23. Okay? Okay

Unsteady on my feet, I stood up and using the last of my strength moved towards the shower. Funny how I was so energetic and happy just a few moments ago.

The sound of feet slapping on the floor got my attention and I checked to see Aarav returning with a glass of water in his hands. He stopped when he saw me, but soon reached to me and handed me a glass of water.

“Drink”, he asked softly, and I complied. Only when the first sip of water touched my throat did I realize how thirsty I really was. As I drank my glass of water, I stared in his hazel orbs, which somehow looked darker, but unmistakably gentle.

I returned the glass to him and turned towards the shower. Switching it on, I stood below the cold current of water, eager to scrub away the dirty feeling I felt.

He switched it off, denying me the relief. He turned on the hot water lever instead and gently walked out, shutting the door behind him.

I stood under the hot water, letting the harsh spray melt all my feelings away. The label that was now attached to my body was cruel and harsh and it hurt to see myself in this light.

I cried silently, not a single noise erupting from my body. I felt numb but couldn’t stop the crying.

Why did I have to cry so much?

Why couldn’t I be strong?

What did it matter what that pathetic vile man thought of me?

I didn’t have the answers nor did I have the strength to search for them. I let the water do its job, hoping it would appease me in a way. It didn’t but at least I had tried.

When I first read the note, I was angry sad. Wanting to punch the shit out of that man but when the realization of how true his words were settled in my head, I felt defeated. I couldn’t fight him on something that was technically true.

In the broader sense of the word, I was a whore. They had sold me. My parents were my pimps and I was their prostitute. Family bonding.

All strength left my body when that realization set in and all that was remaining was a crippling sense of self.

I was a nobody, a pathetic whore even to the parents I had loved all my life.

A knock on the door pulled my attention and switching off the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel over the wet negligee I had.

“Can I come in?”, asked the voice from the door.

I nodded. Realizing he couldn’t see me, I voiced out my acceptance. I was a whore anyway. He had, more or less, bought me. Who was I to say ‘no’?

The door opened and Aarav stepped in.

“Come here”, he said, extending a hand towards me. Taking my hand in his, he pulled me to my bed and he sat me down. Using a spare towel, he started drying my hair as he asked, “What did it say?”

“Huh?”, I replied, confused.

“What did the note say?”

“Nothing but the truth”, my voice was dry, devoid of emotion.

“And that is?”

“That I am a whore”

A stunned silence fell in the room. “You are… you are not..”, Aarav started but I interrupted him.

“You don’t have to lie”, I looked into his eyes, my eyes cold. Looking down at me, I noticed the water dripping on my skin, droplets rolling down to escape into the fluffy towel. Deciding I should probably undress and let him use what he had paid for, I stood up and removed the towel. Stepping out of my negligee, I sat on my bed facing him and started to spread my legs wide.

Before I could do that, his hand shot out and held my knees, pushing them together, he hurriedly threw the comforter over my body.

“What are you doing?”, he asked, half-outraged, half-clueless.

“Just letting you use what you paid for”, I replied meekly.

“I can’t…I didn’t pay for you. What are you talking about?”

“My dad so.. sold me for a deal. You are the buyer and thus, I am a whore”

“No, no, no”, he shook his head, “Nobody sold you for anything”

“But…”

“Shhh…”, he rolled me in the comforter and sat on the bed next to me. Holding my body close to his, he gently rocked me, “You weren’t sold or anything preposterous like that happened. The only reason this arranged marriage happened was that this was the only way to keep you relatively safe.”

“What about the deal?”, I asked in a voice so soft, so broken, if I heard someone else say it my heart would ache for them.

“I’m not allowed to disclose everything to you but the deal would help us make sure that the person we suspect behind the notes does not ever harm you or anybody else”

“Why would you marry me for this? What do you get out of it?”

“The deal helps both of our businesses”, he said vaguely.

“You are both multi-millionaires, a little business increase won’t make any difference. Tell me the real reason”

“I am sorry, I can’t. Not until we are sure, but I can promise you that your worth was never downgraded. Even though I know it might feel like it, you aren’t the victim and we aren’t the villains. We are trying to save you from the real danger”

“And this is the only way?”, I asked, incredulous.

A moment later, when I knew he wouldn’t answer, I asked, “It’s not just the notes, is it?”

He shook his head, “No”

“What else?”, I turned to him, looking directly in his hazel orbs.

He shook his head again, squeezing me harder as he gazed into my own eyes, “All you need to know is you don’t have to worry about anything. Your dad and I will take care of it, okay?”

His words were comforting. I wasn’t sure if I could trust him yet but it just felt like he wouldn’t lie to me, at least not substantially. His eyes held some weird gentleness and authenticity in them, and they were powered with resolution. The gold in his eyes was dim but still powerful.

“Okay”, I nodded, as I continued staring at his eyes, trying to decipher every colour that mashed and clashed in them. This was easier than thinking of that vile creature and allowing me to really feel.

I wanted to get lost in his eyes, in the calm waves they projected.

I wanted to lose myself in him so I could find myself out of the desperate pain that ebbed in my heart.