65. Hearts and Voices Part I

*Man this girl my curse*
*Hand up her skirt*
*Shit I got to cleanse my thirst*
*I know I'm the worst*
*Never meant for her to get hurt*
*Don't tell nobody*
*I know you want me*
*Touching your body*
*Do you really love me?*
*Scream my fucking name now*
*I did a lot of things*
*That caused a lot of pain*

- *Curse*, dxvn.

__________
Kiran dreamed of Zinnia Amaranth.
No, a nightmare.
No, a memory. A memory of snow bleeding red.
But he woke to a different female body lying beside his, warm summer sun painting window pane squares across her naked flesh. No blood, no snow. Just light on the night goddess’s skin.
Selene was still asleep, chest rising and falling with ease. Her head was nestled under his chin, arm across his chest, one leg bent over one of his. She clung to him in sleep—and he was clinging to her, as if she had comforted him through the long nightmarish memory.
Kiran inhaled her scent. It didn’t make him hindbrain like last night, but breathing it in so closely, so heavily… 
*Gods, what the hell, Kiran?* he snapped at himself. *You hate Selene. You’ve hated her for almost seventy years. Ever since she stole the face of the female he loved above even his own life.* 
But she fucked so well. She was the perfect distraction from what he really wanted—*who* he wanted: Seff Bleize. The key to returning of his true happiness.
Selene stirred with a wordless murmur. Kiran stilled, hoping she wouldn’t wake yet. He needed to gather his scattered thoughts to remind himself that he hated everything about her. 
Kiran was the gold god of magnificent sex. To say someone—to say *Selene Hilal*—impressed him, he considered it their highest honor.
Zinnia had been excellent at fucking. And lovemaking. And tasting him. Kiran liked when she tasted him. 
*She’s dead. Get over her.*
The voice in his mind was unbidden. He bared his teeth as if it was tangible. *Fuck off*, he told his subconscious. *Zinnia is still here. Still there. Somewhere*.
*You really think she’ll solve all your problems? sneered that damn dark place inside him. Or do you think Selene will?* 
A growl rumbled in his chest. It woke Selene, and he clamped down on that part of him that doubted his every thought. It had a mind of its own, apparently, climbing out of the barricade Kiran buried it under after so many decades of lying dormant. 
Selene hummed and untucked her head to meet his gaze that was already pinned on her. Still bleary, she murmured, “I dreamt of Seff.”
“Or was it Calla?” Kiran murmured back immediately. He could fend off his own insecurities but not annoyance, it seemed. 
Not a good way to start. Selene scowled and sat up, untangling her limbs from his. The planes of her body, each slope, each simple feature… Gods, it was hard to ignore.
Her blue eyes flicked down. Her jaw clenched, she drawled, “Really?”
Kiran grabbed a pillow and hid himself under it. “What, *really*?”
“Just admit you think I’m attractive. Of course, you just proved it.”
“I think you’re hideous.”
“Hideously *beautiful*,” she corrected. “Sensual. Kissable. A goddess. Ravishing—”
He snarled and grabbed her, yanking her back to his body so they tangled up in each other again, chest to chest. “If I say yes, will you shut your mouth?”
“You like my mouth,” Selene provoked in a purr. “Certainly liked tasting it.”
The first place his tongue could reach was her forehead. He dragged it up into her hairline with plenty of saliva. She hissed and writhed but he held her hard and fast. He was lucky she didn’t see his satisfied smirk. 
His grip now loose, she curved her spine to tantalizingly skim her sex up his torso until she sat on his chest, legs on either side of him, in retaliation. Selene’s smile was more feline than canine. Kiran’s breath caught and he automatically gripped her hips with his hands to steady her. With her breasts above him, it was suddenly hard to focus.
Selene leaned down to press a lingering kiss to his lips. “I want to address two things now, Kiran.”
“You want to talk business like this?” he asked—and hated himself when his husky voice rasped.
She was wearing her straight face; Kiran knew it all too well. If he made any kind of smartass remark or didn’t address those two things, there was no telling how she would lash out.
