Chapter Thirty-Three

Lucas couldn’t breathe. His gaze remained fixated on the closed door before him, his ears deafened by the loud silence blaring into them.
She was gone. She left him.
“Kara…” he whispered. “Kara!” The scream startled everyone and before anybody could move Luc was dashing towards the door, throwing it open and running out into the dark night where tail lights could be seen disappearing into the darkness.
“Kara!” Lucas ran as fast as his legs could carry him, but it was no use. The car was gone.
He stood on the gravel, breathing hard and staring into the darkness.
“Kara…fuck. Fuck.” He panted, gripping his hair in both hands as the dire need to rip it out overcame him. “Oh, my God, Kara…”
Lucas stood there for a long time, his entire being burning up with the inconsolable need to have her back. Only now that she was gone, could he see the true magnitude of the hole her absence left in him and even if he couldn’t see it, the diabolical pain in his head, in his heart told him that it was a bloody huge hole.
Lucas groaned at the churning in his gut and squatted on the ground. He couldn’t do it… he couldn’t let her go like this. But the look in her eyes before she left him...
The pain in his gut grew worse and Lucas clenched his jaw, fighting the nausea.
She’d looked at him like he was the pits and she’d as soon marry a nanny goat as she would take him back. He’d lost the chance to ever have her love him back, lost the simple yet irreplaceable joy of having her beside him for the rest of his life. And he’d done that all by himself.
Bile rose up his throat and nearly choked him before it disappeared back down his throat. Lucas grimaced, clutching painfully at his hair with one hand, the other pressed against his abdomen.
The crunching sound of footsteps on gravel came from behind him, but he didn’t rise, refusing face anyone or see the You-big-idiot expression on their face. Even though he was an idiot. He’d let Kara leave him… she walked out of his life and he’d let her. Nothing had ever felt so painful before… not even when he’d first seen his mother begin to treat François like he was her son too. Lucas had had the anger and pain of an immature adolescent then, but what he was feeling at this moment… it was the devil in comparison.
The sound of footsteps stopped.
“She’s gone,” said a voice.
Luc’s jaw clenched as he rose and turned around to face his step-brother, steeling himself for the reproach and disappointment he’d see in François’s eyes.
However, it wasn’t disappointment he saw in his brother’s blue eyes. It was simply sadness.
François leaned his weight on one leg in a stance that made his forty-five year old self look easily a decade younger. He studied Lucas with that look that had always made Luc feel like he was just some little kid compared to François Olivier.
“What are you doing here?” Luc grated out through a strained throat.
François came closer. “Did you really hand her over to Markos Vilmont, Luc?” he asked, ignoring Luc’s question.
The hardening of the ridge of Luc’s jaw told François that that had been the last thing his little brother wanted to hear. Tough. François didn’t plan on walking on egg shells around Lucas.
“Go ahead,” murmured Luc. “Rub it in. Gloat in my face about your perfection and tell me what a fuck up I am! Tell me!”
“That’s not what this is about, Lucas! And I have never thought you were a fuck up,” said François truthfully. He’d just never understood why he and Lucas had never gotten along. It was so unnecessary and it exhausted both of them.
“Leave me, François.”
“You… you judged her because of her background, Lucas. You judged her poverty? Do I have to remind you how things were when you were a child? How hard things were? You’re the last person who could judge somebody else…”
“I never judged her for her poverty!” Lucas yelled, his jaw clenched hard in fury. “I’d never do that! And, no, you don’t have to remind me of how things were with my mother and I because I haven’t forgotten! I judged her because of Vilmont and I was wrong, I regret it! God, I… I regret it.”
Luc laughed and the sound was dark and bitter. “I swear… I don’t even know what the fuck to do right now… Kara’s just left me… I need you to leave me alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck was going through your mind when you tossed her up like a turkey for the killing, Lucas! Tu est fou, ou quoi?!”
“Oui! Je suis fou, tu m’attend?! I’m crazy. I’ve always been crazy, Franç and now it’s cost me the woman I love! I’ve fucked up, je le sais. Dammit, Franç, I don’t know…” Lucas trailed off, feeling his body become drained of energy as the desolation of not having Kara flooded through him. “I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”
François’s jaw clenched as he watched Lucas practically lose his mind right there.
“What you’re going to do is you’re going to go to the US and get Kara back. You can’t give up, Lucas, you love her!”
Lucas shook his head and turned for the house. “I need a drink.”
“What you need is Kara!”
Lucas turned on his brother, his entire body and mind held in the grip of reckless frustration. “You don’t think I know that?! I know I need her! But she’s not here, she’s left me.”
“Then you get her back.”
“And what if she doesn’t want me, huh?! Just because I love her doesn’t mean she loves me, Franç.”
François scoffed. “Are you kidding me?! That girl is more in love with you than she could ever be and you’re telling me that you didn’t see that?!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, François. I never did anything that could make Kara love me. I behaved like a jackass from the first moment she walked into my life right up until she walked out… I don’t deserve her and if my Kara doesn’t want me then I won’t force myself on her… even if it kills me.”
