Chapter 15: Decision

POV: Lianne Deivin

I diced the spring onions and sprinkled it on top of the bacon soup all the while I hummed. This tune had been inside my head since I was little. It always made me feel calm whenever I had stressful situations. Cooking however wasn't stressing me but the tune just popped out of my head the moment I started cooking and it had stuck until I finished.

There. I'm finally done.

With arms akimbo, I stepped backward and surveyed my creations.

A feeling of pride rushed inside me seeing the food I prepared for both of us. I always loved to cook, always had been at ease with the kitchen, but it was my first time cooking for someone other than Jen and my Aunt, and all the more for the opposite sex.

I crossed my fingers, hoping that Ruen would like the soup, and maybe if he wanted, I'd be glad to share a pancake with him.

Now, the last thing would be to set up the breakfast table.

With that in mind, I turned towards the sink, intent to wash my hands and face before I could take my apron off.

After turning the faucet on, I washed my hands, soaped it and then splashed water into my face, immediately feeling refreshed and clean. But that's the exact moment when I realized something.

I actually forgot to prepare a towel for me to use. Now, my face was dripping wet with water.

Okay, what to do? What to do?

My mind thought hard and fast. Should I just use the apron to pat my face dry? I asked myself as I squinted to look at the apron. Shoot. Not a good idea because it was smudged with the pancake ready-mix I used minutes ago.

I had no other choice but to let my face dry itself up.

I turned around to take the apron off, but as soon as that happened, I gasped in surprise when I saw Ruen standing in the doorway, already keenly looking at me.

Oh my God!

I gulped hard.

"Hey! Hi!" My greeting sounded forced. "You're already up! Are you feeling better?" I would have wanted to be there when he wakes up, but it seems he had beaten me to it.

Then, I eyed him suspiciously, suddenly realizing something. "Had you been standing here all this time?"

Ruen gave me a short nod and a grin. "Yes, I feel better now, thanks to you, and yes, I had been standing here since give or take about fifteen minutes ago. You were so busy you didn't notice me, Lianne."

My cheeks heat up at his words.

He walked towards me and in reaction my heartbeat tripled. We held onto each others gazes until he stopped right in front of me and reached for a cabinet near him.

Confused, I looked at what he was doing.

"Here," he said just as he pulled out a blue and white striped face towel from the cabinet.

"Oh...tha-thanks," I said, my voice somehow coming out shy.

I took the towel from him and wiped my face hurriedly.

"Hmmm, the food smells good, Lianne."

"Oh! I ah...I cooked up a breakfast for both of us. See?" I gestured a hand towards the table. "I realized you'd be hungry after your... your... ah...your fev...er..." I was out of focus when he gradually stepped closer to me.

Step after step my breathing seemed to pause. His eyes held mine like a spell, unwilling to be unbound. My feet, they stayed in place, and didn't want to ran away. As if I wanted to.

When we were inches apart, he reached out to me, snaked his arms around my back and pulled me close for a really tight embrace.

I was left dumbfounded. My arms didn't know what to do. Should I embrace him back or not?

"Uhmm, Ruen?" my voice croaked.

In response, he squeezed my shoulders and pressed his cheek harder against the crown of my head.

"Thank you," a sincere tone drifted through my ears then.

"For...for what Ruen?" I asked, feeling confused.

"For being here."

I bit the insides of my cheek. A soothing warmth filled my stomach and it diffused throughout my body. It was wonderful. Addictive even.

"Of...of course. You did say you'd help me remember. That's why I'm here."

My lips quivered lightly. Oh my heart. Be calm. Be calm!

He released me afterwards and I tried to keep my knees strong so that I wouldn't fall to the floor.

"Uhm, let's eat," I said and sensibly turned around to avoid his gaze. If I didn't and continued looking at his brown-green orbs my heart would probably explode.

I heard him give out an approving sound and then claimed one seat across mine.

***

We ate breakfast together in the same table and it was thoroughly awkward. To be honest, this was not what I had in mind at all. I expected him to be lying on the sofa still half-conscious and I, feeding him the soup. But really, what was I thinking anyway. Feeding him would definitely be more awkward than eating with him in the same table.

We didn't start any conversations at all throughout the meal, but I noticed him stealing glances towards me from time to time. Either he was a silent type of man or he was just waiting for a good opportunity to open up the subject of my past...or hers for that matter.

"Come with me," he said after we ate. I looked at the plates unwashed and gave him a questioning look.

