Chapter 12

Courtney

My nightmares haunt me even when I'm awake.
They torture me when I'm asleep.
My dreams aren't actually dreams, but a reminder of the horrid memories of when Sergei punished as he liked to call it.
Two warm hands wrapping around my body wake me from my hell. I open my eyes. He's my savior, Alec Vitale. The only man I will let touch me. Sure we hated each other at first but he's the only one that knows and feels my pain because he's experienced the pain and abuse much as I have.
I am still shaking and have sweat beading down on my forehead as he starts to hum a melody as he holds me close to him.
He makes me feel safe.
My protector.
My friend.
My kind of lover.
I turned and faced him nuzzling my head in the crook of his neck inhaling his cologne. He looks down at me guiltily, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you and our baby."
He feels guilty?
"No, don't say that. If I had never gone for a walk I would have never been taken. It's all my fault." We stayed glued to one another for what seemed like hours and cry feeling and taking in each other's pain mourning for the loss of our child.
A child that would never say their first word.
First step.
First birthday.
First anything.
He or she never existed.
Never had a fighting chance.
My entire life I had to face the wrath of the devil named Sergei. I was his slave to use as he pleased and he allowed his men to use me as they wished.
Then, Alec came into my life breaking down all the walls I worked so hard to build up around my heart. The minute we got past all the hate and connected my walls came crashing down. I just hope he doesn't make me regret letting him in. He rests his forehead on mine and whispers. "I'm going to make him regret laying his hands on you and killing our baby."
No words were said with our faces still touching and our lips lightly brushing mine he attaches with mine skin on skin. Nobody in this world matters to us right now as we connect on so many levels making us whole.
I begin to realize one thing. We are just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl who accidentally found each other.
I need him.
He needs me.
We need each other.
Alec and I are the same.
Two lost souls.
Broken but yet still so strong.
Allowing myself to finally relax in his arms I feel my body shutting down as I drift off to sleep in the arms of Alec Vitale.
This time when I sleep the bad memories never haunt me. All I dream of is Alec. He is my own personal dreamcatcher. I wake up to Caterina shaking me awake with a smile on her face.
"I wanted to chill with you for a while since the guys are talking business in my father's office."
I'm actually glad Nate did run into me with his car whether it was planned or not. It led me to my new friends, my new family. They actually make me start to feel like myself again before all the years of abuse from the Devil. Caterina is my best friend and my sister. We may not be blood-related but I feel like we are.
"Hey can you help me downstairs, I'm hungry."
She takes my arm and slings it over her shoulder helping me walk downstairs to the kitchen. My body is still severely bruised and my wrists have been bandaged up from the chains cutting through my skin. I still feel sore from the sexual attacks but am gradually feeling better.
Caterina sets the plate down in front of me and a glass of whiskey, "Thanks. I could use a drink right now." She nods and breaks out in a smile, "So are you and Alec done fighting each other?"
Bringing the glass up to my chapped lips I take a big drink and allow the whiskey to burn down my throat, "Caterina, what Alec and I have is purely physical. We just connect on a completely different level. We understand each other."
She smirks as if she knows I'm lying to her and shakes her head at my failed lie. She knows how to read me and definitely knows when I'm lying to her. I know Alec and I aren't a couple, we just crave each other's touch.
I finish eating my sandwich and take the last of my drink when the guys come into the kitchen. I make eye contact with him and his face lights up like a kid in a candy store.
At this moment, he kisses my lips letting them linger for as long as he can. We can't hear anyone else in the room and at that moment I had realized I had made a mistake. I had fallen in love with him. My body freezes and he seems to realize something is wrong.
"Courtney...What's wrong?" I don't think I can do this with him anymore. He would never love me.
Shaking my head at him, I look to him then work up the strength to rush out of the room and into Giovanni's office, locking the door behind me. Giovanni looks up from his papers and I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.
"I can't do whatever Alec and I have anymore. I'm tainted." I barely whisper the last part to him, when he suddenly pulls me into a hug.
"Oh sweetheart, you're not tainted. Please don't do that to him. You're the only one he's let get that close to him. Please, I'm begging you."
Rattling of the doorknob and banging on the door, I can hear him yelling my name,
"Courtney! Please, baby, open the door. Let's talk about this."
I've never heard him sound so broken and angry at the same time. Giovanni nudges my shoulders. "Just talk to him please."
Walking up to the door, I unlock the door and face him as he pulls me to him hugging me like his life depended on it. His grip tightens and I feel the pain but I don't let him know it hurts me. His eyes soften as he picks me up leading us up to his room. I wait for him to blow up at me but he doesn't, he looks to me with a pained expression, "Baby, what's wrong?"
Barely above a whisper, "I'm tainted, you don't want damaged goods."
His face hovers over mine and he caresses his hand on my cheek. "I don't think you are. You're the strongest woman I've ever known. Let me take care of you. Please don't shut down on me."
Can I really keep doing this with him knowing I've fallen for him?
I want to open up my heart for him, but I'm afraid once I let him in he'll just hurt me as every other man has done to me. His face is pleading with me to not shut down on him. I've made my mind up. I'm going to try to make whatever we've got going on work. I just hope it doesn't backfire on me. Bringing his face to mine, I connect our lips kissing him then pull away, "Ok. I'm not going to shut down on you. I'm here."
We eventually fall back to sleep and for some strange reason, the nightmares come to me.
I wake up screaming and trembling with sweat on my face as Alec rocks me back and forth. He's humming that tune he sung to me before and for some reason, it's working. My breathing slows down and I start to relax in his arms, "Alec, I need to tell you something. Sergei's got a little brother. He's the one that keeps haunting me in my dreams. He's still out there and gonna take me again."
Chuckling at my confession, he shakes his head at me, "No. He's down in the basement suffering. I'm going to go back down there soon. He's going to suffer a long, agonizing death for what he did."
"I want to confront him, maybe this is what I need to do to make the dreams go away." He clenches his jaw and his body goes rigid. "No, absolutely fucking not!"
A familiar voice at the doorway makes him even angrier, "Yes. She needs this, Alec."
Giovanni stands there and Alec becomes so angry his body starts shaking. I know he is trying to protect me but I do need this. I need closure. He knows he has lost this argument because he stares me in the eyes, "Okay, but stay close to me."
They lead me down to the basement and there sits the fucking monster that raped me as Sergei watched along with all his men. He's got a missing finger and looks like he's missing a tooth. Blood is pouring out his cheek and got several bruises coating his face. I just need to ask him one thing.
"Why?! Why?!"
He lifts his face curling his lips upward into a smirk, "Well, well, well. If it isn't Sergei's whore."
Anger runs through my body as he insults me. I grab the knife, slicing through three of his fingers cutting them off, "You bastard, you killed my baby! You and your bastard brother. I hope they torture you real good and send your body to Sergei."
His screams give me satisfaction knowing I'm hurting him. Good. He deserves to feel the pain. Now he knows how I felt as he mercilessly thrust inside me.
Alec has to literally drag me away from the basement and into an empty room. As I was cutting that bastard's fingers off, I felt no remorse. I liked how I was the one inflicting pain on someone instead of the other way around. I liked hearing him beg me and scream. Just like I did as he used my body the same way Sergei did to me.
"Thank you, Alec. I think everything's going to be okay now. I have my closure now."