Forty-Five

AS soon as she entered the library and saw the additional books on the new floor-to-ceiling shelves installed yesterday, Adalene gasped in delight.
“I have new books!” she exclaimed, to which her tutor reacted with a tsk-tsk. Fabian acquired a tutor to teach her the necessary Italian phrases in the language she needed for their travels.
He would have wanted to get her another one for computing, but she was already in good relations with his compter who helped her with understanding some accounts in books she found here.
Besides, Adalene only needed to learn the numbers needed for accounts concerned with buying stock and inventory. The Baron—her husband’s people were very capable.
But, anyway, the new hardbound books Fabian bought for her were the ones she had requested.
She wanted a few books written in the Italian language so she could start reading them and understand more the context of what her tutor was teaching her.
And for the next three hours, Adalene stayed in the library for her lessons with Mdme. Cléore and for further reading and studying on her own.
She barely managed to say her goodbye in Italian when the madame left.
She was inside a quarter of one of the books with a dictionary on the side when the compter came in with Fabian, who dropped a kiss on her forehead before both men settled on chairs in the other desk on the further part of the library from where she reclined, to discuss the books and the new list of what to buy the next trip.
She didn’t even go over. She usually would sit near them when they do this because she learned a lot just by listening.
But she was so engrossed in the story and the compter left and Fabian continued working on the books of transactions. Juliet had come with biscuits and tea and went. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sight to the servants, what they could see inside the library that also served as the study.
When she wasn’t doing anything at all, she would be here, sitting on her favorite seater—which was the biggest one here—reading a book while Fabian worked on his accounting books, both of them in their own bubble of contented marital bliss.
There was once a time when Great-Aunt the Lady Madeleine found them here like this and she smiled as she turned her eyes from Adalene on the seater and Fabian on the desk, and warned them to milk these moments as much as they could then reminded them about babies again.
That they still hadn't produced any.
She frowned a bit at the memory now, as it distracted me from what I was reading.
The knight Domizio was going to propose to the lovely Rosetta, but in the dark, he'd mistakenly kissed her sister Ines who was secretly in love with him and this was witnessed by her lover Pierluigi.
And so Domizio was probably going to die.
She stopped for a moment, feeling like she wasn’t ready to find out for sure that Rosetta was going to lose Domizio, and thought of something else. And that was how the wee babies got to her.
She glanced over at her husband.
He was focused on the books while he wore his spectacles. They hadn’t talked so much about having babies yet. They were mostly focused on each other, or planning the trips and getting ready, and the trips themselves.
If it was ever mentioned, it was in the context of they were going to have children, surely, someday.
Adalene wondered if he even thought of it as much as she did, or if she thought about it enough. On the two trips, they were mindful about her regular monthly flow, taking care to only have sex during days she wasn’t liable to get pregnant.
But they didn’t mind when they were home. She was informed that there were other ways to prevent pregnancy if they hadn’t planned on having a baby soon, but she never asked for a concoction, not only because she was expected to decline, but because she truly wanted to give Fabian a child.
It was as if he felt her eyes were on him and he raised his eyes, and then he frowned a little.
And she couldn’t stop the smile that escaped her lips because she knew he was mimicking her face.
In the next moment, he was leaving his books and the spectacles on the table and walking over to her.
He lifted her up from the seater while she did a ‘whoop!’ and sat there, and then laid her over his lap.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you from your work,” she mumbled, apologetic.
“I need a break, and I miss this smile,” he replied, then kissed the smile on her lips.
She giggled inside the kiss before responding to it. And it took a while before he lifted his head, and only because he remembered why he went over to her.
“Alright. There’s something inside your head,” he finally said, his voice a little gravelly from the kiss.
But there were moments when, even as she felt his arousal poking at her butt as she was sitting on him, they talked.
They connected with their thoughts, and it was more important than having sex.
They were as hungry for this as they were for their physical needs for each other. “Tell me.”
“I only remembered something that happened a while back because I thought it feels good being here with you with the two of us doing what we do, and yet, feeling content even when we’re not talking. I mean, a while ago, we weren’t talking. And… stop that, you are distracting me, Fabian.”
He raised his head from nuzzling her neck. “Sorry. Your neck’s delectable... soft and smells so good. I love kissing you here.”
She gulped as she tried to get back to her thoughts. She loved him kissing her there, too.
Sometimes, they do get distracted from just talking when they’re touching each other like this.
“Well, I need to say something first before I forget it.”
He was watching her closely, his face near hers, his eyes focused on her now. “What is it, *ma bichette*?”
“Do you ever think about having children?”
He didn’t answer right away, and she waited. He smiled, but it was not his usual one. “Of course, I do want to have children.”
She stared at him, and he seemed uncomfortable. And of course, she started to worry. “You don’t want to have children with me?”
His arms tightened around her. “It’s not that. It’s… I want to see a little you and little me chattering and running around the house. But…” he gulped, and his eyes lowered from mine. “I try not to think about it so much, *ma bichette*, hence it happens and I… I’ve seen so many women die or get sick after giving birth. And I’m not sure I am ready for that part of it.”
She watched him, and she found herself blinking because her eyes were suddenly wet. “You were worried about me?”
He nodded. “Always been thinking of that more than having children, to be honest.” He closed his eyes. “I know people always say to have children is more important, and it’s a responsibility women do for their husbands. But if I can get it from you and do it for you… damn it.”
Her mouth formed an ‘o’ because she just simply couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “You want to give birth in my place?”
His face was all red now. Then he finally raised his eyes back at her eyes now. “Yes. Why is birthing given to the weaker gender? *C'est un truc de fou! (It is crazy!)*”
“Fabian, more women survive giving birth than those who don’t.” She caressed the sides of his face, his cheeks. “And sometimes, it happens because they’re too poor to have good food or a warmer house… and you have done so much to help because you are providing some work for the womenfolk to help earn for the family.”
“Adalene, I have watched two of my beloved tante die in childbirth so it isn’t just about being poor.” The calloused pad of his thumb caressed my cheek. “I do want to have children. I do. But let’s wait for a little more, *ma bichette*. I want you to be healthy and strong before we do.”
“I want to be a mother, Fabian. I want to be the mother of your children. You’re not going to try and make someone else pregnant just because you’re scared I’ll die?”