Chapter 81

**Merianna**

The chaos that ensued after the battle was enough to make my head spin. After we had gone into the forest to meet up with the second group, Nelia was obviously beside herself again. As she treated me on site, I overheard Noch and Councilor Jernok talk about Junnie’s involvement in the battle. They didn’t believe that Councilor Ferina could also be involved, but they had no sure way of knowing. Jernok assured Noch that he would inform Ferina about the events, and then launch an investigation into Ferina’s division. Who knew if there might be other traitors hiding in the Council?

While in the Order on the other hand, I refused to stay in the infirmary so Nelia ordered me to bedrest while she treated me in my room. She was still learning how to mend broken bones, so the Ga’s had insisted that I be her practical test subject, which meant that I would be mended at a slower rate than usual. No matter how much I complained that my legs were perfectly fine so there was no use in forcing me on bedrest, the more she threatened to hit me with her new wand. That got me cooperating really quickly.

Being stuck in my room with nothing to do gave my thoughts a lot of room to tumble around in. And the first place those thoughts went to fester in was obviously the latest battle. It irked me to no small degree that the only real point I was able to take out of that whole experience was that I was still very lacking. I was literally the only person that came out of that whole ordeal with wounds everywhere. Not even Jasnine was as badly banged up as I was, despite being possessed. Hezerial was beside himself with guilt, even though I told him not to be.

Once I had my thoughts in order and realized that I needed a second opinion, I asked Hezerial if he could bring Noch around to my room for a visit, since I was still under the threat of Nelia’s wand.

“You called Demon Spawn?” Only Noch would announce himself like that.

“I need your opinion on something, and I also need answers.” I wasn’t going to beat about the bush with this. This was something that involved Dermon’s interest, so there was no way not to be serious about it.

Noch squinted at me as if scoping out whether I was pulling his leg or not. “Very well Demon Spawn.” He wandered into my room and pulled a chair over to my bedside, and flopped onto it. “What can I assist you with?”

I wanted to tell him to treat my furniture with care as I heard it creaking under his weight, but thought better of it. I looked over at the empty spot next to him. “Hezerial, I’d like you to also be a part of this discussion, please.” 

Almost immediately I saw his form materialize right next to Noch, standing at attention. “I’m here, My Lady.”

With a nod, I sighed. “First of all, what on earth was that magick circle that Dermon activated back then? What was its purpose?” I had been thinking it over for the past two days, but no matter how much I thought about it, or tried to remember everything I’ve been taught about sigils and runes, none of that seemed to fit what Dermon was doing.

Noch leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. “I do have an idea of what it was for, but runes had never been my specialty, even in the time before the cataclysm, so I’m not too sure. My first thought though, was that it was meant to summon a higher being.”

“Summon them?” I asked curiously.

“Yes, whether it was to summon a higher demon, a sentient demon gate, an angelic, a deity or whatnot, I'm not too sure. Since Thyrion and Ela completely destroyed a section of the circle, I can’t even go back to study it anymore. It would’ve helped a lot if I could have found out the finer details of the circle. Usually, if someone wants to summon anything specific, the name or origin has to be inscribed into the circle as well.”

Noch’s explanation was easy to follow, and I trusted his gut instincts when it came to things like this. It usually always turned out to be right in the end. My eyes then wandered over to Hezerial. He was standing at attention with his eyes closed, almost as if he was trying to hide himself in plain sight, which was ridiculous.

He had a strong reaction to what he saw in that circle, one that was too strong to ignore. And I had the sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with me at a fundamental level. Even though it made no sense to me, I couldn’t ignore the fact that it did actually have an effect on me. Nelia and I have believed that we don’t have any past lives since we first entered the Order, but I couldn’t ignore those images I saw anymore.

“Hezerial, I want you to be truthful right now and actually give me an answer to my question. Even if it might conflict with your promise that you told me of before. I can’t say ‘It’s alright not to know’ anymore.” He twitched at my words and squinted at me with a worried frown.

“My current requests should be more important than ones made in the past, shouldn’t they?” I asked with a gentle smile.

He sagged slightly and lifted his head to look at me properly. “Understood, My Lady.”

I noticed Noch looking between the two of us in confusion, but I didn’t turn to him. “Hezerial, you know what that circle was meant to summon, don’t you?”

Hezerial’s mouth tugged into an unhappy line, but he answered me nonetheless. “I do.”

