ELEVEN

**ARTEMIS**
Some nights I lay in bed awake, wondering where I had come from.
I had a life before all this, before Ismara, before the white coats. I had a family, somewhere... maybe they lay awake too, wondering where I was.

I liked to think they were.

But the reality was many of the girls owned by the white coats had been either born into that life, or sold into it.

Our parents didn't want us, or at least, that's what they'd told us.

Either way I had shut out all hope of ever finding them long ago.

I pulled the roots from the earth with more vigour than I should've, it snapped halfway, leaving the previous roots still buried beneath the earth. I wiped my brow, cursing aloud. "For fucks sake."

My heart leaped into my throat at a rustle of the bushes. "Those are no words for a lady." Ozymandias chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, trying instead to dig the root from the earth with my bare hands. "Good thing I never claimed to be a lady."

"Here." He said, pulling the root from the earth with one quick motion. "Try this."

I eyed him wearily before snatching the root and shoving it into my basket. "Thank you."

"So.." He began awkwardly. "I have been told to give you this." He dug deep into his pocket, before handing me a small envelope with a blood red wax seal in the shape of a wolf.

"What is it?" I questioned, tearing open the seal to read what lay within. The old man remained silent, letting me read, only commenting, "I apologise that we didn't know your last name."

Dear miss,
Your presence is requested at the annual Altum ball that will be held within the Ismara pack house at the next full moon.

Dress code is formal.

Kind regards.
Alpha Axton.

"Who's Axton?" I asked, dragging a slender finger over the cursive words.

"Theos Axton."

It was clear that he hadn't written the letter himself, only signed it but still I couldn't help but feel the need to hold the letter close to my chest.

"How far away is the next full moon?"

He replied nonchalantly, "Three days."

"That's a bit late notice?" I frowned, "How am I even supposed to find a dress in that time, let alone a full outfit?"

Ozymandias gave me a questioning look, "Most people already know about the Altum ball, it's a nation wide thing, the letters are only a formality."

"Oh.."

"Have you not heard of the ball before?" He raised a silvery eyebrow.

Sometimes I forgot that nobody knew of my life before this, somehow I got the impression that nobody dared to ask. "Umm, yes I have I just forgot."

He knew I was lying but he didn't question it.

He helped me to gather the remaining herbs and berries Astoria needed for that week, and a few hours later we were walking back to the cabin.

It was all of a sudden his question came. "Where were you before all this? Before Ismara?"

There was a pregnant pause between us, I had never really stopped to think about the past, if I did I would get caught up in it all over again.

Strong hands pushed my head under the water, my eyes burned and my lungs screamed, bloodied fingered desperately clawing at the edge of the barrel.

"I was..." The dark place had never really been given a name, and it wasn't until now that I had noticed. "I'm not really sure.."

"What do you mean? You must have come from somewhere." He held my arm as we hopped over raised pebbles that stood like teeth through the small stream.

"Well I don't remember how I got there, to the camp." My heart clentched. "I don't ever remember having a family, only the White coats."

He raised a silvery white eyebrow at me. "The white coats?"

"The people that raised me... The people that owned me."

He froze to an abrupt halt, and I almost walked into the back of him. "Hey!" I frowned.

"What did you just say." He said coldly.

"I said they owned me?"

Was that not normal around here? I assumed even Ozymandias would have slaves? Maybe it wasn't common practice this far north.

His deadly serious eyes seared holes in mine, he almost looked as if he was trying to see if I was lying or not. I folded my arms over my chest. "What!"

"What happened to you?" He whispered.

Words hovered at the edges of my lips, one hundred story's ready to spill if it weren't for the voice screaming at the top of its lungs in my head.

It screamed selfish desires.

To keep.
To hold.

In a way, she was right. My story's were the last thing that were mine and mine alone.

"I-"
In a second it ripped straight through my heart.

I fell down.

Down.

Down.

Hitting the floor with a crash of mind and bone. I was dying. My heart cried bitter tears, as Ozymandias shouted frantically above me, holding a sparkle of ice cold fear in his silver eyes.

I felt it rip through my life with no preliminaries, just pure destruction, tearing through my chest.

He took my in his arms, he was much stronger than I had anticipated for a man in his lake fifties, still he had never struck me as frail. Ozymandias has a solid frame, with thick arms ordained with an abundance of ink.

