Chapter 16 Carnal

Mavli
MY FACE FEELS TENDER. Like cooked meat especially my right cheek. My right eye is swollen and sore. My mouth is bleeding and I'm sobbing.
I sit at the corner I sat yesterday night and early this morning. I rest my forehead on my knees and wrap my hands around my legs. I cry loudly not minding that there are nine other people in the hut.
I cry till my throat stings and gets really sore and till my voice breaks.
A calloused palm rests on my shoulder, I shrug it off but it doesn't stay away but reclaims my shoulder. "Please eat."
I sniff. I'm not hungry, I don't have an appetite for the poorly made cornmeal porridge that some other workers made.
"You'll need your strength,"the voice is very gentle and kind. Its female and it reminds me of my mother.
"Just leave me alone," I say. I shrug off the hand again and this time, it stays off.
"Can I look at it?" The warm voice asks.
I ignore her. My eyes are now dry and void of any moisture. My sobs have turned into hiccups, I hear the woman leave my side and I'm relieved. I don't want any company or attention. I just want to be by myself and on my own.
Raising my head, I wipe away tears and snot unto my shirt. And blink my eyes several times to regain my vision. It takes me a while to realize that something is wrong; the hut is pin-drop silent and all eyes are on me.
I refuse to be intimated or shy. "Wh-What's going on?" My voice sounds like a squeal.
They exchange looks and stare at me again, their eyes leave mine for a few seconds when someone enters the room. The woman is in her mid-twenties, she has shaven head and a plastered deadpan expression.
She holds a wooden cup to my lips. "Drink."
I glance at her before I rest my lips on the rim and take a few gulps, I sigh as I lean back and close my eyes.
"How do you feel?" She asks.
"All right." I lie easily.
"Crying makes it better, doesn't it?" Her tone is a sharp contrast to her deadpan expression.
"Absolutely."
Her hard palm finds my hand and gives it a squeeze. "We're proud of you."
"We?" I peek out from under my lashes.
She nods and exchanges glances with everyone else in the room. Before I can understand what's going on, a horde of nine bodies surround me and are hugging me.
I hold my breath, and don't say a word. Some of them pat me on the back, a few ruffles my already tangled hair, I even feel a kiss on my cheek. The display of affection makes my eyes brim with tears.
The woman wipes away my tears with her fingers. "What you did was a true act of bravery, Mavli."
"Thank you," I say. My hiccups have vanished and strangely enough, the pain from my cheek has reduced.
"I'm sorry we couldn't do anything about it," a man with short dreadlocks says.
"We can't all be heroes," another man chips in.
"I'm not a hero,"I say slowly, "but circumstances mold us. I chose not to shackle myself because to me, it symbolizes locking myself up," I pause,"and I can never lock myself up."
The room falls silent, my words are sinking into there hearts.
"Don't you all want to reunite with your families? I know I do. I miss my sister so dearly. I don't ever want to be separated from her again—"
"Shut up!" All heads turn to the doorway. The people murmur and shakes their heads. Coal eyes are boring into my head. But I don't look away, I won't let him see my fear. I won't let him have power of me again.
"You there," he points a finger at me. All eyes turn to me but this time, fear and pity clouds their eyes. "Come." He curls up his index finger, inviting me forward.
I don't want to leave the hut. I don't want to leave these nameless people. I know I'm safer with them, I'm safer in the company of the deadpanned but kind woman.
But I stand to my feet and make my way towards him. His lips curl into a sated smirk. He turns his back and begins to walk away, I give the hut and the nameless inhabitants one last glance before following him.
He walks a few paces in front of me and I don't want to close the gap. Suddenly, he turns with something unreadable in his features and waits for me to reach him. When I'm beside him, he grabs me by the wrists and leads me deeper into the darkness. I can make out the silhouette of the cabin that is just beside the spring and in front of the streamlet.
I don't sob or scream, I bite my lips to keep me from doing such things. He slides the lock open and uses his broad shoulders to push open the door.
"Get in," his voice is deep and guttural like an animal's.
I can't help whimpering as I walk into the cabin. The cabin smells of wood, its smell is strong and musky.
He smiles proudly and brings to unbuckle his whip from his belt and takes off the heavy jacket he was wearing.
"Lie down."
My eyes fall on the mattress at the corner of the room. I stand straight and shake my head. "I'm not lying down on your bed."
He throws his head back and laughs. His laughter is deep and mocking. "I won't want your dirty body on my bed. Lie on the floor."
My already swollen cheek begins to burn from embarrassment. I won't let this man get to me. I won't obey him. If he wants me to lie down so bad, then he'll just have to force me.
And I think that's exactly what he has in mind. "Do you want me to force you?" He takes a long step closer so I'm staring directly at his chest. I raise my head up so that I meet his dark gaze.
"I've already caused enough damage to your pretty face. Why don't you do yourself a favour by doing as I say?" He crosses his strong arms across his wide chest. "Lie down!"
I stand my ground. Literally planting my feet firm on the floor and look him in the eye. "No." The tears fall before I can stop them,"I don't want to lie down. I want to go back to the hut with my fellow Kintilese people. I want to sleep and forget about the pain I'm going through even if it's just for a while. Please just leave me alone."
I see a vein ticking furiously in his temple. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. And then it pops. The slap makes me cry out and I fall at his feet. I writhe in pain, screaming and crying. Let me go!
He begins to kick at me with his boots. The buckles cut into my skin, the sensation is like bee stings. I don't hear my screams again and his grunts and curses sound distant like they are miles away from me.
I feel my body being grabbed and I'm forced to my feet. I stand on my feet and he pushes me till I'm leaning on a wall.
"Take it off." I hear his voice reverberate through the room and in my head. "Take your shirt off."
I won't take my shirt off, I won't submit to him. I shudder and lean on the wall not paying any attention to him. He can do whatever he wants with my body. My body is just a casing, a vehicle that holds my soul.
I feel his hard grip on me and the sound of ripping fabric. My nipples tighten as they are exposed to the icy air. I sniff but keep my eyes shut. I don't want to see him. I don't want to see his face as he delights himself with immoral carnal pleasures.
I feel his rough calloused palms grab my breasts, squeezing them violently and he chuckles with laughter. He whispers something in my ear, his breath falls on my neck. I shut him out, so that I hear nothing at all.
He grabs me by my wrists, drags me and throws my body on the hard floor. The force sends my head vibrating. The back of my head begins to throb but I welcome it.
My trousers are dragged down my legs and I'm totally naked to him.
He parts my legs so wide that I'm beginning to feel the ache of stretching in my bones and joints and then, I feel his fingertips probing.
I shudder and bite my tongue so hard it draws blood. The tears keep rolling down and some enter my mouth, I taste the salty tears and wonder how I haven't ran out of tears already. I wonder how I'm still conscious.
The pain of his penetration, the pain of his thrusts is nothing compared to the pain I feel inside. It's negligible compared to the pain of my dignity being stripped away from me, of my soul being ripped out of my body. Of me losing myself.