Chapter 65

"Listen to me. This is my mother's house. Inherited from an uncle so it's forgotten about. I thought you could live here, with Ruby, with Pearl, if that's what you want."
"Ruby? You don't even like- No, give me back my shoe ..."
"Just because I can doesn't mean I will." He tossed it to the floor. To her horror he yanked up his shirt. "She just takes a bit of getting used to, that's all. Anyway you do this, so I can court you and then we get engaged."
"Engaged?"
"I already have the ring."
"What? Are you mad?"
"Properly paid for too. Not like anything you can produce. Now then."
Engaged? Her with a properly paid for ring on her finger. Cass's jaw dropped further as his perfectly shaped chest emerged from the shirt.
"But we'd be married before then. It would mean you always having to have an alias, whatever happens in this war, because Caruthers won't let this go, you're right. It doesn't matter he's steered clear of me after I turned down his offer, that I didn't bargain taking your place because I knew that would then rouse his suspicions."
"I told you he was a damned old coot. You didn't belie-"
"Don't tell me that's something you're not used to though."
"What him being a damned old --?"
"No. You not being who you say."
Dear Lord, although Sapphire was dead, dead and buried, this let her be her in a quite different way. Quite far from her thoughts right now, but there at the far horizons, as he kissed her neck.
"Lord Hawley, stop it. Now. Eudora is in the house. Tilly is in the-"
"I'm sure they know what goes on behind my door."
"Well, that's just it."
She'd seen once what passion could do, how close to the edge it had pushed her. Close to the edge? She'd jumped the cliff. Leaped headfirst, taking him with her. What would it do to her if she couldn't keep him? And how would she ever do that? A man like him? Experienced? Knowing? Hungry?
"I could never keep a man like you. I'd like to-oh God, yes-- but I can't. Please, you must see that."
"You have kept me." Ignoring her protestation, he started opening the tiny black buttons on her dress. "You've kept me just fine. Even when you've been away you've kept me. How's that for keeping?"
"You might as well know that first night ..." It was worth giving this away to end it. "The one you had such a problem with, and I ... You weren't wrong."
Bemusement flitted across his features. He reached out and touched her face. "Well, Lazuli, if that's the truth, you're doing a fairly good job. Ten years for a kiss. I don't mind it being life for this. Agreed? I can do this, if you can. What's more, it hasn't been easy but I'm a better bargain than I was before. I'm also ready to do this properly, to take responsibility for everything. So this ... this is like a first time for me. I'm not worried about what happens, if anything happens afterwards. I want you to know that. I want this. I want us."
"Lord Hawley ... For heaven's sake ... Stop it. You should care not to make this mistake."
She should say no. Except saying no wasn't an option when his mouth met hers.
The firelight warmed his skin, the flex of his shoulder muscles, the hollows of his back. She pressed her mouth to his chest, feeling his heart pounding beneath her lips.
For God's sake, if she did this, then she could still turn around afterwards and tell him no, couldn't she? There were places she could run, especially when he was just as bossy as before and what was worse, her body responded to him as always and she strove to ignore his potent, evocative essence.
"Unless? Unless you really do want to go to France?" he said. "I nearly offered that, my spying, but I knew, I knew from everything that something in you would revolt against being told to do anything."
"Really?"
"And frankly I didn't want to spend my time stopping you leaping from coaches and things."
Her throat tightened. Just because she could run didn't mean she should, did it? If she ran, if she went now for that matter, running, hiding, no idea of her next step-she was giving up the chance to at least try and see if she could, just maybe, expand the shrunken square she stood on.
Love? Love was different things to different people because no two people were the same and passion was devoid of reason. But if it was also about choice, about taking chances, then just maybe this was her chance, to put her heart into his hands, to take that step into the future in ways she'd never imagined. In some ways here just now, while it might not seem like it, by making this choice, by taking this chance, she was in control.
The map of her heart was missing a piece without him. And the journey needed to be completed. Funny, when these were things she'd never thought to find when she'd stepped in that coach all those years ago. But a lot of this was. Imagine not being with him when he was in every part of her? This was her chance to prove she could. Time to ... let go, step into the future. Think of the candles she'd lit in her heart for him, every night, wondering, did he think of her?
"All right," she said. "We'll-we'll do it."
"Only if you're sure. I know you don't like to be owned. I should add, I don't either."
"I love you." Three words she had never thought to say, but there they were.
A grin crooked his face. A tender one she'd never seen there before. "You realize that if we do this you'll have to marry me, Lazuli Blenheim. There's no getting out of it."
"Hmm? So long as you don't go back to insulting me then let's discuss it in the morning."
With what tingled all the way to her toes, she already knew there was only one answer she could give. Yes.



The End