Chapter 36

Mia POV
 
"How did it go?" 
 
"Bad, of course," I replied, hopping on the chair quickly.
 
" Why?" Ethan caked closer to me with a calm and Stern look.
 
" Ethan!" I looked at him eyeball to eyeball.
 
" What?" 
 
"How do you expect me to sleep with the guy I have low feelings for?" I said with a calm screech.
 
"But as part of what we discussed about Mia, you would sleep with him and then say it was rape and..." I interrupted his words.
 
"Ethan, even though I want him out of the way, I just can't do that," he interrupted.
 
"Do what?"
 
"Do what you ask of me? I can't just keep my body for my enemy to ride me for pleasure," I said still with a calm voice.
 
"Mia, I thought you were strong-headed." He questioned.
 
"I was once strong-headed and wanted him down, but this time around, I have to follow the protocols of life." 
 
"What protocols?"
 
"Can you just stop asking me useless questions, Ethan?" I urged.
 
"Why are you placing your attitude on me when you should have done that with the main rival?" He stood up with visible anger already.
 
"Ethan, I just can't sleep with him," he interrupted.
 
"But you once loved him," he said, this time with a calm tone.
 
"Yes, I once loved him, but still, I can't sleep with him." 
 
"Just give me a reason why."
 
"His is my past, and the past and present have nothing in common," I said with guilt riding my heart so fast.
 
" But..."
 
"Can this discussion just end now, please?" I stood up quickly.
 
*******
 
Ethan's expression just softened, and he nodded understandingly to me while I still glanced at him.
 
"Alright, Mia. I get it. Let's just drop it for now, as you said."
 
I nodded, feeling a mix of relief and guilt pounding in my chest. 
 
Relief that the conversation was ending already, but guilt for not being able to open up to Ethan about my true feelings. My body was calling to Andrew because I still remember the love I have for him. It still feels like yesterday to me when I feel in love with him but know the love is just clearing away.
 
I sat down again, looking into his eyes.
 
As we both sat in silence, I couldn't help but think about Andrew's words to me earlier.
 
"Our past doesn't define us." Was it true? Could I really move on from my past and create a new future with Ethan, or have I already created a new future? I always wanted Andrew back after he betrayed me, but why is this feeling coming back to me? Why is the attack as if I did something literally bad?
 
Ethan seemed to sense my thoughts and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, giving me comfort in his arms.
 
"Mia, you're strong and capable of handling all this. You can get through this." His words were just like high motivation to me at this stage already, since my head had lots of thought running through it.
 
I smiled weakly at him, feeling a sense of gratitude and hope towards his words and look. 
 
"Thanks, Ethan. That means a lot coming from you, and I truly need that now." 
 
We both sat in comfortable silence for a while, the tension between us dissipating. We are both just not giving words to each other, but within us, thoughts and words flow unstoppably.
 
After a few moments, Ethan spoke up, breaking the long silence in the room.
 
"Mia, can I ask you something?"
 
"Sure," I replied, curious.
 
"What do you think is the biggest obstacle in our relationship?" He asked.
 
I hesitated, unsure of how to answer and what to say. But then, I realized that honesty was the best policy since that was my dad's latest word to me every time.
 
"I think it's definitely trust. I don't fully trust you, and I don't think you fully trust me either, just like a balance equation."
 
Ethan nodded thoughtfully, adding a sniff. 
 
"I think you're right. Trust is a big issue for us both. But I want you to know that I'm working on it. I want to earn your trust, Mia."
 
I smiled, feeling a sense of hope wash down my spine. 
 
"I also want that too, Ethan. Let's work on it together." I just don't know what I am saying, but I know I was trying to help the young man have hope in me. But then I just had to ask.
 
"Wait, Ethan?" 
 
" What!".
 
"So, you don't trust me."
 
"I do trust you, and I can possibly die for you plus do anything to make you and Alexander happy," I faked my smile to him.
 
"You are lying, young man." I disagreed with his words.
 
"Do you know you are weird?" He changed the topic of the discussion to something that he doesn't know if he could pick offense with or just laugh at.
 
"How dare you?" I questioned him, giving him a Stern look.
 
"I'm just trying to free my mind here since we both are the only ones here," he smirked.
 
"So what are you trying to say?" I asked rudely.
 
"Nothing, but you are just totally weird and strict to everyone." His words made me angry so quick.
 
"You know what?" I stretched my head, reaching his.
 
"You are angry and about to say something useless," he laughed.
 
"I just hate you," he laughed so hard.
 
"Do you think it funny at all?" I picked up a pillow with anger and threw it on him, not minding his reaction.
 
"Mia, you are so childish, and you have to change for good," he said with a serious look.
 
"who's advising me on adulthood." I just started to laugh out of control, too.
 
"Mia," he stood up also.
 
"Bro, you have to act like a man." I hit him hard on his shoulder like a normal guy would.
 
" Hmmm..." Before he could say anything else, the phone buzzed.
 
"Who is that?" I asked him as soon as he changed his face.
 
"Sophia," he replied.
 
"Okay, we would be there." Not quite long after he picked up the call, he said those words, keeping me in high fear already.