Chapter 54

As she walked out to the car, she already missed him and their friendship. She had really screwed up this time. By letting her emotions get away from her, she had lost him completely.
When she pulled up in the driveway at her house, Mallory's car was there. But Jocelyn went straight up to her room, not in the mood to hear her sister gloat. In her room, she took off her shoes and laid down on the bed, wishing that the world could just fade away and leave her in peace.
At moments like this, she missed her mother more than ever. That, and around the holidays. Her mother had always made the holidays special. This Christmas, the only thing that Jocelyn had to look forward to was going to the Children's Home. But now, she would take one night to cry and get it out of her system. Then she would force herself to make the most of the holidays. After all, Christmas was just a few days away.
Knock, knock, knock.
Jocelyn sighed, but didn't say anything.
"Jocelyn, may I come in?" Mallory's voice came from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, why not?" Jocelyn mumbled, turning away from the door as she lay on the bed. "Come on in."
"Can we talk?" Mallory asked. The bed shifted, and Jocelyn felt it dip behind her as Mallory sat on the edge of her bed.
"About what?" Jocelyn asked, not in the mood to hear Mallory gloat.
"You want to come with me to the Christmas parade tonight?" Mallory asked, her voice hopeful. "You don't have to come to the pageant."
Jocelyn sighed. "No, I'm not in the mood. But good luck, Mallory. I wish you all the happiness in the world."
Mallory patted her leg and then the bed shifted again. Her footsteps tapped against the hard, wooden floor as she headed toward the door. But then she stopped. "Jocelyn, I'm sorry for everything."
"Don't worry about it," Jocelyn replied without turning over.
Then she heard Mallory's footsteps coming back, getting closer and then the bed shifted behind her again. "You really should go tonight, you know."
Jocelyn sighed, not in the mood to deal with Mallory at the moment. "Why?"
Mallory placed her hand on her leg. "Because I'm not going to California with Caden."
Jocelyn turned over. "What?"
Mallory nodded as a smile spread across her lips.
"Why?" Jocelyn sat up and slid up against the headboard. "What happened?"
Mallory shrugged. "He was never really in love with me, Jocelyn. Not really. And I was never really in love with him, either. But I'll always think of him as a friend."
Jocelyn's heart went out to her sister. "Mallory, I'm so sorry to hear this. Are you okay?"
Mallory smiled. "Oh, I'm fine. You know, he's probably going to the Christmas parade tonight." Then she patted her leg and rose from the bed, reminding Jocelyn of their mother for a second. "Now. Get up out of bed, dry your eyes, and go get him."
"What are you talking about?" Jocelyn's eyebrows rose almost into her hairline.
Mallory shrugged. "I saw the way you two looked at each other and it's okay." Mallory sat down on the edge of her bed and looked into her eyes. "Jocelyn, I want you and Caden to be happy. And he'd better not hurt you." Then she pulled her in for a hug.
"He probably hates me," Jocelyn replied, remembering the cold way he had looked at her the last time she saw him.
Mallory pulled back. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." Then she smiled. "But do me a favor."
"What's that?" Jocelyn couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was one of the rare moments that Mallory was actually being a sister to her.
"Don't hurt him, either." A serious look came into Mallory's eyes.
"I won't," Jocelyn replied. "Mallory, may I ask you something without you getting mad?"
She nodded. "Yes, of course."
"What changed your mind- about Caden?" At the risk of shooting herself in the foot, she had to know.
Mallory sighed and then took her hands. "When I saw Caden kiss you the other night- the way he looked at you- I realized that I wanted the same thing someday. But I know it won't be with Caden." Mallory gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "If you love him, then don't let him go, Joss."
Jocelyn pulled her in for a hug as her eyes filled with tears. "I love you, Mallory."
"I love you, too." Then Mallory pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Now, get up, get ready, and come with me."
Jocelyn smiled. "You go ahead, and I'll meet you there."
Mallory nodded and rose from the bed. "Promise me?"
"Yes, I promise." Jocelyn swung her legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. "But you'd better go. You don't want to be late."
"Okay. I'll see you there?" Mallory smiled, her eyes hopeful.
Jocelyn returned her smile, nodding. "I'll be there. Now, go! Before you're late."
Mallory blew her a kiss over her shoulder like she used to do when they were kids. "Love you!"
"Love you more," Jocelyn responded. At that moment, she realized that she had never lost her sister- not really. Mallory had her quirks, but she loved her. It was nice to know.
After Mallory left, Jocelyn hurried to change her clothes. Since it was going to be cold out, she slipped on her white sweater, jeans, and boots. Then she grabbed her white knitted hat to match and her white coat, then headed down the stairs and out the door, locking it behind her.
Jocelyn had no idea why she was rushing to get to the parade. Just because he and Mallory realized that they didn't love each other was no guarantee that he loved her. But as she drove toward the town square in her little Volkswagen Bug, she found that she couldn't help but hope. But she had to tell him how she felt, no matter how he felt about her.
As she drove closer to the town square, the streets were so packed with people and cars that she had to stop. She grabbed the first parking spot she saw, locked it up, and then headed toward town. Although she had no idea what she was going to say to him, she looked at the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd and hoped beyond all hope that she could find him.