CHAPTER 21

"I found a set of orders on one of the men I killed, Thostchild was mentioned," Darius continued his explanation, but I was reeling from what he'd just shared.

"How many died?" I wanted to know.

"The entire Cedar pack, several rogues and more than half of my people. I thought you had died as well, it wasn't until I started looking closer that I learned your ran."

"I didn't run," I spat, my anger perhaps a little misdirected. Guilt flooded me and I cringed at the knowledge that I'd never once looked back. Never checked on the Cedar pack or Darius. I'd closed that piece of my life away and locked it tight. Now it was back to bite me.

We pulled up around back of the manse, Chase opened my door, intent on helping me, but Daruis beat him to it, gathering me carefully against his chest. I let him, because I was in pain, and because I was buck naked in the middle of the day. The neighbours were getting an eyeful and I wanted to get inside as quickly as possible.

Micheal and Chase must have had the same thought because they didn't balk at Darius entering the manse and even talked Jacob down when he stormed our direction with murder written on his face.

"What happened?" he demanded the same moment several wolves appeared ready to face a threat.

It must have been intimidating. Standing there amidst a pack that would just as soon kill you as listen to your explanation. Darius didn't seem bothered.

"She needs medical attention," he told them. "Where do you want her?"

"What happened?" Anthony's voice echoed from the stairs, sudden and furious.

"I was shot," I told him watching him descend toward us like a storm on a path of destruction. "It was my fault, I lost the guards you left and entered the facility on my own."

Anthony cringed at the sight of my leg. It wasn't healing, which, of course, was the intent of the silver nitrate.

"Jesus, Rave. What the hell were you doing?" He reached for me but Darius held tight. Anthony speared him with a glare. "Who the hell are you?"

"The man who saved your girlfriend's life."

A corner of Anthony's lip lifted in a sneer, showing teeth. "Looks to me like you did a shit job."

"I wasn't the one who left her to go alone. Where the fuck were you when she was being torn apart by a vampire, or pelted with bullets?"

A low growl built in Anthony's throat, I could feel the responding rumble in Darius' chest. This was turning into a challenge and if I didn't do something soon they'd be ripping at each other here in the foyer.

"I hate to interrupt," I groaned startling them both, "But my leg hurts like a bitch..."

"Martha, get Denise over here. Tell her it's priority," Anthony barked and started up the stairs. "Bring her," he told Darius, "her room is second on the right."

Darius obeyed without argument. I decided he was either getting tired, or feeling a little guilty about having a pissing contest while my leg was burning off.

"Who decorated this place?" He asked, low enough only I could hear, "it looks like a clown was booted from the circus and had an unfortunate accident on the stairs."

I couldn't help the snort. "It came like this, I believe. Rob is...Rob *was* having it redecorated."

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry, Raven, for all that you've lost," his voice was soft and sombre.

I just nodded in acknowledgement. There wasn't much more to say. We'd both faced traumatic loss.

Anthony was glaring at us when we reached the doorway. He gestured to the bed where Darius set me gently.

"You can go now," he told Darius. "We'll take care of her."

I thought it was a little rude. Darius was exhausted, he'd spent the entire night the same way I had, he was still covered in blood and naked as the day he was born. We should at least offer him a place to clean up and some clothes. I supposed, though, just letting him trespass into the heart of our pack's territory was a lot for a brand new alpha. Poor Anthony was probably fighting the instinct to lay into him.

The directive didn't seem to bother Darius, he just looked at me.

"If anyone can fix me it's Denise," I told him. The organization's doctor was one of the best. She actually practiced at Mass General, her patients having no idea she was a wolf beneath her doctor's coat. Pack business took precedence however. At least, that was the deal she had with Rob.

He looked at me as if he wanted to say something. In the end, however, he must have decided against it because he turned and left the room and soon his scent was gone from the manse.

I didn't remember much after that because Denise arrived at the manse.

It was difficult as fuck to knock out a werewolf, our rapid healing got rid of the anaesthesia almost as quickly as it entered our body. The same for alcohol and drugs. But this time she made it work because apparently the only way my leg was going to heal was if she dug around in the wound and cleaned out all the flesh affected by the nitrate. Even then it was going to leave a nasty scar.

I woke when it was all over. I could smell my own blood, though the room had been cleaned before I even opened my eyes. The pain was excruciating, but it was better than the burning of the silver nitrate. Unfortunately pain killers had about as much affect on wolves as any other drug, which was next to nothing.

Anthony was sitting by the bedside on a chair that looked a little small for his frame. He was bent forward, elbows on his knees.

"You didn't call," he said once he saw that I was awake. "You said you needed your space and I agreed. Then you went out of your way to find danger and you didn't bother to call and ask for help."

I shook my head, "this thing, whatever it is, has nothing to do with you, or the organization. I don't want people getting hurt because of me."

He speared me with a glare. "That's what a pack is for, Raven."

"But this isn't really a pack, it's business. And I'm not really part of it anyway, I had a deal with Rob. That's all."

He stood and paced to the bed, his lips pressed together into a tight line. "It's as much of a pack as we make it. It was a pack to Rob, and you were part of that. You were family to him, though you seem intent on disbelieving it. And I'm left here, trying to hold everything together and I can't do that and protect you too, Raven. Not if you wont let me."

I studied his face. His blue eyes were tired, and strained. He leaned over me, a hand brushing my dark hair off my forehead.

"You hold yourself away from everyone," he told me, searching my face, "from me. I've been trying to get to know you for five years and I still don't know anything more than the day you arrived."

I frowned at him, because he was right. I *did* hold myself away from everyone. I'd been doing it my entire life. Hiding my wolf, hiding her power, the Cedar pack had never truly accepted me, then Darius had happened and my parents died. It seemed like anyone I got close to ended up betraying me or dead, so could you really blame me?

Still the accusation hurt a little. It wasn't as if I *wanted* any of those things to happen.

I opened my mouth, intent on telling him just that, but he swooped lower, his lips brushing mine.

I froze, the kiss unexpected, before melting into it. He groaned, his hands cupping my neck, deepening the kiss, taking out his frustration and worry on my lips.

A warm, pleasant heat filled me, stroking a lick of desire from my stomach up my spine. I'd been through so much in the last few days and this likely wasn't the time to be making out with anyone, but I'd wanted him for so long. I was still surprised he wanted me.

He shifted lower, the pressure on the bed jostling me and I gasped at the pain it caused.

He broke the kiss immediately, a little ashamed and lifted himself away from the bed.

"I've wanted to do that for years," he told me.

"Then why didn't you?" Why had he waited so long and left me wondering?

"Because Rob forbade it."