"Don't worry. My household help, Jovan, will take care of that later," he informed right after standing up.

Oh, so he does have someone to keep this place clean and comfy.

We passed by the living room and then entered a hallway that led to a study room. In there, I saw him scan a book shelf and then pulled out what looked like an old tattered book. It looked ancient and antique. I was afraid of touching it when he handed it to me.

"This is the last of the four copies the author had made. You can read it if you like. I am giving this to you."

"In The Gods Own Hands," I read the title out loud.

Lamb skin. The book was covered with lamb skin. No wonder it looked ancient, especially with a magnificently done engraving of the title and the author's name.

"Why would you give this to me?" I asked, looking at him who leaned against the bookshelf, arms crossed to his chest and eyes locked on me

"I know you love reading books, Lianne. Just like you were in the past. There is a book exactly like it that was given to you on your birthday in the past."

His words rang in my head like a warning signal. Then suddenly I noticed a brief flicker of light in the emerald stone of my necklace, the exact time I felt nauseous and lightheaded. My brows knotted hard, unsure on what to make of what I was feeling.

The room seemed to swirl round and round, and then I saw pictures in my head of me and an older woman, in a place that looked like a library. She was wishing me a happy birthday while I was opening gifts. The last gift I unwrapped was a book with the same title as the one I'm holding now, exactly just like Ruen said.

And then, the pictures ended with a white light. The next thing I knew I was back to reality with Ruen's worried face close to me, our lips close to touching.

My unconscious reflex kicked in and I jerked forward, pushing his face away. I almost lost my balance if not for him speedily helping me regain my footing by locking his arms around my waist.

"Are you alright, Lianne?" His voice sounded immensely concerned.

"Oh ye...yes, I'm...I'm fine. I just felt suddenly dizzy," was my meager reply.

"I'm sorry I startled you," he straightened me up and made sure I was standing freely on my own without the dizziness.

I awarded him a small smile. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. I was out of myself. I...I actually received some flashbacks again."

His brows twitched upon hearing it. Then, he looked to the side as if he was trying to calm himself down.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath so low that he thought I wouldn't notice, but I did and with that I gave him a worried look.

"What's wrong? Tell me," I urged.

Ruen returned his attention to me and gently cupped my face. "I'm just worried with you, Lianne. Could it be that remembering your past would take a toll on your health?"

"Oh," I tried to piece together the events that led to the now and somehow coldness crept up my face when I reached a conclusion, "it does seem so."

This time Ruen's gentle aura turned cold and I could see regret in his eyes.

"No, please, don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm strong," I quickly explained. For a moment there, I felt as if he'd back out on our agreement. "Ruen, tell me everything now," I requested.

He let out a heavy sigh and directed his eyes elsewhere but me.

"Please, I need to know. I need to understand my recurring dreams, the painting, the Since mansion, the pictures in my head, and why I feel as if I've lived a life before this with you."

Seconds later, he returned his attention to me and our eyes collided.

"I don't want to hurt you again, Lianne. I can't cause you pain anymore," his voice trembled. "There must be a reason why you have forgotten everything and it maybe because you wanted to forget the pain in the past. I don't want to relive that again to you."

"I care not!" I shook my head and clenched my hands into fists. "All these years I have always wondered why I exist; if this life of mine is real. Something has been calling me, pulling me, trying to tell me that I'm not just an ordinary woman of this age and time. Don't you think it is already too late to back out now?! I'm already in too deep. But the pictures in my head are still confusing me, Ruen. I need you to guide me. If you're worried with my health then help me remember."

Ruen's jaw stiffened when he heard me say it.

"Then would you be ready?" he asked.

"Yes, I know I am," I nodded and gave him the most stern look I could muster.

"No!" he quickly shouted, shaking his head vigorously.

He brushed his hair with his fingers, took a long deep breath, and then looked back at me. "What I'm trying to say is... are you ready. I will make love to you Lianne, until you gasp for air. I will make love to you, until you writhe in passion. I will make love to you, until you scream my name. I will make love to you, until you remember me. That's the only thing I know how to help you."

My eyes widened as he slowly elaborated the words.

My God. He looked serious just by the way he stared at me filled with raw passion.

My knees buckled and I slowly dropped down on the carpeted floor. He didn't support me. He just stood there, looking down at me with hard eyes.

Is he testing me?! He knows I haven't had any relationships with any man before I met him. He knows that that act alone, I'm innocent of.

