Liza's Decision

Liza had been nervous all day. She had been second guessing her decision and now as she looked at herself in the mirror all dressed up, she still wasn't sure if she was making the right choice. Liza suddenly wished that there was an on and off switch for the feelings. It would have been so much easier for her, had she been numb, she would have left Jonathan easily without a moment of hesitation but since she still had feelings for him, she had to suffer now. Liza hated being so conflicted. It was difficult not to second guess herself when her heart was on line.

Liza had been through so much pain and she didn't want to be in pain anymore. It would be difficult and too painful for her to leave Jonathan and it would hurt her too much to stay with Jonathan too. There was no choice that would be painless for her. By choosing to stay with Jonathan her confidence, her self- respect and her values would be compromised but by leaving Jonathan her heart would be ripped apart.

Liza looked at the clock, it read 6:00 pm. Liza had very less time left. She was getting antsier as every second passed bringing her closer to the moment that held the power to break her. She couldn't believe, she was about to do it. Sure, she had played with the idea of doing it but she had never been sure. Jonathan was her first love. The only person she had truly trusted with her heart. Liza had bared her soul in front of him, to see her strengths, weaknesses and insecurities and it would hurt too much too leave him now. Liza decided to call Alex, he was the only person who could calm her down and stop her from backing out.

Liza heard the phone ring, two or three times, when Alex picked up the phone. "Hello" Alex's soothing voice spoke from the other end. "Hey, Alex “she said.

"What happened Liz? Why are you crying?" he asked. Liza hadn't realized that her voice had gotten scratchy and sounded as if she had been just crying. She touched her cheek and realized that she indeed was crying. She had been so nervous about her decision that she hadn't even paid attention to her own tears.

"Liz? You there?" Alex asked.

Liza wiped her tears and spoke "Yeah, can you come over to my house? I just need a friend right now." Liza asked "Of course Liz, I will be over in five minutes." Alex replied.

"Okay" Liza said and hung up the phone.

Alex drove as fast as he could. He hated hearing Liza cry especially over Jonathan. He hadn't even met the man and he hated him with a burning passion. Alex stopped the car in front of Liza's house and rushed to the door. He knocked twice on the beautiful wooden door and waited. He was about to knock again, when Liza opened the door. Liza looked beautiful, but then again Liza always looked beautiful. She wasn't a conventional beauty but she had an aura around her which radiated warmth, giving her a beautiful glow. When he looked closely he could see the dark circles around her eyes and there was also a little redness in them indicating that she had been crying.

Instead of inviting Alex in, Liza hugged him taking him by surprise. She wrapped her arms around him tightly as she buried her head in his shoulder. After a few seconds of stunned silence, Alex realized that she was shaking lightly and the wetness on her shoulder unfroze him. He soothingly patted her and ran his hand along her back, trying to calm her down "Shh... Liz. I am here now. Don't cry, you know how much I hate it when you cry... Tell me what happened." Liza stepped out from her embrace and tugged his hand silently leading him in. When they were in the house Liza broke down and told him everything from the letter Jonathan had written to the decision.

Alex didn't like to see Liza cry, but he knew that it was an important and tough decision to Liza and that she would have to make this decision for herself. "Liz, whatever you do know that I am always there to support you. I won't stop you from leaving Jonathan and neither will I stop you from going back to him." he said.

Liza looked at him and she knew that she will always have Alex as her friend. She looked at the clock and it read 6:55 "Come on Alex, drive me to my destination. I don't want to be late" Liza said with a light smile. Alex looked at her and saw a kind of fire in her eyes, he knew that there was no turning back now.

Jonathan stood gazing at the spot he had first tried to propose to Liza and what a horrible try it had been. Now the spot looked beautiful, as fairy lights hung on the tree lighting the space up. A small white table sat under the tree. It was covered with a white table cloth. A single rose stood in the clear glass vase which was placed in the middle of the table. He had brought Liza's favorite pizza. Jonathan prayed for Liza to like it. He hoped that Liza had read his letter and had decided to give him a second chance.

He didn't know what he would do if Liza rejected him. He loved her. He had loved her, ever since he had first seen her talking to Alice. She was beautiful, kind and way out of his league. He had never been good enough for her and he had proved it by cheating on her. It was wrong and dirty and even though the thing he had with Stacy had been going on only for 5-6 months, it had destroyed his 6 year old relationship. He wished he had never kissed Stacy. It killed him to wait for Liza. The watch on his hand ticked like a time bomb that he knew was bound to explode. He looked down at his watch, it read 7:00 pm. He perked up in anticipation. Liza would be here any minute now.

Liza stepped out of the car. "Call me when this is all over. I want to know everything." Alex said, Liza nodded. "You know what you are doing, right?" Alex asked

"Yeah, it is the best for me. I can't be in pain anymore and resisting it will only increase pain and hurt." Liza said.

"Okay, I will see you when I see you" Alex said and hugged her before releasing her. Liza smiled and laced a kiss on his cheek

"Thank you for supporting me" she said and left.

The blinking light in the car read 7:15 pm.

Liza was never late. Jonathan was starting to get worried. Liza hadn't showed up and an hour later Jonathan was getting restless. He abandoned the spot where he had set up the table and drove straight to the house. He entered the house, it was eerily silent. Jonathan had this gut feeling telling him that something big was about to happen, something that would change his life. He knocked on Liza's room but he got no answer. He knocked again and the door opened. He went inside. The room was in perfect condition, with lingering fragrance of Liza's perfume. Liza's luggage was absent, he walked over and opened the cupboard, and it was empty. He closed his eyes and attempted to wake up from this nightmare.

"This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening" he chanted to himself. He opened his eyes, hoping that he would find himself back at park waiting for Liza. He felt his heart sink as he saw the empty room. He couldn't believe that Liza had left him. He had imagined many possible outcomes of this evening but Liza leaving him, without a word was not one of them. He sat down, leaning his back against the wall. He felt numb. He couldn't even feel the pain. Suddenly the brightly lit room felt darker and colder. He looked around the room, once again. Hoping to find something that would assure him that Liza was not really gone. There was nothing in the room to tell him otherwise.

He hated himself more than anything. He had driven Liza away. He had lost her forever. He didn't know what he would do tomorrow. He had never felt more broken and alone. He sat there staring at the empty closet, with tears streaming down his face as the world faded away in front of his eyes.

Liza sat in her seat and buckled her seat belt as the pilot announced that they were about to take off. She looked out of the window. She took in a deep breath. She had made many happy memories in this city but she had also experienced pain. It hurt to leave Jonathan behind, to know that she will never see him again, never kiss him and never breathe in his comforting smell. He had been her home. She had loved him for so long that he had become one of her basic needs.

Even after his betrayal she had loved him and now letting him go was proving to be most difficult thing she ever had to do. But she had to do it. She became something she was not, a doormat. She had let him walk over her for too long. She loved him and knew that he loved her too, but sometimes love wasn't enough to rebuild lost trust. She needed to leave Jonathan, to discover herself. She was strong, she knew it. She had spent too much time worrying that she won't be enough for Jonathan and trying to be everything for him, now she needed to realize her own dreams. She needed to do this for herself. So, Liza took one last look at the city as the plane took off, leaving behind all the heartbreak, pain and Jonathan