47

C H A P T E R 5
N O A H
I felt the nearly scalding water run down my back. I let it pound into me, the pressure almost uncomfortable. I deserved the discomfort. Since I woke up that morning, a vision haunted my thoughts. Jenna Robertson. The beautiful
stranger kept crawling to the forefront of my mind.
I tried to push her away, but she was persistent. I couldn’t shake how patient and kind she was with Tess. Jenna didn’t know my daughter, but she felt the need to keep her company out of concern for her well-being. I only saw a brief interaction between the two, but I could imagine the impact she’d had on my daughter.
Tess kept gushing about how sweet Jenna was and how pretty she was. It was the first time in a long while that I’d seen Tess so lively. I felt conflicted. I was overjoyed that she was happy, even if it was for a short while. But I also couldn’t shake the spot of jealousy that coiled in my stomach. I couldn’t make her smile like that these days.
I came to the conclusion that Tess needed a mother figure in her life. I knew that, but to see how quickly she warmed up to a stranger caused my heart to ache. I wasn’t always there when Tess needed me because of my work and having to run
the company. I tried my damnedest to be a good father, but a young girl needs a mother.
Tess was brilliant and so independent at twelve, partly from losing her mother. I couldn’t, with good conscious, smother and coddle her. I would always be there when she needed me, but I knew she would come to me when she needed help.
I fought a growl as the image of Jenna with Tess crept into my mind again. The thought of my daughter couldn’t even keep the woman out! I couldn’t waste more time in the shower thinking about strangers. I grabbed my Old Spice body wash and cleaned myself with quick, mechanical movements.
I almost found it funny that I used to take such care of my appearance. When I really thought about it, my wife had given me a little nudge to put in the extra effort. She was a huge fan of different skin care routines and would buy fancy body washes and hair products. The products would change from shower to shower, and I would just use what was there. Maybe she knew that. Why had I only noticed when she was gone?
I finished my shower before my mind could dwell on my wife…or this new woman. I stepped out onto the floral bathmat Carolyn had chosen. I hadn’t been able to get rid of it. I grabbed a clean towel off the rack and began to dry myself off, then stopped in front of the mirror and looked myself over.
My tanned skin was reddened by the heat of the shower, and a stray drop of water rolled down my abdomen. I wrapped my towel around my waist and entered my room, letting my hair air dry and do whatever it wanted.
I changed into loose jeans and a plain black T-shirt. I had no need to go to the o ce today and really didn’t want to dress up if I didn’t have to.
I headed for the kitchen but paused at Tess’s room. Her door was open a crack, so I peered inside. She sat at her old desk with her back hunched over. I saw some of her textbooks laid out, but she wasn’t reading. She had tears in her eyes, and one hand tugged her hair.
In that instant, I wanted to fight - to protect my baby girl from the evils of the world. If it came down to it, I would fight any deity to protect my daughter. I would do anything for her. I hated to see her cry. It tore my already broken heart to shreds.
I pushed the bedroom door open and inched forward. I sunk to my knees beside her and kissed her cheek. Baby, what’s going on?
Tess continued to hiccup, and her tears didn’t stop.
Honey, you need to talk to me so I can help.
She rubbed her hands over her eyes. She sni½ed, and I reached for a box of tissues sitting on the corner of her desk. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. I let her take her time to collect herself. I had no idea how long she’d been crying, but I knew from experience that Tess needed time to calm down. I rested a hand on her back and stayed silent, waiting.
Take your time, I signed.
She nodded and I smiled weakly, even though she wasn’t looking at me. She was busy scrubbing her face and trying to get rid of any evidence she had been crying.
Once she was calm, she turned to me. I’m sorry, Papa, Tess said, hands shaking as she signed.
My brows furrowed in confusion. Why are you sorry, baby?
I can’t keep doing this. I can’t stand my desk, I can’t stand my room. I feel like I can barely handle anything without thinking of Mom. And this room is the worst! It’s a baby’s room.
I hid my emotions well and opened my arms for a hug. Tess’s lips quivered as she threw herself into my embrace. I pet the back of her head and gently rocked her back and forth. After a few minutes, I pushed her back so she could see me.
You don’t have to be sorry about any of that. I feel like a baby though...
You’re not a baby. None of this is fun. I miss Mama.
I do too, honey. I miss her more than anything. It’s ok to cry and feel sad. There’s nothing wrong with feeling emotion, but you gotta be able to pick yourself back up.
What if all I’m feeling is sad?
That’s fine too. The sadness you feel will pass with time. It might take a long time, but it will. You just gotta promise me something.
What?
Whenever you feel like this, I want you to come talk to me. It’ll help not having to keep it all in. Okay?