"I know it's hard for you to decide so I'll give you time," he added. "I can't take away your virtue without your consent, Lianne. I can't have you think of me as a monster. I'm not Cain. But..."

His voice seemed to broke. I lifted me head up to see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"You also have the freedom to choose the right man for you. I can't say I'm that man but know this...I had never given up on loving you, in the past and even in this timeline. I love you, Lianne."

I searched for the sincerity in his eyes and there it was, swirling inside his brown-greens. I was but hypnotized with it...or maybe it was the fact that he had just declared his love to me. It literally took my breath away for a moment.

He walked out of the study to give me space. I took this alone time to munch over the facts; his words, his offer, my strong will to learn the truth, and if I'm that confident enough to undergo such passionate union between a man and a woman.

I remained the whole day in the study room, sitting in an available sofa chair, thinking of what he said.

At twelve noon, Jovan, Ruen's housekeeper with a receding hairline and faint wrinkles on his forehead, came in to give me lunch. I asked where his master was and the only thing he said was that Ruen went out for a drive. I gave him my thanks and continued to ponder on my final decision when I was alone again.

Decision.

My decision.

I knew I had to decide soon, but I found myself drifting to sleep as soon as the clock hit three in the afternoon.

***

I woke up to find myself back in the Since Mansion lying on my bed. Weird. I don't remember returning here. But as I scanned the room, I realized the furniture were different. They were much more classic in design.

It seemed that I was dreaming again...or more like under the flashbacks of memories that I now felt could be my own and not just hers.

Then I noticed a necklace hanging in an angel figurine beside my bed. It had an emerald stone in it just like what Cain gave me in the cabin. I reached for it, wanting to inspect it closer when at that moment, I realized I was actually naked under the bedcover.

I could feel my blood rushing quickly on my cheeks. 'What happened? Why am I naked?' I asked myself.

I held the cover close to my chest as I reached again to get the necklace. After examining it up in the air, I noticed that the mattress dipped at the empty side. I turned and saw Ruen smiling warmly at me, wearing a loose white trouser but with nothing on top.

"Good morning, Lianne," he greeted, giving me a fresh smile.

Despite confused as to his presence, I smiled back. "Good morning...Ruen."

My voice somehow sounded shy, like I was a teenage girl meeting her crush for the first time.

Ruen cupped my chin, while the other hand freely brushed the tangled part of my hair. He pulled me closer to him and without any hesitation, gave me a blissful morning kiss.

I didn't protest. I melted. I really did. Into his arms.

"Lianne, you are mine alone, and I, only yours. With such a tormented soul as mine, I doubt that I deserve you, but you have made me complete. Thank you for this wondrous morning," he stated close to my ear.

I immediately felt a quick pang of pain. Since I haven't remembered everything about us yet, I couldn't understand what he was saying, but the me in the flashback somehow eased and smiled at him.

"And you took all of my fears and pain away, Ruen, and for that, there is nothing that you do not have any right on," I said as I held his eyes on mine.

He placed the necklace on my neck and with a long lingering kiss on my nape, he ignited my slumbering desire.

"Ruen, kiss me," I requested without qualm and with one swift motion our lips locked and not a space was spared.

Our kiss deepened some seconds later and soon enough I was stripped of the bed sheet showing my naked self for him to behold and lavish.

Ecstasy.

That was what I felt the whole time we made love.

And I loved it. The feeling of his hands on my skin. His lips capturing mine with passion. And his burning desire on me enveloping my whole body.

It was pure ecstasy.

***

It was evening, probably six in the evening when I woke up. That dream slash flashback made my heart and body burn in need. I wanted to be touched, to be caressed, to be made love to just like the me in the flashback. I wanted Ruen to do so. I couldn't exactly say it but I just felt that if am to decide now, I know I will not regret it later.

Hurriedly, I went out of the study room and found Ruen already waiting for me in the open balcony of the living room; his gaze thick and arousing. My body reacted and it warmed up. Butterflies in my stomach turned to dragons, wrecking havoc inside me in the most delicious of ways.

"Do you want to go back to the mansion now?" he queried as I joined him in the balcony.

"No," I said and shook my head. I stopped in his front and placed a hand on his chest, feeling for the heavy thudding there. "I...haven't tried the Jacuzzi upstairs yet. I want to...try it."

I noticed a Jacuzzi in one of the bedrooms upstairs when I went there to find a shirt last night. My guess was, it was the Masters bedroom and I know for sure it was his room.

Surely, he understood what I meant.