Chapter 38

I opened my eyes to a sleeping Diana. Her upper half body was slumped beside me, while her lower half seemed to sit on the floor. Had she been praying?

I moved around to remove the covers and let my limbs breathe. It had been so warm under there. On the night I collapsed, I had felt tremendous heat wafting out from the mate bond, so, to shield and help Xander, I had taken some of the heat from him. However, I wasn’t expecting it to burn this much. I had fainted from it. I did it without even knowing if I would survive. The only thing I had kept repeating in my head was that Xander needed to live, whatever it cost. I couldn’t imagine my life without him being in it.

Diana stirred from my movements and lifted her head off the mattress. When she saw me staring back at her, she almost threw herself over me, but she quickly recomposed herself and helped me out of bed, mumbling some sort of apology.

I chuckled at her, then winced at the stiffness of my body.

“Ach, I feel like a runaway boulder has hit me. How long was I out?”

“Long enough. Come on, I’ll take you to the spring. I know it’ll perk you right up.”

I blanched. Bile rose from my stomach, and I tried to contain it, but it ultimately landed in my cupped hands and on the floor. Thoughts of Silas assaulting me then raping me flooded my mind. I did not think I could ever go back there, at least not alone.

“Oh dear, I think we may have moved you too fast. Wait here while I clean this up.” Diana said, doubling her pace to get everything cleaned.

“What happened to Silas?” I croaked when she came back to pull my nightshirt off to swap it for a fresh one.

My arms were sore when I lifted them to help her remove the shirt, but it relieved me to see Xander’s mark had returned to its normal white colour. Whatever I had done had saved him.

“He’s still bedridden; he cannot walk yet. Most of his ribs were broken when we found him. One rib pierced his left lung, and he almost died from drowning. I say almost because he was dead, but one rebel was a fisherman, and he did something that made Silas throw up all the water and breathe. I guess a lot of fishermen drown, and they have a technique to bring them back.” Diana shrugged and pulled down on the shirt.

It would have been better if he had died, but at least that bastard got what he deserved, I thought vengefully.

Diana studied me, then crossed her arms and looked at me seriously.

“Was Silas the one who broke your nose?”

I averted her eyes and tried to find something much more interesting to look at. I knew I could trust Diana, but what would happen to us if the rebellion ever learned what had happened. They must already think I was a freak; they would surely retract their vows of fealty and ask that I leave, or worse, bring me to Osprey himself.

“Well?” Diana spoke in a harsher tone. I felt like I was being scolded.

I nodded briskly and kept looking at a small pebble that lay on the ground. I hoped Diana wouldn’t push the matter any further. Her eyes stayed on me, making me highly uncomfortable.

“Did he do anything else?”

I tried to hold back the tears, but they just flowed on their own accord. Shame washed over me. I could not protect myself from Silas. He had slipped inside of me. I felt dirty, just remembering his grip on me, forcing me down. I shut my eyes, hoping it would stop the memory from resurfacing and stop the tears from falling. Had it been my fault? Had I made it seem like there was a possibility that we could have been together? I felt utterly violated, and I hoped I would never see his face again.

“Did he touch you?”

I dragged my hands over my face, clearing as many tears as possible, and tried to put on a brave face. I didn’t want to worry Diana any more than she already was. I needed her to be strong for me. I needed someone I could lean on until I got back on my feet.

“Enough! Let it go, Diana. What’s done is done.” I said, trying to shake her off. “Let’s just go to the spring, and once I’m done, let’s never return there.”

She let the subject go, but only because I could pull off a compelling face.

We made our way slowly through the tunnels. I trod carefully, trying not to fall flat on my face. My legs were still stiff and numb from staying in bed for many days. Diana wanted to make small talk while we walked, and I welcomed it. It helped me chase my dark thoughts away. She was usually a very silent person, but I thought she only did this to cheer me up. She had told me that Gideon had left to find Xander and that they should be back in the early hours of the following day. I hoped Xander was alright. I knew he was because I could feel him through my mark, but seeing was better than believing.

“You’ll stay with me, right?” I asked Diana as we reached the steaming pool.

She smiled and set my things on the ground, then sat down on a nice big rock that jutted out of the clearing’s floor, near the entrance to the water.

It made me feel better, knowing that someone I trusted was keeping watch. I didn’t want another ‘Silas part two’ happening soon.

I lowered myself in the hot spring, moving my arms in delicate figure-eight movements, and then eventually submerged myself completely. This time, I opened my eyes under the water, and I saw it shimmered softly while working its magic on me.

