60. All and None

Gods, she was such an idiot. Seff had made the connection already and Selene hadn’t even picked up on it. Priding herself on the ability to read others. Ha! 
Seff had *baited* Selene. She was testing her, probing for clues, to confirm if her connections were correct. To think those wistful expressions were nothing but sympathy for Selene’s loss! The encouraging words, the acceptance of her offer to take her somewhere… All just disarming Selene to spew out frustration at her and Kiran for, yes, tossing her around like a plaything. 
Shame filled her veins. They each loved their soulmates. How could they treat Seff so callously?
The crescent charm fit perfectly between the slopes of her collarbone, Selene thought again. She had felt true horror when Seff threatened to throw it in the river. But, like Calla, her compassion stopped her from committing such a heartless action. And like Calla, she wasn’t afraid of testing Selene’s thin patience. 
She didn’t like being called out. And that was what Seff was doing quite well.
*“Why did Kiran kill your mate, and why didn’t you kill him in return?”* 
*“I’ll leave.”*
*“They were both from my pack. That’s why you take so many consorts from the Magnolia. Because you two are obsessed with the past.”*
*“You *do *think of me as your soulmate after death. I know you do. It wasn’t hard to see the answer on your face when I asked you.”*
Gods, she was right about it all. 
*I did want to kill him. I tried.*
*Please don’t. I haven’t had enough time to learn you.*
*Yes, and our visits finally paid off.*
*I do. Who but you and Calla…and Kiran, damn him…can read me?*
Seff’s last question nearly broke her. *“I just don’t understand why you can’t tell me the truth.”*
Selene had closed her eyes. In her mind’s eye, she pictured taking Seff to the garden where Calla was murdered by Kiran. She imagined her reliving Calla’s horrific death. Could she live with herself if she put Seff through that? Or was it worth the risk, if there was the possibility of Seff remembering?
*Follow or stay or leave.* It was the promise Selene made to Calla at the river. 
Searching Seff’s face…she found no flash of recognition. *Godsdamnit!*
Then the Magnolia closed the space between them and carefully took Selene’s hand. Her hands were chilled and the look in her eyes was, too. But she said, “Take me to where she died.”
*“Fucking hell she won’t!”*
Selene’s very soul swarmed with rage before she whirled on Kiran bounding toward them in his massive wolf form, two night guards chasing behind him. The godsdamned bastard broke into her harem. 
She hid Seff behind her despite her protest. Selene held her ground even as he stopped mere inches from her, his chest heaving and his nose huffing a blast of hot, stinking air into her face. He was a fearsome beast surely, but Selene had never been afraid of him. 
Kiran had to turn his head ever so slightly to meet Selene’s eyes with his gold one. She kept the contact briefly before glancing at his mangled ear. She still tasted blood and fur from tearing it off. Her eyes flicked back down. “I think you’re missing something,” she said flatly.
He peeled back his lips, drool dripping from between his thick teeth. “Says the thief. You’re hindbrain if you think I’m letting you take her to that godsdamned garden. I should have burned it decades ago.”
“*You* are hindbrain if you think telling me what to do is acceptable,” Selene snarled. 
Kiran reared his head back, expanding his chest, but froze when a firm voice sounded, “Please stop talking about me as if I’m not here.” 
Selene tried to hold her back, but Seff dodged her arm and backed several paces away from the Alphas. She was looking between them with her jaw set; she swallowed hard, and it was a telltale sign that she was holding back tears, though they did not form in her eyes.
“Seff,” Selene and Kiran begged in tandem. 
She shook her head once. “No. Calla Amaranth died in this garden, and Kiran you killed her there. I don’t need to know any more. Follow or stay or leave?” she repeated to Selene harshly. “I was beginning to think I could stay and follow you anywhere. But after everything…I choose to leave.”
Looking to Kiran, he sat down hard enough to shake the ground. Seff’s lower lip trembled. “Unless *you* want to tell me the truth about why you two are so obsessed with me, I choose to leave you too.”
Kiran’s remaining ear went flat against his head but for once the big-mouthed egomaniac had nothing to say.
Now Seff’s eyes went glassy with tears. “You say the truth will push me away. Well, *not* telling me pushed me away better. Goodnight.”
