How Does It Feel?
Nikki left a few hours ago. Sitting in my silence, in my thoughts, is making me go insane.
I sigh, turning my head, and then I see the tray on my desk. My breath catches, and I reach for it, placing it on my lap on the bed.
There’s a little sticky note beside the drink and my heart drops down to my stomach. Zaid’s handwriting is scribbled across the note.
You haven’t eaten. Please, love.
My chest lurches painfully. Why does e care? Why is he doing this if he just ripped my heart out?
I poke at the food half-heartedly at first. But one bite turns into two, then three, and suddenly I’m scarfing it down like I haven’t eaten in days.
Damn, I’m hungry. Starving.
The warmth of it settles in my belly, and then I’m too full to eat more.
There’s a knock at my door.
I drag myself out of bed with more effort than it should take. My legs are weak, stiff from being curled up for too long, and my head throbs with the ache of dehydration and exhaustion.
What if it’s Zaid? What do I say to him? What will he say to me?
My soul feels like it’s been turned inside out. I hate feeling on edge like this; is this what it’s going to be like for now?
But the knock comes again, gentler this time.
When I open the door, Aiden stands there, arms crossed, brow furrowed. He looks tired too. He tries to smile at me, but it comes out forced. I look over his shoulder to see if Zaid is there, or Jake. He’s alone.
His eyes watch me for a second before he speaks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
My mouth opens, but no words come.
He shifts his weight. “About your mom. About Jake. Everything. I had to hear it from Nikki. I had to see it on social media. Why didn’t you tell me? We were together all afternoon.”
I shrug, the guilt climbing my throat like bile. “I just, I wanted to feel normal. For the last time. Before everything exploded.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I hate them. I see it in his face, the flash of pain, the hurt. God, how selfish am I?
I shake my head. “I didn’t mean to hide it. I wasn’t trying to, I just thought it’d be easier. For you. For me. For everyone.”
Aiden’s lips press into a thin line. “It wasn’t easier for me having to hear it from Nikki.”
I grimace.
“She thought I knew.”
I swallow, nodding. “I should have told you.”
“Yeah, but that’s not new in our relationship, is it?” He sighs, shaking his head. “The cops are downstairs. They want to talk to you.”
“What?” My stomach drops. “Cops?”
He nods. “Two detectives. Your mom’s here too. With Jake.”
I push past him without another word.
Rage builds up in me as I descend the stairs. Sure enough, there they are two detectives in rumpled button-ups, standing in our living room. One of them wears a thick pair of glasses, but they’re otherwise pretty identical. No one’s talking, the silence awkward and tense.
My mother stands nearby, looking at Jake with a horrid expression, like she’s there to protect me from the bad man.
Jake stands there like a damn statue.
Aiden walks away from me; he doesn’t stand near me like Zaid always does when he knows I need more support. It kills me.
“You wanted to talk to me?” I say to the detectives.
The one without the glasses looks at me, giving me an awkward wave and a smile. “You’re Ms. Hanson?”
I nod, folding my arms across my chest.
“Well, I’m Detective Marcus Delaney and this is my partner, Detective Joel Hartman.”
I say nothing.
“Just had a few questions,” he says. “Trying to understand what’s going on here.”
“Nothing’s going on here.”
Joel frowns and looks at my mother. “Your mother called us on allegations of grooming and domestic abuse.”
I snort. “My mother?”
The detectives look at eath other like I’m the insane one here.
“You know she’s been in Italy for the past three months.”
Marcus takes in a slow breath and jots something down on his notepad.
“You know she’s an alcoholic, too, right?”
They keep their expressions still. Jake shifts, looking at me with curious eyes. Aiden wants to smile, but he’s holding it back. My mother, however, does not stay quiet.
She smiles sweetly at Joel. “Oh, these kids. They don’t know much.”
Marcus shoots her a questioning glare. “In my two decades on this job, I’ve rarely found that to be true, Mrs. Matthews.”
I bite down, keeping my eyes on the detectives. “I’m not a child. I’m a legal adult. I have been ever since we stepped foot in Arizona.”
The two men shift, clearly uncomfortable.
“Well, this sounds a bit messy. I’m not entirely sure why we’re here,” Joel mutters.
I give a bitter laugh. “Yeah. A messy life isn’t a crime, though. Is it?”
They look at each other. Marcus sighs. “Look, from what we can tell, there’s no reportable offense here. No signs of abuse. No assault.”
My mother scoffs, stepping closer to the detectives. “He’s fucking my daughter! My husband is fucking my daughter!”
Joel and Marcus turn to Jake, then to me. Joel is the first to speak. “Ma’am, you have a cheating husband and a messed up relationship with your daughter. There’s really not much we can do.”
Jake shifts uncomfortably but says nothing, of course.
I cross my arms tighter.
Marcus reaches for me, a card in his hand. “I’ll leave you our card. If anything changes, let me know. But right now, there’s just nothing criminal here.”
They leave a few moments later. The door clicks shut behind them, and the silence they leave in their wake feels too loud.
“You manipulative, heartless bastard!” She screams.
Jake doesn’t flinch. He just sighs.
“I want a divorce!” she shrieks, pointing a shaking finger at him.
Jake doesn’t even look at her. He shrugs. “Of course we’re getting a fucking divorce. But we signed a prenup, Diana. You’re not getting a cent.”
Tears spring to her eyes instantly, and I see the moment she realizes it’s over. She won’t be able to lounge her time away in Italy anymore. She turns to me and I see a flash of pain, but it doesn’t look like losing me in this means that much to her.
“How does it feel?” she spits. “To be with a man who married your mother just to trap you in his house?”
My stomach twists, bile rising in my throat. I’ve always known that to be partly true, so why is it hurting so much now?
She looks back at Jake with a shake of her head. “That’s disgusting.”
I want to laugh at her, but that would only make her act more the victim. “Get the fuck out.”
Her eyes widen. She storms off, the front door slamming behind her.
“Is that true?”
I whip around. Zaid is standing halfway down the stairs, arms crossed, eyes pinned to Jake.
Jake doesn’t say anything.
Zaid takes a step down. “I always knew the marriage was for convenience. I thought it was something the board pushed on you. They wanted a respectable image. A family man. But it wasn’t for the company, was it? You married her to be closer to Alina?”
The silence that follows is louder than the screams my mother made.
Jake doesn’t deny it. Doesn’t explain. He just looks at Zaid.
My heart breaks all over again.
I can’t bear it. I run.
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