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4 years later.
Ice's POV:
I have been struggling to get out of bed lately; I think it's the fact that
Sofia's 4 year anniversary is approaching quite quickly and most of us still
haven't finished grieving. Especially Ace.
Ace went on a rampage for about two years after she died, just killing
anything or anyone that pissed him off except for Jaxon obviously. He had
went from barely getting out of bed to killing everyone including the police
force and innocent people who he thought was guilty.
But then, almost two years ago around this time, he just suddenly stopped.
Personally I don't think he has the energy anymore to kill people, not to
mention Jaxon who can now have a full conversation. A short one, but a
conversation nonetheless. Little does Jaxon know today's his mother's 4
year death anniversary.
I still feel like Dante and I are walking on eggshells around Ace. We're
always careful not to mention her name, just incase he snaps.
I walked into the sitting room where I saw the photo flipped over, facing the
coffee stand. I sighed as I looked at it; it was a photo of him and her. He
doesn't have the strength to throw the photo's around the house away so
instead, he just flips it over; I assume it's so that when he's doing things in
the house, he's not reminded of her.
I know the guilt is tearing him up inside because he's always saying it
should've been him but I know Sofia would rather herself die than Ace.
She's always been too selfless.
Jaxon suddenly burst through the doors. "Alex, Alex, look what I found" he
shouted happily as his little legs ran as fast as they could over to me. He
handed me a photo. "Where did you get this bud?" I asked curiously,
holding the photo of Sofia and I. "It was on the floor" he mumbled as he
pointed at the wooden floor. "It probably fell off of the wall" I muttered to
myself.
"Alex, can I have a cookie" Jaxon cheered while jumping before falling to
the ground. He began to cry as he looked at his cut elbow. "It's okay, lets go
get your dada" I grumbled as I lifted Jaxon into my arms. "But dada's
working and he says we're not allowed in" Jaxon pouted. "I think we can go
in, just this once" I said, placing my finger over my lips to imply it was a
secret.
"Ok" Jaxon whimpered.
—————————
Ice was downstairs taking care of Jaxon so I had a few minutes at most to
spend alone with my thoughts. I travelled from my office to my bedroom;
our bedroom.
I lay on the bed, letting out a deep sigh as I gazed at loose cover on the bed.
The tips of my fingers ran along the bed where she once lay next me. It felt
like a lifetime ago that I had saw her face or heard her voice; Her real voice.
I'm constantly terrified that I'm going to forget her. As the years go by I'm
forgetting the way her touch sent electricity through my body like it had
never been touched before; Or maybe it's the fact that I know her smile is
slowly fading away from my memory. There's also a consistent dull ache in
my chest because I long for her. Longing to kiss her lips and say I love you
one last time.
I slipped my phone out of my pocket and dialed a number. They didn't
answer but their voicemail did.
"Hey, it's Sofia, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as
soon as possible. Have a great day". Hearing her voice was like a weight
had been lifted off my shoulders. All my stress instantly melted away as I
heard her voice.
"Hey Sof.....it's Ace, it's been awhile since I've done this" I muttered into
the phone. I glanced at the floor while I tried to control my breathing. "It's
four years today" I finally blurted out, my eyes stinging from the tears that
were beginning to well up. "I usually limit myself to hearing this once a
week so that I don't over do it because I know it's not healthy and I've
already called this week but I said fuck it due to the fact you been.....gone
four years now" I bit my lip as I tried desperately to hold back the tears.
"I can't fucking do it Sof, I can't" I sobbed, finally letting myself
breakdown. "Everything fucking hurts and I haven't even touched my
journal in months, I know if I open it and see how happy I was...... I'd try to
join where you are now" I uttered ashamed as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry I broke my promise, I have to carry that guilt around with me eeveryday" I released a sob at the end of my sentence. "The guilt is so heavy
that sometimes I feel like I can't breathe because of it" I whimpered.
