64. Placeless

Seff’s eyes burned with tears. They blurred her vision as she stumbled straight out the entrance of Castle Night. The Alpha guards trailed her warily, unsure if she would lash out or not.
“Seff,” they addressed informally in concern.
Her bare feet hit cool grass and she swiped her arm across her face to wipe away the tears. Turning back to them, she said, “I’m fine. I’m just going…”
Going where? Her only option was back to Apollo’s Keep. Even though Kiran was here, she didn’t feel like returning to a place that smelled like him, that reminded her of him.
She was placeless. She had no home anymore.
“Seff?”
“I said I’m fine,” she repeated harshly to the guards, but when she blinked and found them with defensive stances and teeth bared, she realized it was a different voice. She whirled around—and the world stopped spinning.
Her voice cracked. “Hawthorn.”
The Magnolia male who confessed his love for her was standing a mere ten feet from her. He was naked; he’d run in his wolf form all the way from the College. Hair mussed, face slack, mouth gaping in wonder and disbelief, Hawthorn stumbled a step forward.* “Seff.”*
A wordless cry escaped her lips and she jolted into a run. She reached him first—leaping into his waiting arms to lock her legs around his waist and bury her face in his shoulder, weeping against his heated skin. She had so many questions to ask him, but right now she just wanted to fall asleep in his embrace.
At last, Hawthorn set her down carefully, but his hands gripped her hips as if he didn’t want to let her go. A good height taller had him towering over. Necks craned to match green eyes to green eyes. Seff marveled at him, sorrow and happiness filled her chest like a balloon. A month and a half were far too long without her best friend.
He leaned forward to rest his forehead to hers. “Seff. Oh gods, I can’t believe…”
Seff took Hawthorn’s face between her hands, wiping away the tears he’d let fall onto his cheeks. “You’re here,” she breathed.
“I’m here. With you.”
Gently they pulled away. Reality was starting to set in. Seff’s smile faded. “You’re here,” she repeated, this time with dread. She looked back at the guards. They were still suspicious but they no longer looked ready to attack. She turned to Hawthorn with furrowed brow, but before she could speak he said,
“Selene sent for me. Lona delivered the message personally.”
*“Lona will deliver a letter herself,”* Selene told her.
Seff had responded, *“His name is Hawthorn Henbane. He’s the one who…announced that he loved me at the Choosing.”*
Selene had paused. *“And do you?”*
*“Yes.”*
She released a shuddering breath. Selene had done her such kindness, even knowing Hawthorn was a threat to her affections for Seff. Had she done it only to keep herself in Seff’s good graces, to show her she could be compassionate and understanding of Seff’s wants?
Hawthorn brushed back her hair, his own brows knitted. “Why do you look so upset?” His eyes hardened. “Did she hurt you?”
Seff shook her head hurriedly, but then hesitantly confessed, “Not physically.”
“Emotionally?”
“Yes. Mentally.”
Hawthorn grabbed her hand and tugged. “Come on, we’re going home.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean, *you can’t*? Seff, that’s abuse! You look so unhappy,” he beseeched. “Come back to the Magnolia. We’ll get married and maybe mate and try to have pups—”
Seff’s heart ached so badly she struggled to breathe. It was all the things she’d ever wanted, ever dreamed of. Coming to the Keep, dealing with the two Alphas, she had decided that the faceless wolf she’d imagined doing those things with…would always be Hawthorn. He loved her selflessly. She realized that now in the dark, surrounded by rowan trees whispering in the night.
She was placeless. She had no home anymore.
But Hawthorn Henbane could be her home.
Seff felt ghost-touch of the gold ribbon Kiran tied around her neck at the Choosing. She signed her body to him to protect Allium. If that ribbon made her a consort to the Sun harem, then consummating with Kiran made her *his*.
But she did not knot with the Alpha. She didn’t fully belong to him.
He didn’t think that.
If she fled with Hawthorn, Kiran would not hesitate to rip out his throat. Seff knew, especially now, that Kiran would never physically hurt her. This, however, could be an exception. He did not tolerate betrayal; Endine was proof of that.
“Hawthorn…I can’t.” Her throat tightened. “I know it’s abuse. I know I’m unhappy. But I would risk that if it keeps you alive.”
“Keeps me...” Hawthorn shook his head in disbelief. “Kiran would kill me if I tried to bring you home?”
Part of her wanted to snap, *Yeah, that should be obvious*! But her irritation only stemmed from hurt and fear.
“Let me get this straight. You sacrificed yourself to save Allium. Now you’re doing that again for *me*? Seff, how can you be so selfless?”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Of course not!” he said in exasperation. “But it’s not healthy. It doesn’t mean no one goes on without pain. I don’t want to sacrifice your happiness for mine.”
Seff’s chin trembled. “And you say I’m selfless?” she asked with a breathless laugh that leaned toward delirium.
Steadfast Hawthorn wasn’t swayed. “We’re all softhearted whelps. So what? Our hearts are still *strong*. If the Sun shines, the Moon grows, then the Magnolia thrives—”
“You’re such a poet.”
“I’ve been reading up. Point is, even if we’re flowers, we always come back. We’re persistent.” Hawthorn took both of her hands in his. The moment felt so special Seff forgot he was completely exposed. He sighed. “But we don’t want this sun. You’re wilting under his heat, Seff, I know it.”
“Well, you guessed correctly.” It was an excellent metaphor. Flowers needed sun to grow; but if it was too hot, too often…it took a toll on its petals. Though she was named after her father’s pack, her mother’s blood bound her to the Magnolia. “I don’t know where I belong, Hawthorn.”
“With our pack, our home.” He pulled her closer, encircling her in his arms. “With me.”
Seff closed her eyes. She didn’t want to say *I can’t* again. It was an impossible situation. “Hawthorn…”
“Hmm?”
It was such an innocent hum. She almost smiled as a suddenly devious idea popped into her head. “Let’s sneak you into the Keep.”