Chapter 34

It was a coastal rainy evening, cold breeze touching his skin, and silence filled his ears. He looked up into the dark sky and smiled bitterly.



Before You Go

By: Lewis Capaldi

I fell by the wayside like everyone else

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was just kidding myself

Our every moment, I start to replace

'Cause now that they're gone all I hear were the words that I needed to say

When you hurt under the surface

Like troubled water running cold

Well, time can heal but this won't



"There is so much in my life now, Mirana. There is so much I could have done before. I wish I had done so much but now what? I'm here right outside our house. I'm sorry and I immediately left you when you lost your life, I just couldn't. I can at first but as I held your cold hand that was before warm, your wrist, I break down, I just couldn't," he said hastily and the tears were pouring down that he kept in himself for days. He held his hands close to his chest and kept crying. His eyes rippled with pain coming from his chest.

"I can't Mirana, it's hard. But no matter what I say you fight, no matter how much I want you to fight, no matter how much I pray you to fight but I know you can't, I know it with your smiles, I know you are struggling, I know you are fighting. At that time I knew you were fighting the pain you were feeling so that it was okay for me to let you go, it's okay to let go. It's okay to leave, you've sacrificed too much Mirana, you've sacrificed a lot. And I am that fool who never believed you, I should have died, not you. I want to die now, I can't bear my situation right now it kills me slowly and I don't like it," his voice cracked and his shoulders were going up and down, he was crying out of his heart he can no longer bear the pain in his heart.



So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better?

If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless

So, before you go

Was never the right time whenever you called

Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all



"How can I get up now Mirana? Those are the questions I ask all my life. What happens to me now? What is happening to me now? I can't live in this world without you. I can't breathe in this world without you. What am I supposed to do? What should I have done then? If time can be turned back, give me one last chance, I know Mirana had given me many chances but what did I do? The goddamn regret. I love her so, from the very start we met, I fell for her even though in that beginning I know she's not serious, she plays but I'm a fool, I take the chances of being with her, being near to her. That's what loves do, love can do crazy things. The biggest regret of my life is letting you go Mirana if only I hadn't sent my emotions back then when you would have humiliated me all over campus if only I had not led to revenge and just received and loved you every day and court you every day this would not be the case for us today. You wouldn't have been there," he said and looked up at the sky, there was almost no rain, and only the frost and cold air were just touching his face.



Our every moment, I start to replay

But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face

When you hurt under the surface

Like troubled water running cold

Well, time can heal but this won't

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better?

If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless

So, before you go

Would we be better off by now

If I'd have let my walls come down

Maybe I guess we'll never know

You know, you know

Before you go

Was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better?



"I let my love go, what did I do? I let my revenge eat me. I'm 60 years old now and today is my birthday Mirana, happy birthday to me," he smiled.

"Until now the guilt and anger eat me, I'm angry with myself Mirana, I am the reason. I am the reason why you are gone. Even with all the exploration, I still can't forgive myself. They say life is short but it's goddamn not, it's long. The life is too long, I'm alive, breathing Mirana but I still feel like I'm dying every day. Don't worry about there my love, I didn't forget our son, I cared for him, I gave him everything he needed, I didn't let him down because I didn't want to eventually regret why I didn't do anything for him, look at him now. I didn't show them all that until now, at this age I'm still affected by your loss, don't worry nobody knows, just you and me Mirana, just you and me."





If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless

So, before you go

Would we be better off by now

If I'd have let my walls come down

Maybe I guess we'll never know

You know, you know

Before you go

Was there something I could've said to make your heartbeat better?

If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?

It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless

So, before you go