A Lie

Fedelm was jerked aside as Arawn pulled her out of the way and back into the palace past Soren who followed just behind. Arawn heard Sirona talking to her. The twinge of jealousy flared hot and bright, but he couldn’t heed it now.
He had to deal with Fedelm. While he was impressed that she’d managed to get Sirona in such a state, it was irritating that she seemed hell-bent on getting herself eviscerated before he had found another way to get a grip on Berth. He needed her alive and managing Berth’s campaign.
He hauled her into his arms and carried her down the hallway.
“Your Majesty!” Soren called down the hallway, just behind him. Fedelm was struggling against him but Arawn ignored it. He sent her sailing into the nearest, empty parlor. She landed on the couch with a cry. Arawn stood in the doorway blocking Soren.
“The queen and I have business to attend to,” Arawn said. “You’ll be called when you’re needed.”
Soren held the door open, narrowing his eyes, “I do not take orders from you.”
“Stand down, captain,” Fedelm said from across the room. “Please… guard the door>”
Soren’s eyes narrowed but he nodded and released the door, “As you wish, Your Majesty.”
Arawn almost sneered at him as he closed and locked the door behind him. He cast a wall of magic to trap sound before turning to Fedelm. She didn’t look contrite at all. Her eyes were hard as she sat on the couch and stared at her embroidered fabric.
“What were you thinking?” Arawn asked, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
“Who is she?” Fedelm asked, her eyes bright and hot. She got to her feet. “Who is she?”
“I told you—”
“No,” Fedelm said. “You might be tutoring her, but there’s more to it than that. I’m not blind!”
He grit his teeth, irritated that she thought she had the right to question him, yet there was not a flicker in her faith in them. He didn’t even feel it shifting as he stared at her.
“You must be if you thought that was a good idea,” he said lightly. “I did not take you to be so—"
“Ever since you brought her back here, you’ve been different. Something is going on. What do you expect me to think?”
Her jaw wobbled and her eyes glossed over. He felt her faith flicker. Something deep inside her was breaking, but he had no way of knowing what it was exactly. He had never cared to look and hadn’t cared because it didn’t concern him. There was only so much he could deal with from a mortal woman.
His lips twitched as he imagined having this conversation with Sirona. It would never happen because she was so enthralled with him, but it was amusing to imagine her jealousy.
“Have I not been faithful? Have I not been good enough in all this time that you would bring another lover here?”
Arawn sighed deeply. It was irritating to have to deal with her, but it was a necessary evil. Had he known she would be like this, he would have never started down this path. He supposed this was why mortals didn’t mix business and pleasure. It was much too messy. He should have put more energy into cutting off his relationship with her sooner rather than later it seemed.
“Little gem,” he said, pitching his voice soft and affectionate. “It is clear that in an attempt to manage this quietly, I have upset you.”
Fedelm turned from him as he grew closer. Carefully, he pulled her into his arm and stroked her hair. He felt her starting to give in as he expected her to. She wasn’t the first mortal to be infatuated with him. They all melted into him, enthralled and awed by his power. Delighted by the pleasure he could give them.
She was the first sovereign to prove herself to be far more useful than he could have ever hoped. He had to remember that if he didn’t keep her as an ally and under his control, it would be more problematic. He had chosen her because she could stand without him. It wasn’t something he’d told her. He realized quickly that Fedelm’s deepest insecurity was about being chosen because of things that were beyond her control. It drove her to work harder on everything she could control.
He needed her focused on Berth’s campaign to conquer the continent, the training of mages for the army, and so many other things because Anu was coming. Taran’s words drifted through his mind and rang true. Taran never lied to him about things like this and he knew Anu well enough to know that she was on the edge of breaking the oath and waging war on Berth.
Sometimes, he regretted not taking more of her approach. By now, he would have had full dominion over the continent, but it wasn’t in him to sit on high and rule. It was exhausting to be tied down and responsible for the lives of so many people he didn’t care about.
Fedelm cared about her people deeply, in the way that only a queen could. He had to get her focused on the benefits of Sirona and force her to push aside her jealousies.
“She is my plot against Anu.”
Fedelm frowned, “What? That girl?”
“She is a powerful young deity,” her eyes widened. “She’s strong enough to kill Anu, but she doesn’t know that just yet. I need her agreeable to the task and you may have jeopardized that.”
Fedelm narrowed her eyes, “Why isn’t she agreeable? Anu is a terrible existence and a threat to you, Berth, and maybe all things good in the world.”
She wasn’t wrong on that count.
“She has a grudge against Anu, but she does not know that she does. I am… keeping an eye on the situation and maneuvering it carefully,” Arawn said looking at her. “However, she is the key to ending Anu’s threat.”
Fedelm considered it, crossing her arms, “If she is such a fearsome warrior, why was I able to wound her?”
She had never managed to wound Arawn, “You said that you and Anu are nearly evenly matched in power, and I have never wounded you.”
Arawn laughed, “She is young, and I assure you that if you were not distracted you would have wounded me several times over.”
She huffed, though she felt a bit proud at him saying it. It likely wasn’t true, but it was nice to hear. He pulled her into a swaying motion. It was the barest imitation of the Berth waltz, but she was charmed by it and fell into step.
“You cannot hold such animosity towards her,” Arawn said. “We need her.”
“Why did you bring her here?”
“For convenience,” Arawn said. “Would you have rather me stay away?”
Fedelm lay her head on his chest. She would have preferred him to never go, yet she felt in her spirit that his words were empty. There were holes that he couldn’t smooth over. He wasn’t quite lying, but he was withholding information. He was withholding himself from her the way he always did.
“You smile at her,” Fedelm said. “In a way that you have never smiled at me.”
Arawn said nothing, continuing to rock her.
“Is it because she is more like you?” Fedelm asked. “Is it a matter of magic?”
“Perhaps,” he conceded. “Perhaps I am more… sentimental and lonely than I first imagined.”
“You do not have to be lonely,” Fedelm said. “If you… would just let me…”
Arawn’s lips twitched, “I need only your faith, little gem. I would not ask more of you.”
But was that because he didn’t want more of her or because he knew that she could not give it? Was it silly to act this way knowing that his life was so short compared to his? He had forgotten more things than she would likely ever know.
Was she just one among the many in his mind? If she learned magic, that wouldn’t have to be so. A mage’s lifespan increased rapidly with the more power they amassed.
She could stand beside him, maybe not as equals, but beside him all the same. Her heart clenched. She could best Sirona in a duel. She had already, but she would never best Sirona in his mind.
A deity could walk with him into the next century while her body would have already turned to ash.
She stopped and turned away from him, “I understand your plan. I will… do my best to support them as always. Perhaps, I will find a chance to apologize for my behavior.”
Arawn chuckled, “So polite. Perhaps.”
Fedelm turned to the door and unlocked the door. Soren was waiting on the other side. She straightened her spine.
“Captain Duran, my apologies for causing such a disruption and holding you on duty past your working hours. You will be compensated accordingly.”
“It is not a bother, Your Majesty… Are you alright?”
Fedelm nodded, “I am fine. Have a goodnight, captain.”
He looked between them and nodded stiffly before turning to leave, recognizing the dismissal when he heard it.