Chapter 95: Realization

Basil had finished the bottle of whiskey all of an hour after waking up screaming His entire body ached from the day's work but his guilt and confusion woke him. Yet another dream about Laura. How many did that make now? Too many.
He got out of bed and went into the antechamber where a fresh bottle of whiskey sat waiting for him. He opened the bottle ignoring the glass beside it and began to drink. The alcohol burned on his way down, but he knew so long as he drank enough of it the burn would dull the other ache in his chest. The bottle was half empty when he decided it was too hot in his room. He left, staggering down the corridor and the stairs. He barely missed falling over himself going to reach the ground floor. Then, he let his feet take him where they always took him after every dream about Laura: the graveyard.
The paths had been swept recently. He supposed the graveyard attendants had taken note that he was spending more of his nights here and made sure to clean up frequently. He came to a stop in front of the tombstone he was looking for, plain and understated in its elegance just like her.
*Laura Hamiltion.*
The bouquet of roses was just as fresh as the last time he'd come. How long ago had that been? A few days? The grave had settled a little more and been refilled again. The scent of loose dirt and stone wafted up from the grave, fresh and haunting. Had it truly been so long since she was found dead?
*Her green eyes were dead, staring out of her bruised face. Her dress was torn and wet, clinging to her still form. He had felt a jolt of something in his chest and quickly covered the body with the sheet.*
*“Just bury her in the graveyard if her parents don’t reply.”*
He winced at how callous those words seemed now. Maybe he should reserve a part of his monthly spending budget to get her a better headstone, but it didn’t seem right. The attendant he’d put in charge of burying her had picked well.
What was he doing here again?
It was a stupid thing to be here. He was married to a woman his wolf hated, though he'd been so certain that Delia was his mate. Laura was dead and no matter how many times he came to her grave, she would never speak to him again. There was no reviving the dead, not in any good way. Hadn’t he learned that from years of wishing to meet his mother?
*"Now, get out of my castle."* His voice hissed in his memory.
The memory of her teary eyes sent another bolt of pain through his chest, regret and grief.
"Come back," he slurred as he dropped to the ground and his eyes started to burn. He growled. "What were you thinking running into the forest like that? Some wife you were! Dying like that? Some luna. Are you happy? Huh?..."
This wasn't new. He started talking to Laura's grave the first night he started trying to drink himself back to sleep. He knew by morning he'd be pissed with a splitting headache. I'm exhausted but he didn't care. his uncles would make him work just like always and it wouldn't bother him so long as he did as he was supposed to.
He growled at her tombstone, "Didn't you *think* it was dangerous going out into the forest like that?"
He chuckled and looked up at the sky, " Must think it's funny … hmm? Seeing me like this? “
He swooned and slumped, placing his head on his knees. Her voice was swirling through his head, soft and sure, tentative and placating at times, stern and frustrated at others.
He should have listened to her. How different things would be if he had? If he had just thought a little harder and asked more questions. If he had cared more about her she would still be here.
“You were right… all that time and you kept trying to tell me, but I didn't want to listen… I was too proud. I saw so little in you because it made it easier.” he sniffled, “I wanted to see less in you because it made me comfortable.”
Her intelligence had intimidated him. She was nothing like the common women he'd been told about by the ministers. She’d been more noble and dignified than many women he’d met in the court. She’d been telling him for years that the ministers, his grandfather included, didn't have his best interest at heart. Telling him for years that there was more to being royal than doing as he pleased. She had been trying to make him better through her words and actions, but he wouldn't let her.
"I'm so sorry, Laura…"

She almost thought she heard wrong, but he said it again.
“I'm so sorry, Laura.”
It dawned on her that she should feel something seeing him like this. Before she died, Laura would have been overjoyed to hear these words. She had longed for the day Basil would have said these things to her, yet she felt nothing.
"I loved you."
His tears meant nothing to her.
"I needed you."
His sniffling and begging meant nothing to her. She wasn’t sure if she was overjoyed or just relieved.
"I should have been better to you."
Was this how he felt dismissing her all those nights ago?
"C-Come back…" he gassed. “ Please, come back…”
“ she's never coming back.”
Basil turned sharply, startled by her voice, and stared up at her.
“What are you doing here?”
“What good was it to apologize now?” She asked, “What good will your apology do for the dead?”
“Leave me alone you wouldn't understand.”
“ I think I understand perfectly the concept of regret and how sometimes it comes too late.” Laurel said and looked at the headstone, *“Was it worth it?”*
The question struck something in him unearthing a memory he didn't want to remember.
Laura's green eyes had been full of fury though she remained perfectly still. He had barged in her office about the orchard, furious that she was derailing his plans for the area. The area had been perfect for a leisure area for him and the ministers, but she had already claimed it legally using the backing of the generals who were still stationed in the capital. It had been a sly move, a stroke of genius planning and cunning that they couldn’t circumvent.
He’d been furious.
They argued, or rather she tried to explain her reasoning and he tried to shout her down into agreeing.
“I am the prince! You will do as I say! Repeal this!”
The glint of defiance sparked in her eyes, “...No.”
Basil glared at her, “Don't think just because we're married I can't get rid of you. Repeal it!”
She said nothing, meeting his gaze calmly almost with disinterest. Perhaps she had already figured out then that he had no reason to divorce her and he knew it wouldn't be the best idea, even if he wanted to get rid of her and her smug intelligence.
He grabbed the pages on her desk, ripping them to shreds as he yelled. He’d been so sure that they were something she needed. He figured they were plans for the orchard, receipts and order forms for seeds and labor. Maybe they were lists of needs from the military.
She didn’t speak, just watching him shred every piece of paper on her desk. Looking back on it, he felt ridiculous like a child throwing a tantrum.
“ I don't suppose you'll be able to do much without your papers. Problem solved!”
“Those were the plans for your birthday party,” she said. “Including the treasury document regarding how much was to be spent.”
“What?”
“By starting the orchard, I will be cutting down on some of the kitchen’s budget. I was able to shift the budget a bit more, so you could have a larger celebration.”
Basil wanted to be furious, but he couldn't speak. She had been fighting him and what he wanted for his twenty-fifth birthday for weeks.
“Why didn't you say anything? How could you just let me--”
“Was it worth it?” She asked. “To try and hurt me to get your way, just to shoot yourself in the foot in the end?”
He didn't speak to her for weeks after that, yet his birthday was exactly what he’d wanted. He never even thanked her.
“You seem to always be shooting yourself in the foot,” Laurel said.
"Laura?" Basil asked, barely breathing around the tightness in his chest. "You are Laura! You came back to me!"
He stood on shaky legs to go to her, tripped, and fell at her feet.
"Laura, please…" She stepped back, avoiding his touch. "Please. I'm sorry!"
He scrambled after her but he couldn't catch her. He got to his knees when he felt a dark and furious presence nearby.
He turned and found two glowing, red eyes watching him from the darkness.
"Father?"