Chapter X

Sleep that night wasn’t something that came to me. I sat in chair at the dining table with lonely glass of wine that I didn’t even drink. Alessandro was in his room and I haven’t even changed nor took care of my wounded knees. I just wrapped myself in blanket and was sitting there with black expression. Tears were long gone and I was glad for that. I didn’t have much more power for them.
I didn’t even flinch when elevator’s door opened. I knew it was him but I refused to turn around. Instead I took a glass and gulped down wine. By now there was nothing but numbness filling me. But it didn’t mean I would be pathetic for much longer – no, there was also anger in me that felt ready to erupt.
“Bianca was worried about you.” Were his first words as he leaned against the back of the couch, looking at me carefully. He had nothing but black pants and shirt in same colour on, hair falling to his face.
“I know, I will call her tomorrow and apologise.”
“I was…I was worried. When Alessandro called and told me you were gone…”
“As if!” I snapped looking at him frowned. “You haven’t talked to me in days because you were too busy fu…with Astrid! I know you don’t care about me so why would you say that? And why are keep doing this? One moment you want to be with me, are all sweet and take me out on date and next you are off with her. What is wrong with you?”
“I messed this up, Christine, but you just don’t understand.” He shook his head making me gasp in disbelief. I stood up from my place, blanket long forgotten, as I took few steps towards him.
“How can I possibly understand when I don’t even know you? Because you won’t let me. I thought we were going to try something, I wanted to do so but you just…you just went away when I tried to get some honesty from you. Tell me, please, because I don’t understand anymore. Why do you want me here? Why didn’t you let me go live under some freaking bridge if you’re like this?”
I was surprised by all the yelling I did. It wasn’t something I had planned but I got a bit carried away. Salvatore stood there in silence for few long moments, his eyes fixed on the floor. But finally he lifted them and the sadness that was there was nothing I had ever seen. And pain. There was so much pain.
“I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “You just…you have no idea, Christine. I went to tell her to leave you alone. That she can’t say this all…and it happened. And kept happening. Astrid is…she is the only thing that is familiar. We’ve been…doing this for almost ten years now. You must think I’m disgusting and I don’t blame you. But it won’t be happening any longer. When I saw you there…I knew I can’t touch her again. The look on your face, it hurt me, Christine. So much. And I know I can’t even ask for your forgiveness. The most fucked up thing is that…it’s not even how it used to be. When I was with her, I couldn’t even look at her and there was someone other in my head. You.” He let out.
I was listening to him, words echoing in my head. He told me he was sorry. And it must’ve mean much. Salvatore wasn’t a man who would just apologise. He was Capo, doing whatever he wanted. And he didn’t just apologise for the way he was, for taking what he wanted. There was also that with not being able to put me out of his mind. It sounded crazy but at the same time…flattering – if circumstances weren’t so fucked up. But after all it wasn’t what struck me the most.
“Ten years?” I whispered taking a step forward. Salvatore looked away right away, in shame perhaps. “But…you would be fourteen and she sixteen…”
“We were.” He said quietly. “I…stayed home all the time. Had no friends other then Alessandro but he was attending private school unlike me, Bianca had her own life and Astrid was just there, on the other side of the fence. She was also home school because her father was paranoid and didn’t want her out. They would be often out, especially him. I would go over almost every day. Her mother always had her headaches so we were locking ourselves in Astrid’s room. Attic is her old room. And then it just started happening. She was the one to propose this and I just said yes. I was…so starved of normal life, of what I was missing out and she gave it to me. She was my friend and then lover…it stopped when she got engaged. We both would get killed if we started sneaking behind his back. When he died…I tried not to but I couldn’t. And then I met you and I tried again, especially after we got married but I couldn’t, Christine. But I promise you, it won’t happen ever again.”
I wanted to believe him. I really did. And it was rather stupid of me to actually do so but…I believed him. I didn’t know reason why he was staying home, didn’t go to school like Alessandro but by the pain that was hidden behind his words it seemed to be something harming and dark. And I knew that Astrid used him. He was just a lost boy with many insecurities and she just caught him in her web.
“I hate her, Salvatore. And I don’t want to see her again. I mean it. And…if you ever go near her, I promise you, I will run away. I will. And I won’t care if I have money or place to stay, I will just run.” Maybe it was radical but I knew it would happen.
“Never. I promise you.” He said, looking at me and I was almost certain that there was hope in his eyes.
It was me that took few last steps between us and hugged him tight, letting him do the same. He was surprised at first but finally hugged me too, his arms wrapped around me tightly.