"My heart aches for you everyday. Sometimes I wonder if you even saved
my life by dying because now I'm miserable all the time. Everyone kept
telling me that I'd feel better and that time would heal the hole in my heart
that you left but if I'm being honest, I think it's only gotten deeper" I
explained with a heavy heart, letting out my bottled grief.
I calmed myself down as best I could.
"But on the bright side Jaxon turns 4 tomorrow" I mumbled "He....saw a
photo of you the other day and he recognised you. I've never been prouder
yet so creeped out" I said with my tone becoming more happier than
previously. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the ground.
"But yeah, I just called to let you know how we were doing. I love you
Sof...... I'm still in love with you and I can't wait for the day I'm with you
again" my lip quivered as I spoke.
I hung up.
I reached out for her pillow, that hadn't been used since the night she died.
I adjusted it, realising it was crooked and suddenly a corner of her diary
peeked out at me from underneath it. Our maids change our sheets so they
would've found it and just put it back where it was after they were finished,
assuming I knew that it was there.
I searched everywhere for her journal after she died and the one place I
didn't look. I felt like punching myself.
My fingers traced the cover of it. This was one of the last things she
touched. It's weird how special the little things become.
I don't have the energy to read this tonight.
And just as I thought that, Ice and Jaxon came into the room. Jaxon had
tears rolling down his cheeks as his bottom lip was in a pout. He was
staring at his cut elbow.
"Oh...we can leave you alone" Ice uttered, noticing what I was holding.
"No, I want dada!" Jaxon shouted, squirming in Ice's arms.
"It's okay, give him to me" I sighed, taking Jaxon into my arms. Ice walked
out, respectively and shut the door behind him. "What happened?" I hushed
Jaxon who was crying. "I fall" he blubbered with snot coming out of his
nose. I took the tissue from my night stand and wiped his nose. "Does it
hurt?" I asked curiously. "No" Jaxon stated bluntly. I smiled, letting out a
small chuckle.
"So why are crying bud?" I questioned. "I don't like it" he muttered,
pointing to his blood. "Ohhh" I nodded with a light tone, taking the first aid
kit out of my night stand. "I have these all over the house" I smiled. "Why?"
Jaxon asked. "I used to get a lot of owies too so I put one of these in every
room" I whispered, cutting the plaster and placing it on his elbow.
I sat Jaxon on my lap as he played with the strings of my hoodie. "All
better" Jaxon smiled with tears still rolling down his cheeks. I grinned,
wiping the tears with my thumb. I kissed his forehead. "Tomorrow you turn
4!" I shouted excitedly. He let out a giggle as I stood up, lifting him in the
air. "4!" He repeated, holding up his fingers. I decided to make his birthday
one day after his mother's death date so that he could have the day all to
himself.
"You're going to be a big boy!" I said happily, throwing him back onto the
bed. He laugh uncontrollably as he tried to sit back up normally on the bed.
He let out a yawn before rubbing his eye. "Is someone tired ?" I asked
curiously, with one eyebrow raised. "No, I want to play!" He said, starting
to throw a tantrum. "Hey, you're a big boy tomorrow, no more tantrums" I
warned him, putting on my strict voice. "I just want to play with you" he
cried. "We can play all day tomorrow" I assured him, seeing his eyes
immediately light up.
"You promise?" He asked happily. "I promise" I muttered. "Okay" Jaxon
pouted again, but wasn't crying any longer. "Let's go kiddo" I grabbed his
hand.
I took him to his bedroom and he climbed into his bed. "Read this one!" He
shouted with a big smile plastered on his face. His light, slightly curly
brown hair was all messy and his big brown eyes sparkled with happiness.
There was so much of her in him; it was almost painful.
I began to read the book and as I reached half way through, I heard little
snores coming from his bed. I glanced over to see him knocked out. I
placed my hand on his chest, just to feel his heart beat. It gave me peace of
mind knowing his was still beating.
"I love you Jaxon" I whispered as I stood at his door.
I quietly walked into my room.
Death is the price you pay for love.