Chapter 24

Alina

Erick wasn’t done yet.
“Tell me why you care, Alina?” He sounded dead serious, prepared to peel away every layer of my defence. “You’ve kept in so much for so long. Let it out. Tell me why you care. Tell me why you’re ready to forgive me so easily after everything I did to you? Tell me, damn it!”
It was like a floodgate being opened.
“I don’t want to feel anything towards you, not even hate. Because what you did to me? No amount of punishment can ever give me back what I lost, and I’m not talking about my virginity.” His face paled at every word I spoke. “You took away from me my choice, my free will, and at one point, even my will to live—”
“Don’t—” he interjected, but I didn’t stop. I wasn’t done yet. He wanted the truth, so I’ll give it to him
“I kept on living because my father needed me. I was all he had left. Do you have any idea how many times I tried to end my life? How many times I came close to dying? I thought the pain would never end... but then, things started to fall back into place. We were both healing, me and Papa. Then suddenly, I found out that my papa has only a short time left. I dealt with that, too. Then, you had to come back into my life and rip my every wound to shreds. All my defences came crumbling down on me all over again!” I didn’t scream. My voice was barely above a whisper, but I knew he heard me loud and clear. He stood in front of me, still unmoving and taking it all in. He didn’t say a word, absorbing the verbal blows without flinching because we were different now. That time was already left behind us.
“I didn’t ask for any of this, but still, I accepted everything that came my way thinking that this was fate. I agreed to marry you because it was my mother’s last wish... but it’s not about her anymore. It’s about us, and I took too long to realize that. Today, all those people... they died because of me! Y-you I almost l-lost you! How could I have let that happen?” I cried out, clutching my hair and falling to the floor.
Sobs racked my body, and I continued rocking back and forth when I felt him remove my hands from my hair with minimal effort. “The roots will start bleeding,” he said quietly and ran his hands over my scalp a few times to soothe the pain. “You’re wrong. I was the one responsible for bringing this upon you. I should’ve had better control. I should’ve been there to stop Emiel. Everything is on me, so hit me if that eases your pain. I’m sure you can muster up enough courage to do it.” The taunt in his voice was intended.
“No!” I said at once. I would rather bash my knuckles against a wall than hurt him.
The sight of him as he lay in a puddle of his own blood outside my apartment door was burned permanently into my brain, and it wouldn’t go away anytime soon. It kept on reminding me of just how close I had come to losing him. Standing right there, I realized that my feelings for Erick were no longer anything simple or explainable. How does one fall for their rapists? But one thing I was sure about was that if only Erick had been in control of himself that night, he would never have done it.
He was trying so hard to gain back my trust ever since he came back into my life. Even though I resisted his efforts, I had been aware of them all the same. However, no matter what I did, the guilt wouldn’t leave me. Knowing that Erick got hurt because he cared too much for my safety was eating at me constantly.
“I-I’m sor—”
“Don’t fucking apologize!” I looked up at him, startled to hear the confined rage in his voice. “Make a damn choice! It’s either you hate me for the rest of your life, or you care. Don’t go fucking bipolar on me!” His words were quiet and were spoken through gritted teeth. He didn’t yell, but still, his words made me feel like something was crushing my heart. I knew he did it intentionally, though, to take away the guilt.
He moved away from me and got up, turning the shower off. By now, we were both completely drenched and clear of any residual blood. “I’m leaving. You can change once I’m gone.” He began to walk away from me, but I caught his hand, stopping him mid-stride.
“Don’t.” My voice came out as a hoarse whisper. God, he was right. I sounded like a pathetic bipolar who couldn’t decide whether to hate him or to love him.
Love?
Where did that thought come from? I was so startled that I dropped my hand from his as if I was scorched. Looking up, I saw Erick narrow his electric blue eyes at my sudden movement, so I rose up from my position on the floor and stood to face him. Our eyes met, and we held each other gaze. The connection was just as scorching as his touch.
My hand lifted up on its own to touch the side of his face, his cheeks, down the strong column of his throat, and to his now unscathed chest. His skin was smooth and without a single mark. The light stubble gave him a more rugged look. So much had changed about him in the past four years, changes I was only noticing just now. This wasn’t the Erick I knew from my childhood. He was no longer the person transitioning between boy and man who came to me one terrible night reeking of alcohol. This man was different. He had shadows in his eyes, the kind a person gets when they know too much and see too much. Now, I knew the truth as well. I understood what my father had tried to tell me, and fathomed what Emiel said to me.
Even Erick couldn’t escape it, so why doesn’t it work on you?
Nonsense! My compulsion works every time! Even vampires can’t escape me, you see! Even Erick couldn’t escape it when I told him to hurt you that night! It almost worked! Almost!
I didn’t know I was absent-mindedly tracing my fingers across his lips and feeling the soft texture of them on my fingertips, not until he opened his mouth and caught my index and middle finger with his teeth. His tongue flicked over the tips, making me feel the sensation in places I have never felt before.
He suddenly became very still, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. When he opened them again, the blue was on fire. My breath caught at the beauty of them even while knowing that his vampire sense was on full alert. However, he didn’t give me much time to admire his splendour. I found myself backed up against the wall with one of his hands behind my head. The other slid around my waist to pull me closer to him. That was when his lips came down on mine with the fury of an untamed beast.
