Chapter 85: Trapped

The next time I wake, I'm groggy and can't feel my legs. It takes me some time to come fully to, to allow my wolf to heal me while I fight my patience and the need to weep and scream my rage and frustration into the empty room.

Andre took his time, with Jean Marc watching from the corner. The first light of day shone through the bars before I passed out this round. The last thing I saw was a sharp blade penetrating my abdomen, driving me, finally, into the quiet of unconsciousness.

Tingling in my feet reassures me the damage he did to my spinal cord is being handled. I turn over on my side and cough blood into the straw, my body chill and shivering. My wolf can handle a lot, can heal a great deal, but the weaker I become, the harder it will be for her to save me. I rest a moment, forehead itchy from the coarse bedding, before leveraging myself painfully up into sitting position.

I hug my arms around my naked torso, strands of my black-dyed bob sticking in the crusted blood on the side of my face. I lick slowly at my parched lips, hands exploring myself to ensure nothing is still mutilated past the point of support. I have to explore my little prison and see if there is a way to escape. And there's no telling how long Andre will be gone. The sky outside is going dark again, so he's done a lot of damage, taking my wolf nearly a half a day to heal enough to wake me. Andre must be furious to take his torture that far.

I know now it's not about pleasure for him anymore, but about punishment. I've taken the joy out of it for him. My lips curl as I grin into the empty air. Good. I'm glad I hurt him, even if only a little. Once I'm out of here, I'll make sure I finish the job.

Optimism is costly as I pull myself to my feet, leaning heavily on the stone wall to keep me upright. It's quite likely I'll never escape this, never again see Sage or anyone else I love. That I'll die here after Rupe uses me to capture Sage. But I can't quit. I just don't have it in me.

I stagger forward a step, another, until I'm under the narrow window. It's far too high for me to reach in this condition. The fresh air flowing in from outside rejuvenates me somewhat, though, and I breathe in the scent of outside a moment before turning and looking back into the room.

The small table is gone, Andre's implements. He's not stupid enough to leave them behind. I make the round of the room, eventually leaning out from the wall, using one hand to steady myself. The door is thick, solid steel, the lock a deadbolt into stone and windowless. Unless I can somehow figure out how to walk through walls, I'm trapped.

I sink into a corner, heels tucked tight, arms around my knees, and reach for my wolf. I can feel her, as I used to, more peripheral, less connected. The sorcery controls muffle me in a wet blanket of darkness. She's there, but she's even quieter than she used to be when I was under the influence of the Black Souls. Rupe is right. The Czar was arrogant, trusting too much to his track record and the status quo. Syd showed him the error of such thinking. I giggle with mild hysteria at the memory of my friend coming to my rescue. Good times.

I shake my head, knowing I'm fading into delusion from weakness and dehydration. I have no idea how much blood I've lost, though my wolf is working hard to restore me. While I know it's impossible and will never work, I push into her, feeling my wereform take shape. I'm shaky when I'm only part-way shifted and have to give up, reverting to human form again. I hoped maybe I could take my full wolf body, find a way to break the hold Rupe has over me. But the noose is too tight around my magic and I can only sag, head falling forward, forehead pressing into my knees as I sigh out my resignation.

There has to be something I can do. I can't just sit here and wait for Andre to come back. That's what I used to do, when I was young and had no choice. I was out of options then, a little girl trapped in a life I was sure I'd never escape. But my freedom has made me restless, unable to sink into the acceptance I had as a child. It saved me, helped me build walls and barriers around what mattered most, my most sensitive thoughts and hopes. But that same resignation now feels like quitting.

And I won't quit.

I feel his mind as I lift my head, determined to find some way to act. It's as distant as before, but he's aware of me this time. My Sage. I weep into my hands, soft sobs crushing my heart as the animal brain that remains to him links with mine and howls his despair and loss.

Sage. I try to pull him into focus, to dig for some part of the man I love that might be left behind, salvage in the wreck of his humanity. But he grunts at me, growls and snarls, biting at my mind like a hurt creature cornered and in pain. I soothe him with my mind, stroking his gently and feel him calm.

Sage. This time when I speak his voice in my mind, he merely grumbles. His hold on me tightens and I catch the barest glimpse of him, running through a forest in the dark. He comes to a halt and the image leaves me, but his mind clings to mine.

There might be hope here, if I can get through to him. It's a long shot, his scrambled thoughts all about hunting and the scent of the forest, but my face is in his mind and there is a fierceness to the attachment I know is the only reason he can reach me and I him. I silently thank the love we have for each other that makes even this tenuous touch possible.

Sage, listen carefully. I show him an image of Syd. He recoils and I almost lose him but I send my own image and he stops, comes back. Slowly, carefully, I superimpose her face over mine until I can feel him panting in confusion.

Find her, I send. Sage, find Syd. Contact her. Like you're contacting me.

He doesn't understand, that's clear from his anxious mental whining. I touch him with my magic as best I can, then show him Syd again. Sage, find her.

This time, a glimmer of understanding sparks. He barks. My stomach in knots, I again touch him with my magic and then show him Syd.

He's gone with a yelp, his mind abandoning mine. I have no idea as I let my head fall back against the stone if he actually understood. It's impossible to tell. I attempt to calm my breathing, head burning with an ache, which makes opening my eyes difficult. But I tried, I did my best. And if he did get it, if I did make it clear and he is now searching for Syd, I may yet find a way from this place.

It's dangerous, sending Sage for her. He's a real revenant now, or, at least, a wolf. It might be too much for Femke, make her turn against him. But I know Syd won't give up on either of us.

I hear footsteps outside the door, the grinding sound of metal on stone. When Andre shoves the portal open and steps inside, I stare up at him with a sharp-toothed smile.

"I've been waiting for you," I say.

He pins me with magic, though I've done nothing to fight against him. I can't, not with the hold Rupe has over me. I was lucky enough to be able to break and bite him. That won't be happening again. I can already feel the strength sapping from my body as Andre brings in the small table with his shining implements on it and closes the door.

But as he turns to me, to begin again, his hatred for me replacing his need to own me, I continue to smile. It might be just like old times, but I have hope.

It'll kill him to find out he'll never win.



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