Chapter 45

I could smell blood. Human blood. It was on my tongue and it didn’t taste right. Part of me was paranoid that I hadn’t left Orin’s flat but the smell beyond the blood was different than I remembered. The bed I realized I was on felt different underneath me.

As brain function came back, I realized that I was in my room at Warren’s house. I was grasping at blurry flashes of memories to figure out how I got there but I hadn’t figured it out by the time I was ready to move.

Everything was slow and felt as if I had broken most of my bones only to have them regrow and go stiff. I pulled on clothes and called Leo, only to find his phone on my dresser. I assumed he had forgotten it.

No big deal I’d just take it to him at the Nest where he was most-likely doing paperwork for Kris.

I avoided my siblings as I moved through the house, not looking for a conversation and still trying to shake the missing information out of my rattled brain. I even avoided trying to drive with my brain so scattered and hailed a cab after I walked closer to the city traffic. Then I walked into the Nest and found myself being stared at from all angles.

The thought of yelling at them ran through my head but I didn’t have the energy so I just headed in the direction of Leo’s office and kept my head down. I was so deep in my own thoughts that I barely noticed Kris running toward me until he made me jump as he cut me off from the hallway Leo’s office was on.

“Raven! What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home?”

“I’m not dead. A little hungry maybe but not dead. Leo forgot his phone. I was just taking it to him,” I replied, trying to move past him but he continued to block me.

“You know what? Let’s take a walk. I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

I tried again but he took me by my shoulders and pushed me at the elevator.

“Kris, I just have to give him his phone. We can talk after. You’re being ridiculous.”

“Just humor me.”

I rolled my eyes before giving in. “Fine, whatever. We’ll take a walk.”

The elevator closed us in and an awkward silence fell over us. I waited for him to say something but he was silent. So I looked at him and tried to get his voice to come back. All I got was the ding of the elevator passing another floor.

“Kris, come on. We’re here, you wanted to talk, so just say it.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted his weight from one foot to another. “What do you remember from the past few days?” he finally mumbled as if he didn’t want to have a conversation at all.

“What does it have to do with Leo? He was fine the last I saw him so why can’t I see him today? Did I do something?”

More silence and shifting until the doors opened in the lobby.

“This is dumb. I’m going back up to give him his phone unless you start talking.” I reached out, finger on the floor button but not yet pressing it.

He pushed me out of the elevator. “Let’s just um… let’s go outside. Isn’t it a beautiful night?”

Not having the energy to fight him, I let him guide me outside and down a few blocks to a tree-lined park. I figured that once he got out whatever he was going to say, I’d just go up to see Leo and complain about Kris’s weirdness then. So I just kept my mouth shut and waited for him to say his piece.

“Raven, umm… he was caught… he ummm… Raven he’s gone.”

I felt my face wrinkle in confusion. “Gone where?”

“He was caught drinking vampire blood,” Kris tried again.

My brain tried to process slowly, what he said. I stared at Kris the whole time, tears threatening to fall. “How long does he have?”

He shook his head, trying to get me to sit on a bench but I pushed his hands away.

“This isn’t funny Kris. You can’t joke about this stuff. Where is he really?”

“Come here and sit down, Raven. I’m not joking about this.”

“Then tell me how long I have to fix it!” I demanded, pushing away his hands again.

He waited until we were looking each other in the eye. “It’s already done, Raven.”

I could literally feel the weight of his words wash over me. Almost as if I had been injected with something that filled my veins with the heavy darkness of grief. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think past the three words filling my consciousness.

Leo is dead.

“Raven, I’m sorry. No one wanted this to happen. He was a good man and I know that he loved you fiercely.”

I could barely comprehend that Kris was speaking to me at all. The world was dropping out from under me and time meant nothing anymore.

~

I closed myself inside Leo’s house, holding on to memories of our time together as if they were my only life raft, keeping me out of insanity and darkness. I didn’t leave the bed for days, just clinging to the blankets and breathing in his smell. When the smell began to fade, I showered with his soap, washed the blankets and started the process over.

My siblings and Warren tried to get me out of the house but I didn’t answer the door for them and Kris was the only one with a key. Kris kept me fed and made sure I was still alive with a check-up every week. Somedays I was completely numb, others were filled with heart-wrenching pain and anguish.

One random Tuesday, Kris had had enough of me letting myself waste away and changed his approach.

“Raven, it’s been more than two months. Do you think you can come out of this house? You need some fresh air and we miss you. Warren is begging me to get you to come out. You don’t have to go to Nyctophilia or anything. We can just walk through a park.”

I looked at him, hearing what he said but not really listening. He sighed knowing that I wasn’t going to answer him. I hadn’t spoken in those two months. Not a single word.

“Raven, it’s time to move on. I wasn’t going to give you this until later but I think it’s time for you to read what he had to say and move on. You have to live your life.”
His tone had changed, rougher than he had been lately, just enough to get my full attention but not enough for a response. I watched him lay a folded piece of paper on the kitchen counter with his back to me as he headed for the front door.

“Warren won’t wait much longer for you to come out. Call me if you don’t want to be alone anymore. You still have friends who care about you, Raven.”

The rough tone started something in my brain. Like a tiny ember that finally sparks a fire, I found myself suddenly filled with rage directed at Warren. I was ready to pull him apart to little pieces for what he did to Leo who hadn’t hurt anyone. For the first time in a long time, the wild, black-eyed Raven was out of her cage and looking for a fight. If Warren wanted to show off how dangerous I was to everyone, then I was going to give him exactly what he wanted. Leash off, no control. Warren was going to regret parading me in front of his clients and business partners. He was going to regret that I was made a vampire and he would pay for killing the only person who kept me sane.