He took me to the cabin.

I couldn't speak, only scream as my heart was torn in two.

He placed me gentle on the table, as though I could shatter like glass at any wrong touch. I worried that if I shattered nobody would stay to pick up the pieces of me.

I don't think I could put myself back together again.

Deep lines marred Astoria's pretty face, genuine concern seeped out of every pore. Another song of pain shocked my body, both Astoria and Ozymandias tried to still my thrashing body.

"Artemis! Calm down!" Astoria hissed as another scream exercised itself from my lips.

Ozymandias' eyes flickered between Astoria and I withworry. "What's wrong with her?"

"If it's what I think it is.. We're fucked." She grunted, holding my wrists in one hand and grabbing a small blue vile in the other, she ripped the cork out with her teeth, pouring the salty liquid down my throat.

It burned, but the droplets were nothing compared to the ocean of suffering that crashed against every part of me.

A flicker of understanding hit the male. "Oh..Shit.." He knew, but still I lay in the dark. The complete unknown. "What should I do?"

"First off call that asshole and get him to stop, He's killing her." The pain dulled slightly, though only for a second before it was back and screaming louder than ever. "Secondly." Astoria continued, shooting me a worried look. "Bring him to me so I can personally beat the shit out of him for being so damned selfish."

Ozymandias nodded sternly. He knew what he had to do. "If I'm not back in fifteen minutes... Lock it down."

The witch nodded in agreement, her lips pressed into a thin line as they held each other's gaze for a moment longer. "Good luck." She mouthed.

With that he was gone.

His absence only made my pain grow stronger, Ozymandias had a calming effect and without him I was left shivering. A creeping cold infecting my every muscle.

My voice came hoarse and rough, but that didn't stop the edge of fear that slipped along with it."What's wrong with me?"

She looked pained. "Do you want to know the bitter truth?" She folded the corner of a leaf into a vile. "Or would you like a sweet lie?"

"Truth."

No matter how hard, I would always like the truth. I had spent my life living a lie, I didn't need more to add to my collection.

She sighed, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "I know that you don't understand the bond between you and Theos. No one does."

"There is no bond." I interjected. "I feel nothing for him."

Another lie to add to the pile.

"You can't lie to an oracle Artemis." She rolled her eyes. "There may have been some sort of a bond before we restored your sight which would've destroyed it. However, the goddess is merciful, she left something there... however small."

I didn't like to think I had an attachment to anyone, let alone him. Especially as another wave hit my body and I was back under. Drowning in the pain.

"Besides.." she mumbled, more to herself than me. "It's not just a coincidence that you look just like her. It's fate."

Astoria continued talking as I writhed in pain beneath her cold hands. "The female are coming into heat Artemis. They become more desirable... unmated males can't resist a female in heat, it's in their nature."

"The pain you're feeling...it's..." she hesitated, numb eyes wondering over my flushed face, she pressed a cold flannel to my sweat drenched forehead. "It's the pain of infidelity."

That was the last and final blow.
Straight through the heart, like a bullet, smacking the belly out of the air as it ripped through my life.

I cried out, but somehow this time it wasn't from pain, it was grief.
Such a strange feeling it was to loose something that was never yours to begin with.
The goddess was cruel making me feel this was for a beast like him. I would rather not feel at all.

What bugged me most was how would we go on from this? What was left when the dust of his destruction settled?

Silence.

That was what remained.

The pain had long gone by the time Astoria's worried eyes closed. She fell asleep in the old arm chair, watching me. I almost missed the pain, it gave me a reason to scream, to shout. Now I had nothing.

It was the very same nothing mess that filled my head, the grey static echoing throughout the cavern of my married heart.

The sun had given into the moon. I cursed the vile blue orb, wishing for its destruction at the hands of something far greater, far more powerful than itself. I wanted it to feel as helpless and powerless as it had made me feel.

Helpless to stop the pain that came at the expense of another's mistakes.

Hours passed, I remained curled on the table, staring at the moon through the half lipped curtains.

Staring.
Wondering.
Hating.
Fearing.
Worrying.

It was all too much in such a short time.

"The pain of infidelity."

It was a horrid feeling as the weight settled on my shoulders. I knew what she meant, I knew every damned word.

I wished I didn't, I prayed for ignorance.