I pressed my fingers alongside the bridge of my nose and was pleasantly surprised that it no longer hurt. The stiffness in my sore muscles was gone, as did the two black eyes I had sported due to my broken nose. I resurfaced and grabbed the soap and cloth and cleaned every inch of my skin. I wanted the sweat, the tears, the hurt, the anguish, and the fear to leave my body. Above all else, I tried to remove Silas’s touch. I scrubbed my skin so hard that it burned.

The forest had been dreadfully quiet. Usually, some chirping or insects were buzzing, but that night was soundless. I heard a long howl and lifted my head out of the pool enough to catch Diana’s concerned eyes. We were close to a full moon, which could trigger some shifters to change against their will. I rinsed myself and quickly returned to the moss-covered ground to dry off and get dressed. Who knew what could lurk in the shadows of the thick pine trees?

“That’s the second howl I heard tonight, and it seems to get closer. Might be best if we returned underground.”

“I share your sentiment,” I answered Diana while pulling down my shirt. I didn’t take the time to put my clothes entirely back on. We needed to go, and fast.

As soon as we made to leave, trees were rustling in the near distance, and I could definitely hear angry snarls heading our way. Whatever it was, it was coming straight for us. I grabbed Diana just in time as something dived where she had momentarily been. It had leaped at us through the darkness of the trees. I had barely time to see what it had been; it was almost invisible in the night. I pulled up an energy shield and held my ground, staring at the creature head-on and ready to fight.

The light that diffused from my shield provided some help in inspecting what we were up against. This thing was huge! It looked bigger than a wolf, but not a wolf completely. The creature had long midnight black fur on its head, trailing down on its neck and shoulders and some on its limbs and midsection, but the rest of its body had small prickly hair where I could see the pale black skin underneath. It had black angular wide eyes and sharp serrated claws and teeth. When it turned to look at us, it got up on its hind legs and tripled in height.

Diana squeaked and pressed closer to me. The thing slowly made its way to us. I lowered my shield and inspected. I noticed its frame resembled a human, more prominent and broader, of course, but there was an air of familiarity with it. Especially when the creature moved. The mark on my shoulder vibrated, and I could feel joy and relief flow through it.

“Xander?” I approached cautiously, never leaving my eyes on the beast. If I were mistaken, it could attack us and tear us to shreds with the teeth and claws it was packing.

I heard a low purr sounding from its throat, and I saw its tail was wagging. I sighed in relief and made the shield evaporate, and sprinted toward the beast. Xander’s Lycan form returned on four paws and jumped closer to me, breaking the distance between us. I crashed into him, running my hands on his fur and hugging his huge wolf head. He licked my entire face with one lap of his tongue. I had thought it would be rugged, like sandpaper, but it was soft and tickled my skin. The part of me that had been hollow from his absence had now been restored. I was myself again. I was complete.

I had never seen a Lycan before, so I explored with my eyes and touched him, feeling his muscles and examining his massive paws. They were almost the size of my face, and the toes were longer than those of a normal wolf. They looked like warped human fingers. When he returned on two legs, my head was near his mid-section. Xander’s Lycan height was shocking. Who would ever win against such a formidable beast?

I heard popping sounds coming from within him, and he whimpered and contracted his body. Diana grabbed my arm and moved us away.

“Give him space so he can change.” She said while handing me a large towel.

I could feel Xander's pain from what the transition was doing to him. His bones stuck out of his back and sides, and I could see them being replaced or repositioned somewhere else. The sound was dreadful. His fingers had become bent and shaped with odd angles, accompanied by cracking noises. His nails receded into their beds and returned to a more human look. All of his furs were shedding and came tumbling down his body in black patches.

He had fallen on his hands and knees, and he took uneven breaths while the transformation finished. He fell back on the balls of his feet and pulled me in his arms, kissing me and passing his fingers through my wet hair. I hurriedly placed the towel over him and cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. His eyes had returned to their beautiful pale gray colour.

“I’ve missed you so much!” Xander said, a little out of breath.

I smiled at his words and tightened my embrace. He did not know how glad I was to have him back at my side. He kissed the tip of my nose and looked over at Diana. She had moved further away to give us some privacy.

“Thank you for taking care of her while I was away.”

She clicked her tongue and swatted her hand in the air.

“It’s nothing.” She turned her gaze to me.

“I’ll take my leave, then. Come find me once you are both back inside.”

I nodded and watched her move through the trees. Her feet made almost no sound on the thick green moss. She looked back and shot me a knowing smile, then resumed her way towards the underground tunnel.