
Seff always envisioned herself hating and shunning the Sun and Moon Alphas, but somehow they were all she could think about—in a less hateful way now. Almost like she suddenly wanted to learn about them as much as they did about her.
Kiran’s gold coat glowed in the moonlight, tongue lolling out between his teeth as his long strides led them through the maze of trees. They scented the deer at the same time and skidded to a stop, preventing Seff from admiring him—but not before she snapped a branch beneath her paw. They heard the doe flee but did not chase after.
Seff shook herself mentally. *Gods you’re stupid.*
When Kiran noticed she wouldn’t pursue, he huffed in indifference and flopped onto the moss, rolling onto his back and flicking his tail. He was annoyed but still seemed in good spirits. Seff sat on her haunches hard.
“Ah well,” he said through his wolf jaws. “I’m sorry you didn’t get your catch. We can keep—”
“It’s fine,” Seff interrupted. “I don’t mind. I just wanted to run a little.”
Kiran rolled onto his side, ears perked. “Did you enjoy your run, then?”
“Our run,” she said before she could stop herself. She blushed; Kiran’s grin was, of course, wolfish. “Yes I did. Thanks for the indulgence.”
“Any time, Seff.” There was a silence between them, but the forest was quietly alive with rustling leaves, chirping insects, and the distant rushing of a creek. And their unsteady heartbeats. “Tell me about yourself, Seff.”
Her ears swiveled forward. “Huh?”
Kiran wriggled forward to be closer to her. He was still twice her size. “You’ve been at the Keep for almost a month and I still know nothing about you. So tell me! What’s your favorite color or flower, or how your schooling went, or how many fuck buddies you’ve had?”
All the answers popped into Seff’s head immediately, including, *Only five, but no one was as good as Hawthorn.* Then,* Stop thinking about Hawthorn when you’re with the Sun Alpha!* She eased down onto her belly and met Kiran’s eager gaze. “Magnolia wolves will always say their favorite flower and color are their namesakes,” she said instead.
“But your father? Mother? Is not from the Magnolia,” Kiran observed, “because you are not named after a flower. So you are unique.”
Seff felt the familiar pang of grief. She broke his stare to focus on her fur dirtied by mud. “My parents died eight years ago. A car wreck. I survived.” Her voice cracked. “But they didn’t.”
Another silence stretched into space. Seff’s throat burned and she couldn’t meet the Alpha’s gaze, but she forged ahead, “My father was from the Lovell pack, and my mom liked the idea of keeping his pack’s custom so he wasn’t totally consumed by Magnolias. But my older brothers have Magnolia names.”
“That is a sweet sentiment,” Kiran said kindly—what a strange adverb for him. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“It’s alright.”
“I lost my parents, too, of course,” he commented after a few more quiet moments. “Though immortal, they were killed in the night by a rival pack that had relocated across the country and wanted to steal the Cyrus property. I escaped. And I was not bothered to eradicate them.”
He said mass homicide so casually. She decided not to press it, though it bothered her. “I’m sorry.”
His lips twitched dismissively. “Ah, time passes and you learn to accept nothing lasts except my immortal ass.”
Seff couldn’t discern the tone—sadness? Regret? A detachment from empathy altogether? Did he simply shut off his emotions after so long? Did he resent being immortal?
“You know Selene and I are only immortal because we are sired by two Alphas?”
Seff blinked, finally looking up at him. “But that’s impossible. Alphas cannot impregnate another Alpha.”
Kiran puffed up his wolf’s chest. There was no holding back his hubris. “Luna mothers birthed us. We’re godsdamned gorgeous phenomenon.” Then he cocked his head. “What would you do with immortality, Seff? Everyone fantasizes about it at least a few times.”
“I don’t want to live forever,” she said slowly, resting her head on her paws and hoping to make sense of what she was trying to convey, “but I dream about forever.”
Clearly Kiran didn’t understand. He twisted his head more. “Isn’t that what I just asked?”
Seff’s ears swiveled back flat against her head. “Never mind. It’s hard to explain.”
Kiran touched her nose briefly with his, a kind of encouragement. “I want to understand.” There was nothing but earnest in his eyes.
Surprised at the intimate contact, she lifted her head and relented with a huff of a laugh. “I want the *promise* of forever. I never envisioned *living* forever, especially if I never have anyone to live that long too. Living forever…”
Seff trailed off to lose herself in the gold of Kiran’s gaze, to feel the weight of the attentiveness as well of the risk if what she was about to say. She had a feeling that these words would have a lasting impact on them both.
She breathed the words, “Living forever is lonely.”
There was an excruciatingly long second before Kiran rose to his paws and loomed over Seff. But her ears didn’t flatten—she didn’t shy away. She didn’t have to be afraid; she somehow knew he’d keep his promise.
Kiran tapped his nose to hers again, this time lingering. “It’s worth it if you can be with another wolf who feels the same, even if for a little while.”
*“After one’s death, the living can still find another. And…Seff, I think you are mine.”*
“You think,” Seff rasped, strange with her wolf’s jaws, “that *I* am meant to be that wolf?”
Kiran nodded once. His confidence left no room for doubt. He Shifted into his human form and offered his hand for her to take. The weight of the moment was too heavy for her to focus on the lower half just hours ago she wanted slamming inside her. His gaze was a weight of its own. She Shifted and rested her hand in his, and silently they returned to the Keep, so many words left unsaid for another day.