“What was that circle meant to summon?”

He looked down at the floor again and heaved a sigh. “It was meant to summon the soul or soul fragments of the deity Denaue.”

“But that’s impossible!” Noch said with notable bafflement. “I know it was a theory we were throwing around in regards to the Warlock’s activities, but Denaue has been gone since the last cataclysm. No trace of her could be found after that, not even by the deities themselves.”

The answer sent a pang through my system as well. I had no idea it was actually meant to summon the lost deity herself. Because of my reaction, I figured it might’ve had something to do with the lost elements instead or even souls brought through from the previous cycle before the cataclysm. That would’ve been a lot more believable to me.

“T-then, the reason that I had a reaction to the circle was because?” I couldn’t help the stutter that sat in my throat. The implications were just too absurd to believe.

Hezerial looked reluctant to answer me. His arms were crossed over his chest tightly as if he didn’t want to face me, as if he would love to be anywhere but in front of me right then.

“Does she have a fragment of Denaue in her?” Noch asked without hesitation. 

Hezerial shifted his posture uncomfortably. “It’s more than just a fragment.” He said with a sigh.

“I’m not too sure about what happens to the souls or essences of Deities when they manage to get destroyed or get stuck in a mortal life in this realm. But theories suggest that they probably go through some crazy changes over time.” Noch leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling.

“So, it’s possible that they can essentially become somewhat mortal if they get stuck in this realm without a way to re-ascend?” I asked curiously. This was something I hadn’t heard about yet, or even read about in any books in the Library.

“That’s the theory anyway. It’s not like any mortal has ever really been able to really test that theory out. Many other things could also happen to that higher soul or soul fragments. The energy that gets used through the realm always changes its properties and shape to fit its new surroundings. I guess you could think of Denaue’s soul as the energy we gather before we do a spell, or that we gather into incantations. That energy, once used, gets returned back to nature to be used somewhere else again as it sees fit. If she was unable to survive her destruction, then the fragments of her soul had to go somewhere.” Noch explained. It all made a little more sense now, but it was all still just theory. We didn’t know if it was something that could be fact.

“So what exactly happened? Zerial, what exactly of Denaue is inside me?” I looked back up at Hezerial. He seemed to be listening intently to what we were discussing. I had the feeling that he was debating over how much to share of what he knew. He had wandered to the nearest wall and was now leaning against it with his arms tightly crossed.

“Zerial, please be honest with me and don’t give any half answers. I would like to know everything that you are able to tell us about this.” I asked again. I couldn’t get over how uncomfortable he was with sharing what he knew. Was the supposed command I gave him in the past really that important to keep?

He glanced at both me and Noch, then seemed to slump even more into the wall. “When we first met, My Lady. You already embodied the Deity Denaue. You remembered everything that happened to you, and you had become more mortal as time passed. But, for a higher soul like a Deity, there is no such thing as becoming completely mortal. As Noch said, energy changes if there is a need or a purpose, but the shattered pieces of Denaue’s soul never dissipated. They remained as the pieces of a higher being, not fully mingling with the natural order of this realm. Over the centuries and countless generations of humans that incidentally ended up carrying pieces of Denaue’s soul, nature found a way for all those fragments to coalesce back together to where they belong. Which is now in your body. There is no discrepancy between you and Danue. You are her and she is you.” He muttered the last bit softly, almost as if it the conversation was sucking him into the past.

“Wait, wait, why don’t I remember anything then?!” I asked in a panic. This was far too fantastical to actually be real.

“Remember that I said you that in your last incarnation I accompanied you in, you asked me never to reveal your past to you in your later lives, My Lady?” Zerial looked at me with a worrying frown.

Noch cocked his head to the side as he was mentally putting pieces together. “So, in the lifetime that she had before, she asked that you not say anything about her past lives to her? I assume then that she would have either erased her past memories herself, or sealed them away from ever emerging again?”

“That is indeed correct.” Hezerial confirmed with a worried frown.

I heaved a heavy sigh. “There must have been a good reason for me not wanting to remember my past then.”

Noch gave me a glance. “Do you still not want to remember? Come to think of it, you didn’t mind overly much when we checked if you had past lives when you and Nelia first started learning about magick here.”