I might’ve made a mistake, be fooled again but it was my last lifeline. If I didn’t try one last time I would never know if it was worth if or not. And now, knowing the truth – no mater how hard it was – not only I had more to hate Astrid for but wanted to know more about Salvatore. What happened to him if in the result his only companion could’ve been her? I knew that some people from Family tended to be very strict but Lombardys didn’t strike me like one of them. They were such a nice people and I just couldn’t see them locking Salvatore up in the house just because. But it was story for another time. I knew that much and no matter how much I wanted to know more, I couldn’t just force him into telling me.
“Can we go to bed finally?” I asked quietly after a long moment of silence. Salvatore moved away slightly just so he could cup my cheeks into his warm palms and look at me with concern and caress my skin with his thumb.
“First let me take care of your knees. And you should at least take hot shower, your skin is so cold. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”
“I will be fine. But I would appreciate getting my scratches all dressed up. And as much as I could enjoy hot bath I’m sure I would fall asleep and cold is better then drowning.” I smirked gently, getting a small, soft smile from him.
“You’re right. Let’s go.”
Without a warning he lifted my body, making me instantly wrap arms around his neck.
“You don’t need to do it.”
“Oh, I think I do.” He smirked going upstairs. Once we were in the bathroom he sat me on the stool and help me get off my white tights. There was some hissing in pain as Salvatore was cleaning scraped skin. He left me for a longer moment to let me take a shower and once I was done, wearing my usual attire he came back to put on pieces of bandage on my knees.
Eventually we both laid in bed, once Salvatore took a shower too, soapy smell mixed with his cologne that somehow managed to kill any scent or image from earlier that night. He kept his distance, not sure if he could move closer but it was me that broke it. I knew it wold take time before I adjusted to him once again, maybe not yet forgiven, but I was willing to try and forget.
“I don’t know why are you so good for me.” He said quietly, caressing my hair, blue eyes fixed on my face.
“We all make mistakes. And it’s not like we already promised something to each other. Besides…I owe you a lot, Salvatore. I still can’t understand why you chose me to be your wife but…I know what you did to Dylan. You saved me. If it wasn’t for you he would kill me. And then you talked my father into letting me come back home. So least I can do is to have a bit of understanding. But only this one time.” I sighed, looking up to meet his eyes. He gave me soft, yet sad smile and I took his hand to squeeze it.
“I know you didn’t want me to know about Dylan and please, don’t blame my mum for telling me. Besides…I saw you there. For a moment I thought it was some kind of crazy hallucination but once she told me I was certain. You saved my life.”
“It was me that put you in risk at first.” He let out, looking away, at the ceiling. I lifted my body on my elbow, watching him carefully. As usual he was wearing his grey checker pants and long-sleeve henley shirt with its buttons undid, showing off a bit of his chest.
“When your father put in the conversation that you asked him to let you go I was furious. Mostly with myself that I was forcing you to marry me. So I told him to let you go. And it was stupid. I thought that this life would harm you, that I would but then that psycho shot you. It’s all my fault. So that day, seeing you unconscious, I knew that I can’t risk again, that I need to keep you safe even though it meant you hating me. So I tried to make this…us work but I fucked up. Because this is what I do when it comes to relationships.” He looked at me again and I almost melted under intensity of his blue eyes. “But not anymore, Christine.”
“You are making hard for me to dislike you.” I rolled my eyes with a small smile, making him smirk. Maybe it was better to just forget. To act as if what I saw tonight never existed. In the end I’ve decided that perhaps it was for better. Even though it was still fresh, we both needed this. To start all over again, fair this time, giving ourselves an actual chance.
“That wasn’t my intention. I just wanted you to know the truth. And truth is that…when I first met you I was amazed. It sounds so cheesy but it was true. You were so young and beautiful, you still are and always will be. But there was this something that draw me to you. I can’t pinpoint it but you are so…magnetic. As if you were my own kind of narcotic that I tried to get over with but after all I’m helpless.”
I was surprised by my own action as I moved closer to kiss him gently. His lips were soft and he tasted of peppermint. Salvatore didn’t hesitate in kissing me back, his hand wrapping around my middle to pull me closer. It wasn’t so sensual or heated, just a lovely, warm kiss that had so much meaning in it, held unspoken words.
“Let’s get so sleep, it was a long day.” He muttered quietly and I just nodded in agreement, putting my head on his chest, his hand wrapped around me tight.
“Sweet dreams, my angel.” Salvatore whispered and it didn’t take long before I was asleep.