Chapter 109

As Amber sat at the kitchen table, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the rim of her coffee mug, the weight of the last few weeks pressed heavily on her chest. The morning sun filtered softly through the kitchen window, casting warm light over the countertops, but to Amber, everything felt distant, as though she were watching the world from behind a fogged glass. Her thoughts were consumed by the days that lay ahead, and the looming uncertainty that hung over her like a dark cloud. Though there were moments of laughter, brief moments when her family’s love would pull her from the depths of her worries, they were fleeting, eclipsed by the persistent, suffocating tension of waiting for the next chemotherapy session.

Her fingers trembled slightly as they lingered on the edge of the mug, the warmth doing little to soothe the chill in her bones. Her body felt different these days, alien and unfamiliar, as if it was no longer hers. The weight loss, the nausea, the bone-deep exhaustion—each day brought a new challenge, a new reminder that this was no longer the life she had once known. But the hardest part wasn’t the physical battle; it was the emotional toll, the fear that threatened to overtake her when she allowed herself to feel too much.

Luca, her rock, was trying so hard to keep it together. His presence was a comfort to her in ways he would never understand, yet there were moments, subtle and unspoken, when she could see the cracks starting to form. His once easy smile was strained, and the warmth that had always radiated from him seemed to flicker, dimmed by the weight of their shared burden. She could sense the exhaustion in the way he moved, the way his shoulders slumped a little lower each day, the way his hands sometimes shook as he prepared meals or tucked Nico into bed. Amber knew he was doing his best to hold it all together, to shield her from the full force of his worries, but it was becoming more and more apparent that he was struggling.

There was a sadness in Luca’s eyes that Amber couldn’t ignore. It wasn’t just the concern for her health; it was the deeper fear that gripped him, the fear of what might happen to their family, to their future. Amber could see it in the quiet moments when they were alone, when he thought she was too tired or too distracted to notice. He’d watch her, not with pity, but with an intensity that broke her heart. His gaze would linger on her a little too long, as if he were memorizing her face, capturing every detail before it faded away. There were times when she could feel his eyes on her, even when they weren’t speaking, when he was lost in thought, and it was in those moments that the depth of his fear became almost tangible. It was a quiet kind of panic, one that was hard to put into words, but she felt it in the way his hands would hover just above her skin, never quite touching her but always ready to catch her if she fell.

Amber wanted to shield him from that fear, to assure him that everything would be okay, but the truth was, she wasn’t sure if it would be. She didn’t want to add to his burden, didn’t want to admit that she, too, was terrified. So, she said nothing, instead focusing on the little moments of normalcy she could still hold on to. The gentle rhythm of daily life—getting Nico ready for school, making their breakfast, laughing at the small things—was a lifeline for them both, something that kept them grounded even as everything else felt uncertain. But even as she tried to hold on to these pieces of normal, she knew Luca could feel the fear, too.

There were nights when Amber would wake up, heart racing, body drenched in sweat, and find Luca already awake, sitting in the dark, his face etched with concern. They didn’t speak about it; there was no need. The fear hung in the air between them, thick and suffocating, but neither of them had the words for it. Luca would reach out, his hand warm against her back, his fingers grazing her skin as if trying to reassure himself that she was still there, still alive. She could feel his breath against her neck, the quiet tremble in his fingertips, and she knew that he was as scared as she was—perhaps more so, because he had to watch her go through it all.

Amber hated that he had to carry this with her. He didn’t deserve it. She could see how much it hurt him to see her struggling, and it broke her. But she also knew that no matter how hard she tried to protect him, there was no escaping it. The fear, the pain, the uncertainty—it was something they would both have to live with.

In the mornings, as she dragged herself out of bed, she would find Luca already awake, already at work, already doing everything he could to keep the house running. He never complained, never let her see how hard it was. He was so strong, so capable, and Amber admired him for it. But she also knew that strength had its limits. She could see the weariness in his eyes, the way his shoulders tensed whenever she started to fade, whenever the exhaustion overtook her and she couldn’t keep up.

One evening, after another round of chemotherapy, Amber found herself sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall. Her body ached in places she didn’t know existed, and her stomach churned with nausea that seemed never-ending. Luca had been busy with work all day, trying to catch up on everything he had missed while tending to her, and Amber had tried to stay out of his way. She didn’t want to be a burden, didn’t want to make him feel like he was carrying the weight of everything on his own.

But that night, Luca walked into the kitchen and stopped when he saw her sitting there, pale and exhausted. His face softened, his lips parting as if he were about to say something, but nothing came out. Instead, he crossed the room, his steps slow and deliberate, and knelt beside her, his hand resting gently on her knee.

“You need to rest,” he said softly, his voice laced with concern. “Please, Amber.”

She looked up at him, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, and for a moment, she couldn’t speak. She wanted to tell him everything—the fear, the pain, the overwhelming exhaustion. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t add to his burden. So instead, she just nodded, forcing a weak smile onto her lips.

“I’m fine,” she whispered, but even as she said the words, she knew they weren’t true. “I just need a minute.”

Luca didn’t argue, didn’t try to convince her otherwise. He simply sat beside her, his presence a quiet reassurance. They didn’t need words; they didn’t need to speak the things they both feared the most. They were together, and that was enough—for now.

As the days went on, Amber found herself growing weaker, the chemo treatments taking more and more of her energy. There were moments when she couldn’t even get out of bed, when the nausea and dizziness became so overwhelming that she felt as if she were drowning in her own body. But through it all, Luca was there. Every single day, without fail, he was there.

He would sit with her through the long, quiet hours, never asking for anything, never complaining. He would bring her food, even though she couldn’t keep most of it down. He would hold her hand as they sat in silence, just being there, just being with her. And Amber could see it—the strain in his eyes, the quiet sorrow that weighed down on him, but he never once let her see how much it was costing him.

One evening, as she lay in bed, her body trembling with weakness, she reached out for Luca, needing him, needing to feel his warmth. He was at her side in an instant, his hand gently brushing her hair from her face. He leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers, and Amber could feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles were wound tight with worry.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and weak. “I’m not leaving you, Luca. I promise.”

Luca’s breath caught in his throat, and for the first time in days, he let his guard down. His eyes welled with tears, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, as if he feared she might slip away. Amber could feel the weight of his emotions, the love and the fear and the helplessness all swirling together, and it broke her. She had always been the strong one, the one who held everything together, but now, she realized, it was Luca who needed her. It was Luca who was holding on to her, keeping her together when everything else seemed to be falling apart.

They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, not saying anything but feeling everything. The love between them was a quiet, steady force, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, they weren’t alone. And though the road ahead was uncertain, Amber knew one thing: they would face it together.