Chapter 28 Promises

“Yuxi, embrace your darkness,” she heard a female voice.
She took a deep breath and looked around her, but there was nobody.
Was she dreaming or hearing things? She was definitely alone. The voice didn’t sound like her own. She breathed again and Zhan Peng came inside the cave.
“Yuxi.” He held her delicately, hugging her from behind as he normally did.
“I know this is hard for you to take in right now, but I’m serious. I’ll ‌explain to Yang Tian. I’m sure he will understand.”
Yuxi turned around and faced him tenderly. In her heart, she knew this was the man she couldn’t bear to let go. He was her subordinate and her mercenary. It was not a relationship to be proud of. In fact, if Du Hui or his senior subjects, including her father, knew, they would highly frown upon them being together. But her rebellious nature compelled her to not go along with the rules.
Plus, she had lusted after him a long time.
Still, that he was a prince from a faraway land and wanted to make her his wife was arduous for her to accept in such a short time.
She had to make the right decision.
“Let me think about it,” she said eventually, and he released her reluctantly.
…………………………………………………………………….
Some time had passed when she was alone in the cave, and he was scavenging outside.
“What about us? You know ‌ we are employer and mercenary. We can’t have a normal relationship,” she had said to him earlier.
He reflected on her words, and she knew he agreed with her. This was the reason she was probably trying to maintain distance with him in the past. But now that they were stranded here, and they revealed their feelings for each other, he couldn’t just irresponsibly walk away from her.
He also wanted to spend more time with her. They had a mission before them, and staying alive was paramount. But he wanted to look forward to that future between them. She was the light of his life now, not Di Pao or any of the other women sent willingly to his bed. The way she moaned when he took her first time and how special she felt when they were alone together. He already knew she was the one he wanted to spend his entire lifetime with.
At first, he had planned to use her desires for him to gain her, but he hadn’t contemplated the moral issues behind their union. He ventured outside where she was lying on the green grass, watching the open sky silently.
“Yuxi?”
“I am just wondering if they ever noticed I was gone. Not replying to their messages. Or that their agents have reported to the king that I haven’t returned for days.”
“Yuxi, what are the worst things that might happen if anyone finds out about us?”
His question surprised her, and she barely had time to retaliate before he wound his arms around her and connected his lips to hers. Gently pushing her down on the grass, he pulled his tunic off her body, leaving her in nothingness.
She forcefully disengaged their lips.
“Wait..”
“What’s wrong, Yuxi?”
She blushed and looked away from him. Her face was red, like it had been when she ran from him earlier. He surveyed her body carefully. She had covered her lower abdomen in some cloth she knotted together. There were a few stains on the cloth, further confirming his suspicion.
“It’s your time of the month, right?”
She just shied away further. He chased her and cornered her at the end of the cave.
“Don’t worry, I understand. I know it must be very uncomfortable for you right now. Later, I’ll prepare you some warm cloth to put over your tummy.”
Seeing her naked body in front of him was contesting his patience. He felt himself harden with every movement from her, but he had to hold himself back and understand her discomfort.
“I..”
Love. It turned someone as feisty and strong as her into a shy and silly person in love. He had to appreciate and remind her ‌he was there for her. Now that they were together, he couldn’t treat her like how he did in the past. He had to be a man, and her man and husband at that.
She was a little rash, and this could be her downfall. He had to protect her from committing such mistakes that could cost her more than just a few whips. Speaking of the whips, her scars had healed considerably well that he could barely notice them, as if they never happened.
She took a few minutes to clear her mind before she spoke to him clearly.
“I don’t deserve this,” she said in her mature voice. He knew the independent part of her was taking over.
“I don’t need a man to take care of me,” she explained. “I’ve lived all these years of my life without being dependent. And between us, I want to pursue you. I just never came to terms with my feelings.” She brushed her hair away from her face and stared at him bravely.
“Because I’ve loved no one before. So let me have this experience, Zhan Peng. Let me chase you and learn what it means to love someone to the depths of the earth.” She continued confidently.
“Are you saying that you want to take the reins in our relationship? It’s been weeks since we started this. It’s just that I said nothing about making it official,” he replied teasingly.
“YES!” she shouted. “I want to pursue you and make you mine.”
He chuckled. “Qian Yuxi, for thousands of years men have done the chasing and women have little say over the question of marriage. Even women have little authority in the home. Men are the breadwinners and the masters of the home. So, why don’t you just let go of your worries and allow me to take care of you?”
The emotion in Yuxi’s eyes told him she disagreed. She was fond of leading and was glad to be given the authority from Du Hui to lead the mission. But marriage was a distinct matter. She was his responsibility, as well as any children they would have in future, if his problem got fixed.
He didn’t think it was too early that he was thinking of having children with Yuxi someday and that a boy would bear his handsome looks and a girl would be as beautiful and independent as Yuxi. But the likelihood of them having children was close to none, and it was just a pipe dream for him.
“No.” She glared daggers at him with her bright eyes. “I will not let you have the authority in this. No matter whether it’s the mission or our relationship, I will be the one taking the reins.”
He witnessed how adamant she was and knew with her stubbornness she would never listen to him anyway. Rather than end up with a mad Yuxi who ignored him for days, he let her have her way. There was plenty of time before they eventually got married, and she wouldn’t be getting pregnant ‌soon.
“Okay.”
“What?” His answer startled her, as if she expected him to respond in a different way.
“Yes. I’m allowing you to take me by the reins.”
“You mean it?”
Had he given her the wrong answer? He had expected that she would be happy to hear what he said, but she appeared more perturbed.
“Yuxi, aren’t you happy?”
“But I like how you take the lead with me,” she whispered softly. “It’s just our relationship.”
She inhaled deeply. “This isn’t Longsu. If we get married, I can say… we’ll be heavily looked down upon, especially you. Because here, you’re a nobody. But if I become the Imperial Advisor, and I pursue you then, it’s a different thing altogether.”
He stroked her hair and gazed into her eyes.
“I understand. Whatever your decision is, I’ll go with it. As long as you’re willing to be with me until the end.”
She smiled proudly and nodded.
“Let’s see how this journey takes us, will we?”
“I have a piece of good news for you, Yuxi,” he added, still caressing her hair lovingly. “I’ve regained most of my strength. Tomorrow, we should be able to leave this place. But I want to make sure you’ll stick to your promise.”
She swallowed and looked at him nervously. “How?”
“You know.” He smiled at her deviously.
“Just wait a few more days, will you please?” She trembled in her shirtless state. He laughed and covered her with his cloak.
“I was just teasing.”
“Pinky promise? Then you’ll know that I won’t change my mind.”
“I’m thinking about something more than that,” he said, and cupped her cheeks. “Don’t overthink it, Yuxi. Trust your heart.”