With that, Selene and Kiran watched Seff walk across the courtyard and disappear into the shadow of the entryway corridor. The two night guards fell in step behind her, trained to escort any guest back wherever they requested. 
Kiran Shifted into his human form. “Godsdamnit, Selene,” he barked, but she lashed out and grabbed him by his left ear, dragging him into the nearest room. It was miraculously empty; the Omega who occupied it must have chosen to sleep somewhere else for the night. “Let go of me, you fucking bitch—”
She released him only to shove her palms into his chest and send him staggering backward—the back of his legs hit the head of the couch and he very ungracefully fell and tumbled onto the pillowed floor with a grunt and a curse.
Selene swung herself over and kicked him in the ribs. Another curse as he tried to roll out of her reach. He couldn’t, but Selene thought it best to halt any more attempts—so she sat on his chest.
“This. Is. *Your* fault,” she roared in his face.
Snarling, Kiran twisted, but Selene rocked her weight to pin him flat on his back. He relented by grabbing her waist with both hands, thumbs pressing painfully into the fleshy part just above her hip bones, and heaved—flipping *her* onto her back so he loomed over her. The breath was knocked out of her. When she tried to fight back, Kiran managed to immobilize her with his knees on top of her arms.
“*My* fault?” he thundered. “What part is *my* fault?!”
Selene craned her neck to snap thickened teeth at him, but it was easy for him to be out of reach. “You killing my soulmate, you fucking bastard! Your jealousy and your rage and your love—you ruined it all! For sixty-eight years, I was *alone*!” Her voice cracked, and she went limp. “I was alone with *you*.”
Kiran hesitated—but only for a moment. Then he wrinkled his nose and bellowed. “I’ve been alone for *one hundred and five years*, Selene! Seff is my chance—”
Selene writhed. “*Your* chance? You had five years with Zinnia. I only had two! Your mate didn’t die by someone who was beginning to think of you as a friend.”
Kiran jostled his knees into her forearms, shooting jolts of pain through Selene’s body. “Oh, fuck that. What, we bond over our sad lives over alcohol for a month and you thought we were on our way to *friendship*? Five, two, sixty, a hundred—what does it fucking matter anymore?”
“Are you giving up?” sneered Selene. “You haven’t even fucked her yet.”
His teeth ground together so hard she heard them. He forced himself past the jab—because he knew she was right and didn’t want to admit that he still wanted to. Before she could boast that she and Seff made love twice, Kiran grabbed Selene’s jaw hard and fast. “And you’d make me the villain.”
“You’re the one who gave away the secret of the garden at the perfect time, dumbass.”
Ignoring her again, he said, “You were going to see if she remembered by *reliving Calla’s death*!”
“What, you’d rather her experience Zinnia’s?”
Kiran released her with a shove. “I’d rather her not experience either! Let’s just fucking tell her. She’s already gone. What do we have to lose?”
Selene worked her jaw. “Dignity. Hope.”
Kiran snorted and finally eased off her to sit back on the pillows. Body protesting, Selene sat up. “What scraps of those do we have left?”
“I found mine the second I saw her standing in that line.”
“But you didn’t feel the connection,” he retorted, glaring at her with fire-forged eyes. “The mating bond snapped into place the moment you saw Calla. I saw Zinnia at the end of a godsdamned dirt road and knew she was mine forever. I felt—”
It was his turn for his voice to crack with sudden emotion. He turned harshly away. “I felt nothing click when I looked at Seff.”
Silence. Then,
“Neither did I.”
*“What is your name now?”* Selene herself had asked. She’d succeeded in holding back the emphasis on now. Kiran was right. They’d gone through the same rapid-fire thoughts: surprise—*It happened! She appeared once more in our lives, after all these decades*—then confusion—*Is it happening? The phenomenon is reoccurring?*—and then knowledge—*Yes, she really is here. But she doesn’t recognize us.*
Selene had scanned Seff’s body up and down; Kiran had repeated her name with fervor. But it was instantly all in vain. They were all but strangers, looking at their long-lost love who only saw two heartless monsters who took and took and took for *her* sake.
“None of it’s for her,” Kiran said softly. “All of it’s for us.”