Chapter IX

I felt lonely. This rollercoaster was giving me hard time – harder with each time. I couldn’t understand why it had to be this way. One moment everything was so perfect – as that one evening when I sat with Salvatore, exchanging stories of how we reacted to our parents bringing new baby home – and next he was out of the penthouse for days. It was giving me a headache to even think where he might have been, my mind pushing all the images of him and Astrid to the top.
“You want some tea?” Alessandro ask with the politest smile I had ever seen. I must’ve looked really pathetic if he was being so nice. On the other hand it wasn’t all that wrong – I sat on couch since morning, wrapped in blanket, reading book absentmindedly.
“Why not.” I sighed closing book and putting it down the coffee table. Alessandro made no attempt to move, just standing there and staring at me like a crazy person he was.
“Fine, I will do it myself.” I sighed getting up from my spot. Maybe after all I needed this. I couldn’t just be spending my day like this. If Salvatore could just don’t care about me – so could I. He was the one to disappear. I did nothing wrong, he did.
“May I ask you something?” I turned to Alessandro few minutes later. He sat down on the couch, looking through one of the magazines that were laid on coffee table. He just nodded. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know.” He sighed. Of course he knew, of that I was certain. And it was surprising how this time he was playing this off much better then he did few days ago. I rolled my eyes and continued with making tea.
When dinner time rolled around and we sat at the table I felt ready to explode. Waiting was killing me, especially since I didn’t know what exactly I was waiting for. There were no calls or texts from Salvatore and I had no idea where he has been. He just disappeared, leaving me on my own. Pain was even bigger once I thought more about it. I wanted to try, to create something with him and it seemed he wanted the same. Then again why would he be going behind my back and then be angry with me afterwards? He was so confusing. Sweet and sour at once.
My phone gave out small ring, announcing text message that made me get up right away. With hope that maybe it was Salvatore with some kind of explanations, or perhaps apology, I almost run to the counter. But it wasn’t him. Number was unknown but photo made me heart skip a beat. There was no mistaking in who sent that.
It was Astrid, sitting in front of the vanity and she was the one to take the mirror selfie in skimp, satin robe, with her face and hair as usual perfect but it wasn’t her that got my attention. It was man that reflection was visible in the mirror. Man was sitting on the edge of the bed, his shirt undid and pants gone as he was looking down at papers in his hands. And there was no doubt it was Salvatore.
Come and find me. xo
Before I had a chance to even move another text came in.
But don’t be dummy and leave Alessandro home. That’s if you even dare to come.
“Who is bothering us?” Alessandro asked with his usual manner of one big joke but I couldn’t care less that moment. Salvatore was with her and there wasn’t much left for imagination anymore. And she was daring me to catch them.
“Just Bianca.” I said finally, surprised that my voice was so normal. I was almost shaking inside because of his betrayal and at the same time I felt urge to find that woman and rip every little hair off her head. But did I have it in me to actually lie to Alessandro and go find them?
My thoughts started running wild as I tried to figure out what to do – or exactly where to start looking for them. Perhaps Astrid’s home but wasn’t it too obvious? Wouldn’t her parents notice that Salvatore were there for so long? Then another text came.
My parents’ house, silly. I would hurry up if I were you.
“She wants me to come over.” I said without thinking. There was no way this bitch was going to play me like this. Thought it was surprising and so not like me, I just couldn’t let go of that feeling. And that moment I didn’t even care if she was fooling with me and that they were some place else or they it was just some old photo. I wanted to find her and for once and for all deal with her. All my life I was running away or playing victim. First my father, then Dylan. There was no way I was letting her be another executioner in my life. Same went for Salvatore. Either he comes out clean or I would fulfil one of my many plans of escaping this life.
“But it’s late.” Alessandro muttered with displease but I didn’t even pay attention, busy typing text to Bianca. I needed diversion. Astrid was right – if I told Alessandro I wanted to go to her house he would call Salvatore right away. Of course there was risk that he could find me missing before I got a chance to get to them and Salvatore would leave anyway but that chances I was willing to take.
Bianca was more then excited when I proposed a little visit. She herself was bored as Ataleo was also busy. I told her that I was a bit lonely with Salvatore having so much work and I just needed to get out of city for at least few hours. Forty minutes that took us to get to Bianca’s place was agonizing. I was on the edge of my seat, probably too boosted but luckily Alessandro took it just as a excitement over seeing my friend.