Luc turned on his heel and François watched him trudge back to the house, his fists clenched tightly.
At that moment, François was convinced beyond doubt that Lucas was in love with Kara. Never before… ever since Lucas had lived with him, since he moved out rebelliously and began his initial dangerous work- of which François had completely disapproved- up until that minute… never had François seen that look of utter hopelessness in his younger brother’s eyes. Kara had really left and he was worried about how Luc was going to move on without her. Whether he would move on.
He watched Luc’s back disappear into Raphaël’s house and slowly followed, his heart heavier than it had been in a long time.

**********
Kara’s eyes were absolutely huge. She stared at everything and was afraid to touch anything. She’d told herself repeatedly in the car – after crying her tear ducts dry- that she’d act normal and nobody would know that this was the first time she ever got on a plane. Nope, Vilmont’s drug business didn’t stretch all across the oceans.
Besides, he’d have never put her on a plane with his precious drugs where his guard dogs would have a hard time watching her every move. The man never trusted her.
Kara sighed at the thought and pushed it out of her mind. She’d hung around for about two hours downstairs with Raphaël’s driver man, whose name was Tristan, until it was time for her to board and he’d guided her through everything, walking her all the way to her gate and then handing her over to a smiling air hostess. The woman was smiling too hard and Kara eyed her warily. She looked like she came from a factory called ‘Sweet and Polite”.
Holding her bag tightly against herself, she tensed when Tristan leaned in and told her to enjoy her flight and that Raphaël and Isabelle would arrange her US account for the money.
She’d given him a blank look and a nod. With that, the man saluted her and left her standing there, looking like an abandoned child on the doorstep of hell. Suddenly, she gasped. God, Raphaël and Isabelle! She’d never even said goodbye and thanked them properly!
The hostess began to politely indicate the way into the plane, but stopped in hesitation when Kara threw her head back and groaned at her blunder.
Isabelle and her husband had helped her so much, the least she could have done was thank them! Damn, for the amount of money they set her up with, the least she could have done was offer them her kidney for any emergency replacements. But she’d ran out. She hadn’t run out of kidneys, mind you, she had two, but she’d run out of the house. Because of Lucas. Oh, no, she’d thought his name and now her mind would be full of him in the next instant.
Kara groaned again, earning a look of polite wariness from the hostess, but she didn’t mind the tall blonde, only focused on the click-clack of the lady’s hostess-y heels as she led Kara into the plane.
Kara had difficulty keeping her mouth closed, which was very baffling for her, seeing as for all twenty-plus years of her life, she’d always thought she was really quite a boffin at keeping her mouth closed! Apparently not, because there it hung wide open as she stared at the interior of the plane.
“Welcome to First Class Private, ma’am,” said the hostess in a sultry French accent.
All she received in response was a squeak of gratitude, which had the hostess giving Kara a look that clearly showed her uncertainty of Kara’s mental health, but politely, of course.
Kara looked around and saw only about four seating arrangements set about five feet away from each other forming a square. In two of the other private booth-like seats, sat two gorgeous, scary looking men. Both wore suits and typed furiously away at their shiny laptops, taking no notice of the girl with the reddened eyes who stared at them from a few feet away.
When her eyes returned to the hostess who stood aside, politely waiting for the gawking to end, Kara gulped and nodded.
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome, mademoiselle. Please be seated here, we will take off soon minutes.”
Before Kara could get another word out, the lady was strutting away to some fancy little white door towards the back. Kara glanced around again as she sat down in the soft, comfortable seat.
The seat was comfortable, but Kara didn’t want to remain seated. Especially not in this quiet, expensive looking place with the two scary businessmen on the other side of the ‘room’.
What was this place even? She frowned at the little door the hostess had disappeared through, wanting to cup her hands around her mouth and yell “Ay! Is this like the whole plane?! Where’s the rest?!”, but adopting manners of politeness from the hostess lady, Kara kept mum and crossed her arms instead.
Squirming in her seat, she looked up at the little buttons overhead. What was she doing? She didn’t even want to be on the plane at all. Yes, she’d wanted to get away from Lucas, which also wasn’t completely true… all she really wanted was to curl up against him and never let him go. And that was the problem… but what would she do in America? How would she even start, seeing as she had never been to New York before?
She’d initially wanted to find a ranch to live and paint on somewhere in Georgia, but now Kara wanted more. She wanted a studio for her art, she wanted to make her living, selling her art and at the same time, letting people see a little into the storms that wreaked her mind at times, demanding to be painted on paper. And when the air whispered perfectly and Kara held her brush just right, she could even reach into her soul for the strokes that would fill her canvas.
She wanted to showcase that. But in New York? Big, scary, apparently-will-eat-you-alive New York? Where would she start? She still had to find somewhere to live, had to buy new stuff and...
Kara sighed and sat up in her seat, jitters dancing about in her stomach. She would have to start all over again. The fears crawled in on her and on impulse she shot out of her chair, darted around for the door and ran smack-dab into a person.
She jerked back ready for defense even as a pair of strong hands curled around her shoulders.
