Chapter 14

Rachel wondered why the universe couldn’t let her breathe and enjoy the moment, something always had to go wrong. She had been so shocked to see Ken and even more at the fact that he knew Nathan. She felt like the biggest clown in the world. Her relationship with Ken was the worst out of all her previous relationships. It took her months to get over the hurts. She had to relocate to another state for her peace of mind. And now the universe let them meet again.
She looked at Nathan, he had not spoken a word to her. By the way he was gripping his steering wheel tightly, she knew he was very angry. Even when they got home he did not bother to help her with the car door. She hurriedly exited the car to catch up with him.
“Nathan.” She touched his hand and he moved away from her like she was a hot iron.
“Don’t touch me. We had an agreement. You didn’t tell me anything. How could you be so…so wicked?” Nathan spat.
“No…no…you don’t understand.”
“I think I do, you don’t have to say anything.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you, I was not myself. It took a lot time for me to be alright.” Rachel said.
He flayed his arms. “What are you even saying? You have a son somewhere and you are saying—What the fuck is wrong is with you?” She couldn’t take it and started to cry again. “Rachel look I can’t do this with you right now. Goodnight.” He started to go up the stairs.
“Nathan, I don’t have a son.” He halted and looked at her quizzically. “I was pregnant…I was supposed to have a boy…I didn’t have him…I mean I didn’t leave the hospital with him.” She folded over trying to release every form of emotion she had bottled up for the past years and continued to weep.
“Rachel.” He said in a soft voice. “Oh I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid.”
She could not form words so she didn’t reply. Once one tear had broken free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. She sat on the stairs to stop her knees from shaking. She couldn’t hear anything over her cries but some moments later she felt his hands embrace her and ran his fingers through her hair attempting to calm her.
She tilted and his her face in the nook of his neck and she continued crying. He didn’t say anything or move and she was content with that. Her breathing rate stabled after some time till still became silent and only tears were rolling down her face.
Her throat felt swollen as she stuttered to speak the words in her head. “I…I—”
“Shhh…you don’t have to say anything.” Nathan said.
She let herself relax into his hands and does nothing but stare into space. She let him carry her into his room. She let him tuck her into bed.
When sleep came, she let it consume her.
Nathan felt so idiotic. He was ashamed of himself. His anger clouded over any of his rational thoughts and his collective judgment. He knew Kendrick when he was school. He was a smart conniving son of a bitch who could manipulate anything. He took a look at a peaceful Rachel sleeping beside him. She had a smile on her face like she was having a nice dream.
Or anybody.
Ken kept hammering on his “son” and she actually had a miscarriage. He obviously seemed to blame her. He could not imagine the pain she would have been in. Ken was supposed to be there for her and be for her. He leaned over to look at the time and discovered it was already 11am. He also checked the food he prepared for her to make sure it was still warm. He internally battled with himself on whether to wake her or not.
“Hey.” He patted her softly and she stirred gently. He reached to touch her silky hair and combed his fingers gently in them. He nuzzled the back of her head, letting her hair tickle his nose as he breathed her in. He remembered how he had pulled at her hair many times during their rough rendezvous. He felt the strain against his pants and swore internally.
She rolled over and opened her eyes almost halfway to look at him. They looked puffy and swollen. She had literally cried her eyes out. He hastily reached out to her breakfast and handed it wordlessly to her. He felt he saw a spark in her eyes. She sniffled and gave him a half smile and started digging into her food.
His heart bounced in excitement in his ribcage as he watched devour the food. He wondered how to start his apology. He wondered if he could seduce her and fuck the sadness out of her. He looked at her licking her lips and he imagined his cock right there. He internally snapped.
What was he thinking? He had to control his urges. She didn’t look like she wanted sex. Maybe she just want someone to talk to. He could actually give her some company and maybe cuddle a little.
“Nathan.” Her soft voice disrupted his disbanded daydream.
“Thanks for the meal. It was lovely. I—”
Nathan stroked her cheek interrupting her. “It’s fine. I only did the bare minimum.”
Sadness clouded her features. “I never thought I would see him again. I feel so—”
He cupped her head and tucked her into his shoulder. “I know. I know.” He massaged her head as she sobbed quietly on him.
After a few minutes, it seemed like she had stopped crying. She raised her head up and cleaned her tears and sucked a big breath.
“We had a complicated relationship.” She sniffled a bit. “I loved him and he loved me. Well I don’t even know but he said those words you know. When we dated, he would cheat a lot of times. He would call it a ‘slip’ and he would appease me by buying me a lot of expensive things or we would just have make-up sex. It happened many times. We fought many times in those situations. He never beat me. He never raised his hands on me but his mouth and lips were always laced with venom. He’s very good with words and throwing blames sprinkled with insults. He would cheat you know and he would still find a way to blame me.” Rachel let out an emotionless laugh. “I was a fool and I was in love, a perfect recipe for disaster. But I got pregnant and everything changed. Ken seemed excited when I told him. Our fights drastically reduced and I was happiest person in the world. He would take days off and stay with me. He would buy anything I craved. Every morning he would put his ear on my belly to hear his heartbeat.”
Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and Nathan wondered whether she was re-living it all over again. He felt very bad for making her go through all her explanations. He considered making her stop talking altogether.
When she opened her eyes, they were glossy and she batted her eyes quickly like she was trying to fight back tears.
“That day— ” Tears ran down her cheeks. “That day I woke up to find blood everywhere. I was so scared. I knew what had happened but I didn’t want to believe it. I knew. Even when the doctor confirmed it, I didn’t still want to believe it.”
Her eyes shifted again and became glazed with tears. She bit her lips tightly to cover any sound that wanted to escape.
Her lips quivered as the words made way out of her mouth. “That day was the ultimate catalyst. Everything changed. He reminded me whenever the opportunity came that it happened. He didn’t even bother to hide his flings. He brought them home everyday. In our bedroom. I don’t know where I found the strength to leave but I’m glad I did. Sometimes I wonder if he ever truly loved me. Seeing him—”
Nathan couldn’t take it anymore. It was painful to see her like this. He embraced her and let his fingers through her hair. “What matters is that you left. He didn’t deserve you. If you hadn’t left, we would never have met and I’m grateful I met you Rachel.” He pulled her face up to met his gaze. “I’m happy I met you, I really am.”