39. Jealousy

Thank the gods for quick self-healing. If Seff’s skin and muscle—or any werewolf’s—worked as a human’s, she would have bled out and died. All the Betas had to do was disinfect and gauze it up, and all was well.
For the most part.
“I would've totally fucked Cedar up if I had the chance,” Elio claimed, puffing up his chest.
The twins took their charge very seriously and had been objective until they were alone in the medic room until they received the all-clear.
“I’m sure you would have,” complimented Seff, patting his arm.
They flanked her once again as she has on the frameless medical bed. The air smelled like blood and running-high emotions. Seff’s heart was still a little too inconsistent but at least the throbbing pain in her chewed-up leg has mostly subsided.
She shook her head and said before Altan could make a comment, “I just can’t believe…any of it.”
She was referring to more than just the courtyard fight, but the twins didn’t know about Kiran’s…theory.
“What was Cedar and Endine’s thought process?” Altan wondered, adopting her seriousness. They were young and sometimes inexperienced but they had Sun and Moon blood flowing through their veins—intelligence and cunning were in their very genetics. “It doesn’t make much sense why they would go through so much trouble to wreck your room only to reveal themselves. It only painted targets on their chests in front of Kiran and the rest of the harem.”
“If they knew how much Kiran likes you,” Elio continued, now frowning, “she had to know he would avenge you. Why would she think sabotaging someone Kiran cares about would win his favor?”
“And she sold out Endine like it was nothing.” Seff’s shoulders sank. “I didn’t know…how toxic my pack was.”
It was a painful connection to make. She pictured Cedar’s sneer and Endine’s vengeful leap at Kiran. And Allium’s jealousy blazing in the green eyes who never looked at Seff with anything but love before they were Chosen.
Both males rested a palm on her bare thighs. She’d been given fresh silks and underwear, but of course, most of her skin was still exposed. But Seff had become more comfortable with the twins that she didn’t mind the casual skinship.
“We’ll never betray you, Seff,” Altan promised quietly.
Elio nodded. “As guards and as friends.”
They trusted her and she trusted them, but so was their fear of Kiran—when his voice boomed *“Where is she?”* their hands retracted in a blink, retreating to the far corner as silent watchers.
Seff almost laughed at the quick response. But Kiran’s voice made her heart jolt in a not-so-fearful way. She remembered their sudden silent communication bond and automatically responded, “Kiran, I’m in here.”
The door flung open immediately; he’d been right outside. Seff felt a smile unexpectedly tug at her lips. Why? Because he looked like shit and it was satisfying to know the gold god couldn’t always look perfect. Why? Because she wanted to assure him that she was alright.
“Gods, I was out of my mind,” he said breathlessly, crossing the space to scan her up and down, pausing of course on her bandaged leg. His lip started to curl, but she interrupted,
“Kiran, I’m okay. I’m all healed.” On reflex, Seff held out her hand to let him take it between two of his. Fuck, when did she think that was a natural gesture?
The Alpha breathed a sigh. “Good. I’m taking you to my office.” In a flawless maneuver, he scooped his arm under her knees and lifted her against his chest. She hissed through her teeth when pain shot through her leg. Seff felt Kiran’s heart leap. “Seff—”
“I’m okay,” she reassured as the pain eased. In his arms, just like that, she felt…safe. Protected. The warmth of his solid body melted her small frame and she closed her eyes. She wanted to ask *why* they were going to his office—perhaps to talk about how he believed she was his…mate…or to address her life that was now in apparent danger—but just being held eased all of the fight she had left in her. She could do nothing but agree.
Eased enough that she didn’t remember the short journey to the harem, where Kiran set her gently on her feet in his office. She leaned a hand on the desk to keep her upright. She blinked the lethargy from her eyes to meet Kiran’s worried face. Gods, where did the ruthless wolf even find that emotion?
“Are you—”
“I’m *fine*, godsdamnit.” To prove it, she stood without the assistance of the desk. “Now what?”