We passed by Lombardys house and I started to wonder which would be Astrid’s parents’ – and what was going on in there this moment. But that I could figure out real soon. I wasn’t paying much attention to what Alessandro did, all I had in my mind was how to get out of the house unnoticed by either Alessandro or guards that were around house, especially one on the front gate.
Putting everything I had in me to give Bianca big smile and hug was challenging but I managed to do so. I felt so bad for using her. Maybe next time I would come to meet her when circumstances were more pleasant and I could actually enjoy spending time with her as I usually did. If there was going to be next time.
Alessandro made himself cosy in the kitchen with Bianca’s bodyguard that he apparently knew and whom name I didn’t catch. We sat in the big living room, drinking – a bit spiced up –lemonade that her maid prepared earlier. One thing I knew about Bianca was that she wasn’t great housewife. She simply didn’t got talent but she was certainly making up with her person overall.
“You have no idea how happy I am that you came over. This house drives me nuts when I’m alone and Astrid is too busy to even come over.” She sight picking up my interest right away.
“Busy?” I frowned slightly, trying to not be too obvious.
“Her parents left to Sicilia and she is taking care of their house. She always gets it so serious with all the cleaning just to put the smile on her mother’s face when they’re back. She is such a cutie pie sometimes. She loves her parents so much and she keeps telling me how thankful she is for everything they did for her. Astrid says it’s the least she can do. But at the same time I have a feeling that it’s just a bullshit and she hides some boy from me.” If you only knew, Bianca.
“But! I should call her, she can take a little break from fucki…I mean cleaning and come over for a drink and chat. She will be happy to know you’re here.”
I tensed. I didn’t want to be obvious and start declining but at the same time I didn’t want my plan to go down.
“Maybe later?” I proposed with a nervous smile. “Let Astrid have some…fun.” I wanted to let out a giggle but words barely managed to come through my throat. I was too aware of who she had her fun with.
“You’re right.” Bianca nodded, taking sip of her lemonade.
“Anyway, I was wondering which house is Astrid’s? I remember Salvatore saying something about the one next to your parents’ but I don’t know which.”
“When you’re going from our house it’s the one before our parent’s. “
I nodded and just moment later we started chatting about the matters I barely cared about anymore. Minutes were passing way too fast and I still couldn’t figure how to get out unnoticed. But then plan hit me like a thunder.
I let out a hiss, holding onto my stomach, face in painful expression.
“You’re alright?” Bianca gasped with almost fear and I hated myself for doing this to her.
“It’s just my stomach. Probably dinner. We ordered sushi.” I said quickly and she gave me understanding look.
“I will go make you some tea, sweetie.” She said with comforting smile, touching my shoulder. I was such a bad person.
“Thank you. I will go to the bathroom.” I said and moment later I was off to hallway.
I closed the doors behind and made sure I locked it. I didn’t want to think that through anymore, I didn’t even dare to look into the mirror. I felt awful – not only because Salvatore was going behind my back but also because how I was lying to Bianca and Alessandro. They were all I had and yet I was using them.
Dress wasn’t the smartest thing to wear as I learned while getting through small window. It was a bit high above the ground but I managed to jump into the snowdrift without much more harm then wet stocking and shoes. Wasting no time I run towards the exit and stopped only to talk with the guard that would be the one to let me out. I must’ve look the most convincing with no coat on, breathing heavily from a run and I was pretty sure that by now my face was all red from the freezing wind.
“Um, hi.” I forced the most sincere smile. “Could you let me out? I need to go to Lombardy’s for a moment. I’m Christine, by the way. Christine Lombardy.” It was the first time I used my – new – full name an it felt so weird on my tongue. Even a bit venomous looking at the fact that my husband was just now with another woman.
Guard that looked about sixty eyed me but without a word he opened the gate ajar so I could fit in. I thanked him and slipped through to the street. It was perhaps the most stupid thing I had ever done. Everything could have happened this moment but I didn’t care. I just run down the sidewalk, surprised that I haven’t slipped or at least tripped. Before I even knew it I stood before the house that Bianca pointed out.
It wasn’t as impressive as even my father’s house and there was no guards. I just walked through metal wicket gate and made my way up stone trail that lead towards the house. All windows were black – all besides one small, round window on the very top. Not thinking much I twisted the doorknob that surprisingly didn’t resist. My heart was beating fast and breath was heavy as I made my way towards the stairs. I didn’t care about how cold I was when I slowly went upstairs. First it was first floor, then the second until I reached the stairs leading to only one doors that were slightly opened, streak of light coming from the crack. And so did soft moans that only got lounder as I was closer.
