58. Box of Memories

Selene blinked. It wasn’t often that she was caught off guard. She prided herself on detecting tells from wolves around her to anticipate their moves. She knew from facial expressions and past actions to determine how they would approach her in whatever context.
She shouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest when she knew some variation of this question would arise. Preparing for this moment meant that she was *prepared* for it. Clearly, she snapped at herself, she wasn’t entirely ready.
And neither was Seff. Selene couldn’t tell the secret until the mating bond snapped into place.
“You knew I had a mate?”
In an odd twist, it was Seff who smiled knowingly. “I figured if *Kiran* could have a mate, so could you. Plus, how can anyone live for so many decades and not have one?”
Selene’s lips quirked, letting her anger whisk away—*fucking Kiran, trying to tell her they were soulmates!*—because Kiran wasn’t worth it, especially now. She said, “I did. Sixty-eight years ago. Losing a mate…”
Her smile faded, her throat thickening, and she drew her hand away to wrap her arms around her torso. The nightmare she had wasn’t accurate; why had she dreamt Calla’s ravaged neck?
A split second later, she took back Seff’s hand, intertwining their fingers. It all felt so easy, so familiar. Did Seff feel it too? Did she recognize the…*rightness* of it? The crescent moon necklace nestled so well in the dip of her collarbone. Did it not bring back a single memory?
Seff squeezed back with a small smile of encouragement. She was thoughtful like Calla, but Selene was beginning to think wonder if there were more differences than similarities.
No matter. They had more than enough time.
Or at least, that was what Selene liked to think.
“That’s another loneliness that cannot be measured,” Selene sighed.
“Tell me about them.”
Selene thought telling Seff about Calla would be a careful process, but now caution felt ridiculous. So did opening up to someone. Selene did not care for moments that called for her to expose her chest and heart to another wolf. No one knew about Calla except Kiran. But she felt so damn nostalgic that she committed to offering just a little.
Selene inhaled deeply. On the exhale she began, “Her name was…her name was Calla and she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.”
Seff’s expression was soft; Selene felt it like a vise around her heart.
“I saved her from a tedious life of selling flowers from a stall in a small, dirty town. She saved me from myself.”
Gods, she sounded so godsdamned sentimental. Playing her own memories, they rose from the box she’d locked them away in… It felt like being freed all over again.
“She sounds wonderful,” Seff encouraged gently.
Selene searched her spring-green eyes, her smooth, kind face, and realized she didn’t need the portrait hidden in her desk anymore. *She is*, she wanted to say. Instead, she said, “I want to take you somewhere.”
Seff blinked, brows knitting in uncertainty. “Where? Is it far?”
“Not at all.”
“Alright.”
Selene barked a laugh. “That took no convincing.”
The Magnolia smiled sheepishly. Taking Selene’s offered hand and following her out of the room, she said, “Three days is a lot of hours. I figured this trip is what you had in mind to take up some of those.”
Selene smirked. “Intelligence runs in the very veins of the Magnolia.”
Seff’s gait stuttered and Selene stopped to look back. They were alone in the hallway, night upon them. Selene had grown to stop caring for the hum of crickets and distant birdsong, but she heard and understood them now, because, in the faint rising moonlight, Selene almost whispered, *Calla, what’s wrong?*
Calla’s eyes had been full of adventure, wide with excitement at every new experience Selene showed her. Seff’s, however, were cautious—calm and thoughtful, but slightly wary, as if afraid of approaching new things. Calla was full of questions; Seff was too, but they weren’t excited questions. 
Selene’s teeth clenched; she unclenched them quickly. *Don’t get irritated*, she snapped at herself. “Seff—”
She slipped her hand out of Selene’s, gentle but persistent. Not many wolves could look the Luna in the eye or call her by her birth name so easily. True to her heritage, Seff was unafraid of facing what made her feel uncomfortable.
In this case, what made her unhappy was…Selene herself.
“It’s not you,” Seff said, one arm wrapped around her torso, her other hand cupping the moon charm. “It’s…what you’re hiding from me. I feel like I’m just a little plaything you and Kiran keep tossing around. You both know something but won’t tell me.”
She dropped her arms to throw them up. “Kiran thinks I’m his ‘soulmate after death’ but won’t explain that! You both asked me about Calla and Zinnia and I know those are Magnolia names, but I’ve never heard of them. Why are you so obsessed with me? And why do I…why do I feel so comfortable around you—and Kiran, but not as much… You both seem *familiar* as if I met you before, but I know none of us remember each other from when you came to sniff Potentials when I was thirteen.”
Seff opened her mouth after a pause, but Selene raised a palm. “Every answer can be found in the storage box of our memories. This trip is a key to unlocking one of a few keyholes.”
Seff’s eyes narrowed. “That doesn’t make me feel any better. And I know the meaning of asphodels, Selene. Any Magnolia had a floriography book on their bookshelf. ‘My regrets follow you to the grave.’ It means someone died and it’s your mate—Calla. She died decades ago—”
“Sixty-eight.”
Seff stuttered, sympathy making her anger flicker, but forced herself to continue, “So do you think I’m *your* soulmate after death too?”
The impact of those words struck Selene in the chest. For once she didn’t know what to say. If she told her the truth—*yes, I do*—then would that drive Seff away? She wanted the truth. But she would not like the truth.
Selene didn’t need Calla to remember Zinnia because she remembered on her own through dreams and abrupt visions. She and Kiran thought of trying trigger words for Seff, but they feared it would have adverse effects, especially if she went through their deaths first.
What would happen if she forced Seff to remember her past lives if she was taken to the garden?