But she said, “Fine,” and climbed to her feet. He craned his neck up to watch her pad to the dresser—he scowled at her perfect ass—and draw two deep-blue silk robes. She slipped into one and tossed Kiran the other before perching on the couch. She brushed her hair with her fingers, smoothing out the disarrayed strands. And she did that with her eyes closed and her chin tilted upward pompously.
“Gods, now I remember why I hate you,” Kiran growled, throwing himself on the opposite couch with his robe tied but his hair still mussed. Their sexes both covered, he sighed, “What do you want to talk about, Selene?”
“Don’t use that tone with me.” She opened her eyes to pin him in place. They were sharp and unreadable. “First: why were you so persistent about fucking me in the front?”
“Because it’s more pleasurable for me.” That was certainly nothing but the truth. But her narrowed eyes suggested she knew there was a reason he wasn’t admitting to. Gods, sometimes she just saw right through him.
Kiran crossed his arms. “What are you hoping I’ll say?”
Turning the table on her was not want she wanted. She ground her teeth. “Do you want me to get pregnant with your offspring, Kiran?”
“I don’t know. How do you know you don’t have a uterus?”
“I told you! Because I’ve tried so many times and I’ve never catched.”
“Maybe that’s the male’s performance, not your lack of anatomy.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried to rationalize that?”
Kiran covered his face with his hand. Did she have to be so difficult? Did *everything* have to have a secondary meaning? He wanted to fuck her in a way that made him feel best. End of story. 
That dark place tried to squeeze through the barricade. *There is another reason. You want to connect with someone on the same level as you. You’re tired of fucking nameless Omegas. You want a challenge. You want not just love but power. Selene’s offspring from your loins can give you both. You want immortal sons and daughters to live by your side forever—*
A strangled noise ripped from his chest and he stood abruptly, storming across the room. 
Selene’s voice was concerned. “Kiran?”
“I’m fine.” He scrubbed his face and tried to banish his subconscious as if it was a stain he could remove from clothing. “Forever’s fucking lonely, Selene.”
Then her voice was soft. “I know.” She paused as she figured out his game: come to the conclusion herself so he didn’t have to admit his weakness. “You want someone to fill it. Our parents were immortal; so are we. If I birth a litter, there is a good chance they will be, too. So you—so *we*—wouldn’t have to lose another life we came to love.”
Kiran’s silence proved it.
Selene sighed deeply. The couch groaned as she leaned back. “Kiran the softhearted god.”
He growled.
She wasn’t impressed. “Softheartedness isn’t a weakness, Kiran, it’s a strength. It shows that you care. And the ones you care about are strengthened in return. Together, you would each protect them with your mind, body, and soul. Combined strength leads to an un-lonely existence.”
Her words were claws piercing Kiran’s supposedly soft heart. He listened to the thrum of both of theirs; they didn’t beat in tandem, nor were they very rhythmic, but the wet sound grounded him nonetheless. 
He said quietly, “Much good it did for Zinnia.”
Selene made a small noise that suggested at least a sliver of remorse. “I could say the same for my failing Calla.”
Kiran sank onto his haunches in an abandon of energy in his limbs. The silk slid off one shoulder. *Fuck grief*, he thought savagely. Why could it take down the immortal Alpha of the Sun pack, the two-hundred-strong Keep and harem he built from the ground with his own blood and power? *Fuck love*.
“Kiran…” 
Selene’s hands smoothed over his back, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders. Her cheek rested between his shoulder blades. Her body was draped over his and they remained that way for longer than either of them would admit.
Finally she stood, and even Kiran wasn’t prepared for her to grab the collar of his robe and yank him up. He was in such a state that he let her drag him over to the couch and shove him onto it. She sank down next to him, hooking one leg over his lap and resting her chin on his exposed shoulder. 
Then she stared him down. “To sum it up so far: you want to have pups with me, we both regret the deaths of our soulmates and blame each other for it. Great. Now the second thing.”
Selene’s hand gently took his jaw and turned it toward her so she could press a kiss to his lips. Kiran closed his eyes and hated her more than ever.