A muscle in his jaw feathered. Ah, there was the ego. “*Now* I am going to fetch a bottle of wine. Stay here, Seff.”
She wondered briefly why he didn’t demand Sienna get it, but he was already closing the door behind him—but not before he pressed a brief kiss to her hand.
No, she wasn’t fine. Her calf protested and she had to collapse into the desk chair. It was cluttered with stacks of paper blank and written, folded and not, pens strewed everywhere. One drawer was ripped out and on the floor. Seff looked away before she could read any of the old-style writing. She didn’t approve of snooping. And she didn’t like giving in to temptation.
But she felt in her bones a tangible change in her. The lure of finding secrets was like sniffing out a fresh meal.
Just a glance. Just one, to the first unopened letter on the highest stack.
*Oh, gods.*
Seff bolted to her feet despite her leg nearly giving out to snatch the letter. On it was *her* name. In Hawthorn Henbane’s writing.
She ripped it open and fumbled to unfold it. The top of it was the date: yesterday.
*Seff, I’m still not sure why you haven’t written. Everyone told me even Kiran let letters in and out. It’s been almost a month and I’m going crazy without you. I miss Allium, too. She writes to me. Why haven’t you? Sorry, this is more of a monologue. My mind just keeps going back and forth between loving you more and finding reasons to hate you. Not as much as I’ll ever hate those damn Alphas, because I can only assume the “gold god” as you call him, is preventing you. But I figured you would have found a way by now. Did you fall in love with him and forget me? If so, that’s fine. I’m sure he fucks better.*
Tears obscured the words—hurt, anger, sadness, regret. They all tangled in Seff’s gut, churning up enough to want to make her throw up over Kiran’s beautiful gold rug. She set Hawthorn’s letter down, dread drawing her in to look at the next letter in the stack.
Again, addressed to her. This time in Allium’s mother’s writing, dated the day of the Choosing. The next one: from Hyacinth. Underneath that, from her old boss. After that, there were at least ten from Hawthorn. A month’s worth of mail was intercepted.
The door clicked open behind her. “Revenge is discussed over red, my Seff,” he said with a short, deep laugh. Kiran came up behind her to set the wine bottle and glasses down. His laugh died. “Oh shit. Seff, let me explain—”
She whirled, physical pain unable to outweigh her emotional agony. His body was pressed to his and his chin was tipped down to see her. His face was tight and the gold in his eyes was a sudden challenge to defy him. She jabbed a finger at him that was tipped with a wolf’s claw. “How *dare* you. How *dare* you keep my communication!”
“Seff.” His hands brushed her elbows in an effort to console her.
“No!” She slipped from his grasp, putting several feet between them in case she couldn’t control her Shift. She had started to tremble. “You have no right! Do you know—do you have *any* idea how *lonely* I’ve felt here?!”
Kiran blinked, and Seff’s hand flew to her mouth. A nail nicked her cheek and she felt a bead of blood form. His eyes flashed but he didn’t move. She hadn’t meant to say that. But now that she did…
She dropped her hand, clenching both into fists at her sides. “Did you read them?”
Kiran shook his head once.
Her throat was thick and she felt all her truths needed to be revealed. “The closer you want me, the more your actions push me away.”
“That was before—”
“Don’t try to justify your jealousy, you bastard!”
The Alpha’s gaze hardened and he growled, “*Jealousy*?”
“Don’t hide it. You know about Hawthorn.” The feathered muscle gave him away. “He said he loved me at the Choosing. So you knew he was a threat. What, were you afraid I’d try to escape? I never… I never said I love him back!”
She wanted to sink to her knees, but she couldn’t give in to weakness. Hawthorn confessed to her and she hadn’t done a single thing to show she cared at all. But she had written letters and she’d put them in the public mailbox.
“Did you send any of *my* letters?”
Kiran didn’t hesitate. “No.”
“You fucking bastard,” she hissed at him with bared teeth.
“Yes, that is what I am—”
“Let me see him. Let me see Hawthorn.”