Tess nodded. Okay, Papa. Thank you, honey.
We sat in silence, and I looked around Tess’s room. I could understand what she’d said about her room feeling too young. It was a hot pink color that didn’t suit Tess anymore, and it felt more like a stranger’s room than my daughter’s. I glanced at her desk and couldn’t believe she hadn’t complained about it earlier. It was so small compared to the desk space she really needed. I didn’t come into Tess’s room often, and when I did, I didn’t pay attention to her desk. I felt resolve settle, and I leaned back so I could look into her face.
Sweetie, I started. If you’d like, we can redo your room. We can redo everything if you’d like. I’d be willing to change the condo in its entirety if that would make you happy.
Tess let out a little giggle. I don’t think we need to change the whole condo. I wouldn’t complain about a new couch, though. Maybe a game console. A smile finally crossed her face.
I smiled and moved to sit down on the carpet. Tess crawled off me, much calmer, and I told her I had a phone call to make. When I stood up, I ru½ed Tess’s hair and gestured for her to follow me.
We walked side by side into the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator.
Anything in particular you want to eat? Could we have French toast?
Go see if we have bread.
Tess shot over to the bread cabinet and gave me a thumbs up. She pulled out half a loaf of white bread and I grabbed a carton of eggs.
Do you want to help?
Tess nodded and I was relieved to see an easy grin. Together we made a massive stack of French toast for each of us. We sat at the island table, and I smothered a laugh as Tess doused her French toast in maple syrup and butter. We put the dishes in the dishwasher after we finished our food, and Tess went back to her room.
Thank you, Papa. She gave me a quick hug before she left.
I was happy Tess seemed to feel a bit better. I knew she wasn’t all better, but the fact that I could help at all warmed my heart. Now I just had to find the business card Jenna had given me yesterday.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my room, searching for my pants. I found them on the floor where I’d tossed them, picked them up, and dug through the pockets until I found the card. I sat on my bed and pulled my phone out of my pocket.
I dialed the number and waited for Jenna to pick up. “Hello?” I heard a frazzled voice over the line.
“Is this Jenna Robertson?”
“Yes?” Her voice was tentative, but the richness of it sent a tingle through my system.
“Yes, hi, this is Noah Clark. You gave me your card yesterday when I found you with my daughter?”
“Oh, yes, of course. What can I do for you?”
In comparison to mine, her voice was light and sweet. Honey smooth.
I tried to ignore the thoughts that invaded me. I could feel heat travel down my stomach and straight to my groin. I
wasn’t going to let those thoughts influence me, though. It didn’t matter that I wanted to hear her whisper dirty pleas into my ear. I still loved my wife and refused to betray her memory.
“I’d like you to help redecorate my daughter’s room. It’s in dire need of a change.”
“Well, you called the right woman for the job,” she exclaimed. “If you’re free tomorrow, I could stop by and get an idea of what Tess would like done.”
“That works. I should be home from work by five.”
“I can be there then. I just need your address and we can talk more tomorrow.”
I gave her my address and disconnected the call. I placed the phone next to me and ran my hands through my hair, feeling my short nails scrape my scalp and groaned.
Jenna Robertson would be in my home tomorrow, and I would have to try and control my thoughts. It had been so long since a woman had piqued any sort of interest in me. Sure, I had noticed attractive women, but none had invaded my thoughts like Jenna.
An enormous wave of guilt washed over me as I sat on my bed. When Carolyn was in her last days, she’d made me promise that I would move on and find happiness and love again. She hadn’t wanted me to wither away without her. But even two years later, I couldn’t imagine letting another woman into my life. And I had Tess to think about too. I tucked my phone away and walked to Tess’s room to tell her the news. She let out a little shriek of joy and launched herself at me. She gave me her best impression of a bone- crushing hug as my phone rang.
I chuckled as she released me and walked into the hallway. I thought it was Jenna, so I picked up without looking at the number.
“Hello?” There was no response. I looked down at my phone to see if I actually answered the call and didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?” Still no reply, but I could hear breathing. I felt a wave of rage. Not again. “Who the fuck is this?” I walked away from Tess’s door.
The breathing continued and got louder like the person on the other line had the receiver away from their face and moved it slowly closer.
“Listen here, motherfucker. You need to find someone else to prank!”
My grip became crushing around my phone. My knuckles turned white, and I wanted to tear the person apart. I couldn’t even count how many times this had happened in the past year. It started a couple of months after my father died and I took over the company. I thought nothing of it at first; it was just a prank caller.
Now? I was pissed.
“Leave me the fuck alone! Stop calling!” I hung up and almost threw my phone across the room.