I asked myself why exactly I was there as I made my way up there. I wanted to turn around and run back to Bianca’s house. I didn’t want to know that Salvatore was really there, making love to her while my heart was just starting to beat towards him.
But I couldn’t turn away. It was just happening, as if I didn’t have any power over my body. And just like that, my hand was on the doors and I pushed them open. It didn’t even creak, revealing attic for me. It was rusty and there wasn’t much beside few wardrobe, vanity and bed. And it was bed that got my full attention.
Salvatore just laid there, head on the opposite side of the headboard, his hand laid over his eyes as he was letting out muffled moans while Astrid was on him, skim robe coming undone as she was moving up and down his length, hands rested on his chest, way more vocal then he was. I was froze in the doorway, breath no longer able to get in or out of my lungs since I was keeping it.
I felt nothing but coldness that was spreading from my inside – something that didn’t come from temperature outside – and then hot tears that run down my cheek. I couldn’t move and it got only worse once she lifted her eyes and looked at me with most blowhard smile. I wanted to run, I wanted to yell, I wanted to kill them both, I wanted to cry out. But I was unable to – instead I just watched as she was moving up and down, up and down…
Salvatore’s phone went of and it almost brought me back to my senses. Almost.
“What the fuck.” He groaned sitting up, his clothed back to me. Astrid let out unhappy whimper as he did so but she never moved away nor looked away from me, instead wrapping her grabby hands around him. Salvatore reached for a phone that was on the nightstand and answered it with harsh ‘what?’.
With every passing second I saw how tensed he was becoming. Especially when he just pushed Astrid away what made her squeal as she hit the mattress. I knew it was time to run. To just take rests of the self-respect I had and run away far from him. But my legs felt like lead.
He got up from bed, pulling up his black briefs, reaching for his pants that were on the floor, phone stuck between his arm and ear as he was listening to what his caller was saying. And then he spotted me. His mouth went ajar and he just froze. But suddenly I got all my senses back as his blue eyes were fixed on mine.
“She’s with me.” He muttered to the phone before hanging up. “Christine…” Salvatore started, walking my way as if I was a lamb that would get startled if he wasn’t careful enough. But I didn’t give him chance to get too close. Instead I turned around and run for the doors even faster then I did coming here.
I had no idea where I was even going, I just run ahead, away from Salvatore, away from Astrid’s triumphant smile, away from Bianca that I lied to. My legs hurt, I was cold and I barely could see anything with tears that were coming in waves. I felt so foolish. Why I even went there? Did I really had to hurt myself by seeing it with my own eyes? And why I felt so hurt? We were married for only seven weeks. I barely knew him, shared nothing but few kisses with him. Why did it touch me so much to know that he was with someone else?
My legs finally gave up and I fall to my knees, hitting harsh concrete painfully as the most pathetic sob escaped my lips. The pain that sprung from my shattered skin and bones was all I wanted to feel. I didn’t want to feel the pain that was eating me up from instead. I didn’t want to feel the pain that was in my head. Once again I was fooled. And I let it happen. I let Salvatore fool me for a moment that he actually wanted me, had feelings towards me – other then just some stupid need of power that I was proof of, that he could take whatever he wanted, no matter how pointless it was. He was just like my father and just like Dylan. I was fooled by his beautiful eyes and words, examining his behaviours and feelings while he had the best fun with Astrid.
It disgusted me. Not only the fact that he was his own cousins – his father’s brother’s daughter. The act itself. Because if he cheat on me with anybody else it could feel just the same. Perhaps.
“Christine.” His worried voice came from behind me and just for brief moment I thought that I imagined it but there was no way I imagined his warm hand on my shoulder.
I turned my head to face him, not that I saw much more then blur through all the tears. I wiped my eyes, now actually seeing the worry written all over his face and I could also see Alessandro’s car parked just meters away from us. With a bit of struggle and muffled whimper because of pain in my knees I stood up and with my head held high I marched passed him, feeling warm spread in my knees and pain that was making it hard to walk. Coldness was striking me harder now and my face stung because of the freezing wind that had blown over my tears.
I got inside the car, looking straight ahead of me, pretending I didn’t notice Salvatore standing there on the sidewalk with his head bowed almost miserably. As if he cared so much.
“Take me home.” I whispered, my voice raspy and he drove away.
First time since I knew him, Alessandro did say even a word.