“Hmmm…” I groaned. “That’s true. Even now it still feels surreal to me, even though I clearly caught glimpses of those memories. Back then and now it doesn’t matter to me if I have past memories or not, all that matters is what is in front of me. And who can I trust better than myself? My past self thought that it was the best thing to do. So I should probably leave the past where it is. There are some things we do need to know though, and we’ll just rely on Zerial to answer those questions when needed.” My head was so full of thoughts, but my answer felt right, at least. If my past self didn’t want to remember things for some reason, then I’m going to just keep living the life the me from back then has left for me.

“You’ll do that for us, right Zerial?” He looked a little more relaxed after my answer. I wonder just how much he knew about the lives I had lived.

“Of course, My Lady. I will support and protect you for as long as you’ll have me.” He replied with a smile.

“Come to think of it, does that mean that Nelia also has a part of Denaue in her since we are twins?” I asked curiously. I didn’t like the thought of Nelia being in danger because of this. If that was the case, then she’d need to be a part of this conversation as well.

“No, My Lady. Nelia is luckily free of any fragments. It has all only passed down to the body you have now. And from now onwards, all the fragments will stay together and heal slowly. I do find it remarkable that Nelia has so much power, although she is so young. That was probably the only thing that was influenced by the both of you sharing a womb.”

I could imagine that a deity’s soul would need a lot of time to heal all the cracks it had suffered. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I could only live with the knowledge of it for now. It also made me glad to know that Nelia was strong and free from the potential harm that Dermon could pose to her.

“What do we do now?” I asked, while turning my attention over to Noch again.

He lifted one of his shoulders in answer. “Currently, all we can do is keep searching for Dermon and make sure that you’re kept safe since he’s clearly after you now. There’s no doubt that he is highly interested in you because of the reaction you had.”

“Oh great, does this mean that I can’t go out on any bounties?” I hated thinking that I wouldn’t be able to go out anymore just when I started being able to accept work like everyone else.

“I don’t think that should be a problem.” My face lit up immediately. “At least as long as you always go along with a senior member.” He added with a sly smile. My excitement vanished just as quickly with that last statement.

“I’m never going to be left alone again, am I?”

“Nope, not at all. From now on, you are to have bodyguards of both the witch and guardian variety.” He replied with a smirk as he started getting up on his feet.

“Oh right, there was something else I wanted your opinion on.” I piped up before Noch could escape.

“What is it, Demon Spawn?” He seemed a little peeved that I stopped him from leaving.

“I saw something interesting during the moment that big lightning strike came down. I had never seen anything like that before.” I said, recalling that moment I saw the small sparkling lights in the pillar of lightning.

Noch plopped himself back down on the chair and pinned me with an exasperated stare. “What is it that you saw, Demon Spawn?”

I didn’t appreciate that he clearly thought that this was something minor. I sighed and carried on. “Right when that big bolt of lightning struck, I saw these small balls of sparkling lights whizzing around from side to side within the light. The sounds they made were high pitched and I couldn’t make out what it was in the beginning. Eventually though, the sounds all said the same thing. They said ‘We missed you’. Does this mean anything?”

Noch had an impressed look on his face. “Well... for one, those were lightning sprites, or spirits, if you will. Second, they’ve been kind of off the grid since the previous Cycle came to an end and the new elements took hold. It’s extremely rare to see sprites of the previous elements in this day in age. It’s likely they were either hiding away, or are now just extremely rare to find.”

I had no idea something like that was even possible, but on the other hand, what he said made perfect sense too. There was no way that lightning itself could be sentient. “Is it possible that they could have survived the Cataclysm?”

Noch seemed to think for a minute. “It’s possible, since they aren’t really mortal beings and can essentially live for forever if they don’t fizzle and die out because of a lack of their elemental essences being present. Them not existing anymore would be the same as having no water sprites because there is no water left to be found anywhere in this realm, not even clouds.”

“Wow, so it’s possible that they know ‘me’ from before?” I asked curiously.

“It’s highly possible. After all, you yourself must have had a life before the Cataclysm and Denaue’s end. I think that it’s best to assume that your past lives and Denaue’s essences essentially merged over time. And sprites always pick people out by their souls, not their appearances.” Noch explained. “Now Demon Spawn, is there anything else nagging at you? If not, I have things that require my attention.”

I gave him a deadpan look. “Nope, nothing else yet. If anything else bothers me, I’ll let you know.”

“Good then, I’m off!” I shook my head at his quick exit. Whatever it was that needed his attention, it must’ve been important… maybe… probably not.