He kissed me with all his strength, made me surrender to the heat, demanded more. He was the kind of man who knew what he wanted and how to get it. This kiss wasn’t like the others we had shared, not even the one we shared minutes before. Hell no! Those were tame and mild compared to the way he was kissing me now. He was prying my lips apart so he could insert his tongue into my mouth and explore it mercilessly.
I fought his tongue for dominance and lost. And just as suddenly as it had started, he pulled back, yet he didn’t let go of me. Instead, he touched his forehead to mine. Both of us were breathing in rapid bursts, our heart beat a tattoo against our ribs.
“I just called you bipolar.” He laughed humourlessly. “Why can I never control myself around you?”
“I didn’t want to feel anything towards you,” I started talking through all the overwhelming emotions playing through my mind even while feeling a fresh wave of tears prick my eyes, “but I...” I felt this pull between us. It was a lot stronger than I wanted to, and I was done fighting it.
“I know.” He finally pulled away from our embrace, only to lift my right hand in his and trace the thin, almost invisible white lines on my wrist. The marks from the blade had disappeared over time, but very thin, white lines still remained. It was a long time ago though, right after Papa got diagnosed. I hadn’t exactly been mentally stable and cutting had given me a way out, the pain making me forget everything else. But I stopped when Papa came back home. He needed me to be strong. I needed me to be strong for him.
My eyes widened at the sudden realisation. “Vampire blood heals.”
“A drop or two will bring you back from the edge and fasten the healing only a tiny bit so you wouldn’t notice the abnormalities.” He didn’t take his eyes off my wrist.
“When?”
“As often as I came to visit Alan.”
“But why?”
“Because I care.”
“Erick!” I threw my arms around his neck and held on with all my might. Why would he hurt me that one night when he had done nothing but protect me the rest of my life? Time and again, he kept telling me that whatever reasons he had for hurting me would only be excuses. He never told me what really happened. It wasn’t because I wouldn’t listen to him, but because he blamed himself constantly for things that weren’t his fault. He was just as helpless and just as much a victim as I had been.
I sighed as relief filled my veins, turning my limbs to jelly. We would make it through, I had faith in us. We would make it together.
“We need to dry up, or you’ll catch a cold,” he said after a while, putting his arm under my knees and around my shoulders. Nodding slightly, I placed my head on his chest. My arms went around his shoulders as he lifted me from the floor and securely into his arms to carry me to the counter.
He pulled on a bathrobe from a hook behind the closed door. Then he took off his drenched underwear and tossed it to the basket as well, all the while keeping eye contact with me and totally disregarding my blush. Once done, he came over and stood in the space between my legs. He searched my eyes for permission as my face turned beetroot red. I didn’t object as he took hold of the shirt and tore it down the middle.
I wanted to cover my chest with my hands, having discarded my bra this morning when I changed into Erick’s clothing, but I didn’t move. I didn’t even protest when I felt Erick tug my underwear slowly down my legs, leaving me completely naked and vulnerable. It was all because Erick’s eyes never left mine, not even when he moved back slightly to dump my clothes into the basket and retrieve a couple of towels.
However, I did react when he placed his hands on my waist and trailed up to stop just under my breasts. I gasped, feeling my nipples get harder and wet heat pool between my legs, as Erick trailed kisses down the column of my throat and the curve of my shoulder. I involuntarily closed my eyes and curled my hands into fists on the counter, but I didn’t feel repulsed. Instead, I wanted him to continue on. His touch felt addictive.
To my dismay, Erick didn’t continue. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and placed one final kiss before covering my body with a towel. “Thank you,” he said before pulling away from me and wrapping a second towel around my head.
“For what?” I asked, placing my hand on his chest to reassure myself once again that he was really here.
“For trusting me.” He smiled a bit when my face heated up. “Is your body alright?”
Why was he asking me such an embarrassing question all of a sudden? And why did I feel like answering it? “I’m fine, just a bit....” I clamped my mouth shut. I couldn’t believe I was about to say aroused!
Erick’s laughter was open and real this time, and it made me blush harder. “Oh, get out already!” I snapped.
“Fine. Sorry.” He was still laughing as he exited the bathroom. It was only then that I realized that Erick, in his own way, made me forget about the massacre I had seen last night.
Trying not to think about it anymore, I found a dress neatly folded on one side of the counter along with new panties. Trying not to blush further at the thought that he might have asked someone to buy them, I dried and dressed quickly.
There was a new mattress on the bed when I came out, and Erick had changed into sweat pants and a loose white t-shirt. He even cooked dinner for me. We ate dinner quietly in comfortable silence. For the first time in a long while, my mind was free of nightmares. Although the sights I’ve seen were permanently etched into my brain, it was easier to bear now that the dynamic of my and Erick’s relationship had changed.
“Sleep,” he said after we had our dinner and were lying side by side on his bed. “I’m right here. You’ve been through hell and back since last night, and I don’t want you looking like a zombie on your wedding day.” He pulled the covers over us securely, wrapping me in the confines of his arms.
I nodded, falling asleep almost instantly, all energy drained right out of me. Even in the midst of my sleep-drugged mind, I didn’t miss Erick’s words. The day after tomorrow... was my wedding day.