“Whoa ho ho, little lady!” said a voice and Kara’s gaze snapped up from the charcoal grey suit to meet blue eyes in a chiseled face.
She stared up at the smiling stranger and shrugged her shoulders out of his hold.
He held his hands up. “Sorry, it was my fault. Are you hurt?”
The man seemed harmless enough, but Kara still didn’t trust him. But then again, she didn’t trust anyone… besides Lucas. Who took her trust and smashed on ground before stomping all over it.
Curious blue eyes studied her when she didn’t answer the question. The smiling man picked up his briefcase and put it on the fourth seat which had been empty until that moment.
Kara looked over his shoulder at the exit and then the hostess was emerging from the little door. When she saw the man standing before Kara, she straightened and Kara was baffled to see the woman hitch her skirt a little higher up her legs.
What in the world?
The lady strutted over with a megawatt smile just as the man began asking Kara if she was lost.
“Monsieur Knight. Welcome,” she said and the man turned to her with an acknowledging nod.
“Yes, thank you. Uh, this young lady here,” he said to the hostess, but eyeing Kara curiously. “Is she in the correct part of the plane?”
The hostess shot Kara a smile that to her, seemed different from the one the lady had given “Monsieur Knight”.
“Yes, sir. She has been placed in First Class Private, courtesy of Monsieur Raphaël Sauvage.
Kara saw the man’s brows rise very high as she looked between them wondering why they were speaking of her like she weren’t there.
“I see…” said the man, but he didn’t sound like he saw at all.
With a shake of her head, Kara began to nudge past them to the exit, but the hostess gripped her wrist.
“Non, mademoiselle. You must sit down right now, we are taking off.”
Kara gasped. “What? But… I…I need the bathroom!”
The hostess shook her head with a smile. “We have bathrooms on the plane, Mademoiselle. Please be seated. You too, Monsieur.”
The man nodded, glancing at Kara as he quickly took his seat, buckling himself in. Kara watched with wide eyes as the hostess asked the other gentlemen to turn off their devices and she lowered herself slowly into the middle seat. Her cold fingers couldn’t seem to buckle the belt and she tugged at the thing with annoyance.
Suddenly the blue eyed man was beside her, gently taking the belt from her fingers and easily buckling it with a click.
Kara pressed into her seat at his proximity as he glanced at her with his twinkling eyes and then retreated to his own seat.
She sighed when he was gone. What a strange man. Why did his eyes twinkle like that? It was strange.
Kara was more accustomed to eyes that churned darkly and dangerously like a storm brewing over the Pacific. Eyes like Luc’s.
The sadness started low in her gut and soon it was eating its way through the rest of her.
To make it worse, the plane suddenly started stirring beneath her, a low purr reaching her ears. Kara felt like she would barf her heart out and clenched desperately at the armrest as the plane began to take off. Oh, God! What was this? The feeling wasn’t pleasant at all and finally Kara understood why God hadn’t given human’s wings. They just weren’t meant to be in the air!
Slowly, the mild panic faded and her fingers relaxed. Kara closed her eyes and swallowed through a dry throat. She could hear the other men already back at their laptops and she didn’t understand how they could be so calm a million feet in the air! She’d have to endure this all the way to the US. Miles away from Lucas.
Kara’s heart clenched painfully in her chest and she held her hands against it, turning to stare at the dark sky outside the window.
Damn this, she didn’t want to go anymore. Would they let her out if she asked? Would they turn the plane around and take her back? She doubted.
Suddenly the seat beside her was shifting and Kara turned to find blue eyes smiling at her.
She tried not to scowl, she really did, but when the man’s smile dimmed a little, she knew she’d failed.
“I’m Christian,” he said.
Kara raised a brow. “I’m taken.”
The instant the words left her mouth, Kara wanted to laugh out loud. Where the hell had that come from? Surprise registered in the man’s eyes at her words and he smiled like he knew she’d shocked herself too.
The man opened his mouth to speak again, but Kara turned her face away, staring pointedly out of the window. Relief washed over her when the man remained silent besides her, but sadly his eyes remained glued to her face.
She ignored him, lost in her thoughts. Taken? By whom? Lucas? Hah! Yeah, right.
Kara wanted to sigh out loud, but stopped herself and only stared at the dark sky. The sky was so dark, it seemed endless. It reminded her of the scene in the Pirates movie where Captain Jack Sparrow’s ship was sailing through darkness and the sea was so dark that when the stars reflected off the water, it looked like they were sailing on the sky.
Kara loved that scene. She’d make sure to try and paint that scene one day. One day in her studio. All alone. Far from Celeste and Isabelle, François and Raphaël… and Lucas.
The tears filled her eyes to the brim and Kara prayed nobody would notice. Soon, the drops streamed silently down her face. For a minute, she’d expected Lucas to come after her when she’d run out. But he hadn’t. Kara wasn’t certain that she wouldn’t have given in to him if he’d stopped her from leaving and begged her to stay with him because he loved her. She would have stayed. Because she loved him.
The knife through her heart now, was that Lucas Cartier didn’t love her back.