57- Regrets and Forgiveness

I looked at his pleading gaze, unable to give an answer to him. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and his begging attempts to shorten the distance that I had created after getting his betrayal.

I looked away for a second before gathering the courage and my eyes came back to him, "I... I understand that you have been trying to come close to me, Liam. Really... I see that you try to do everything to come close to me at every chance but..." I gulped down and sighed as sadness covered my words, "I am also trying. It was never easy for me to see you in front of my eyes every day and walk away but every time I look at you, I don't feel anything else but fear."

Liam's eyes moved away from me, his feet shifting from one to another a bit as I felt him getting uncomfortable at my statement. His face had darkened and I could see him trying to control his wolf and keep it calm. But thankfully he did not stop me from talking.

"Liam, look at me," I whispered at turned his face towards mine. I needed him to believe that everything I was saying came from my heart. I did not want to hurt him, but I could not lie either.

His gaze did not turn to me, although his hands were holding mine in a tight grasp, his eyes were looking in far distance sideways. I lifted my hand and put it on the side of his face, turning it to me,

"You did what your heart wanted. I can not blame you for going after what you desired for so long and then not wanting to leave it when it was right in your hands. Perhaps... perhaps you did not want anything else in that moment or your feelings towards me were not as strong as they should have been."

"That is not..." Liam instantly spoke out but I shook my head and stopped him,

"Let me finish, alright? I do not think I will be able to say it ever again but today I am going to tell you everything that is in my heart that I have been suppressing since the day you chose your engagement over me."

He looked hesitant and frustrated but he nodded his head in acceptance. His face had turned a bit red and I knew he was feeling ashamed as well as the fear that I was going to leave him. I knew him. I knew how his heart worked and I knew how much it was hurting him because it hurt my heart as well. But he would never know the pain I had felt for months until I tell him. It was time to face the reality, for both of us.

"You tried to get back with me two times and each time I was betrayed by you brutally. Just imagine the pain I had felt I found out you were engaged, and then you got back with me only to betray again and marry that person in front of my eyes. I just can not forget that how easy it was for you to leave me and walk away. Every time I look at you, and my feelings towards you change from fear to love, I back down again because I am afraid that when you can do that to me two times, it will not be hard for you to do it again."

Liam was facing me but his head was dropped low, hiding from me. As I stopped speaking, he took a few moments before I saw his eyes that had tears in them. I felt hurt at seeing his eyes filled with tears. I had never seen him cry. It was so hard for me to control myself from crossing the distance of one step to him and hug, try to take away the pain I had inflicted myself.

"Eva," his voice was rough, "I am no longer going to give the excuse of being under influence or being under the greed of alpha position. I know it was both of them that brought me to see this day, to leave you behind. But I am trying to rectify that. I am accepting that every little bit of that happened was my fault. It was my fault for leaving you, for making the choices I foolishly made, and then accepting everything that came to me. But I promise that I will not do it ever again. I know I don't have anything without you in my life. I am nothing without you and Rush. I don't want to lose this love between us."

His hand was clutching mine tightly, and then as he stopped to take a breath, he dropped down on his knees in front of me, making my hand fall from his cheek but then getting engulfed by his other hand. Please give me one last chance. I am begging you."

I took a shuddering breath in, in order to not break down in front of him. My heart was in turmoil. My gaze lifted up from Liam's head only to collide with Rush's gaze. He was standing a bit away from us silently. As I looked at him, he gave me a small smile, silently telling me that whatever decision I was going to make, he was going to be alright with it, no matter what.

I took my hand out of Liam's tight grasp, his fist tightened in order to not lose mine but I then loosened after a second. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes, and softly said,

"I will try."

Liam's head lifted up to look at me, his gaze staring up at me with hope in his eyes, "You will give me another chance?"

I looked at Rush before my eyes went back to Liam's hopeful ones. I was angry with him, disappointed and frustrated, but there was a long life ahead of me and Rush and Liam and I did not want to lose everything that was in store for me with both of them because of the things that had happened under the influence of Aster's magic and Liam's long wanted desire. If I had wanted something since my childhood, and then gotten it in my hands, maybe I had reacted the same way, or maybe I would not have. There was so much confusion, so much pain behind the suffering of months and if I could have a happy future with both of them after giving my forgiveness one more time, maybe it will not be a bad thing.

"I will try to do that. To forget the past and move on." I said gently.

A smile took over Liam's lips immediately, but before he could say anything, his collar was grabbed by Rush from behind, lifting him up in and then taking him under a one shoulder hug or more like choke hold while saying,

"And if you do anything stupid one more time, keep this in your pea sized brain that Eva and I will leave you forever. No questions asked, no excuses given. You hear me?"

Liam laughed a bit and nodded his head in approval, "I can even sign my suicide note if you want and sign it so you can murder me before leaving."

At his words, Rush started laughing and gave him a sharp slap on his back. I also smiled a little. It had been months since I had seen Liam so happy in front of my eyes. The last time I had seen him smile so genuinely was when I had forgotten everything of past and Rush had been in a coma. We were happy then. He had made me happy. He had taken care of me and had never made me feel like an invalid who needed him for support or who he was enduring like a weight. He had done everything that kept me happy, he had been the perfect boyfriend and I wanted those days back. Just thinking about it brought a smile to my face.

Once Liam had managed to free himself out of Rush's tight hold, he stepped towards me and bent down to come face to face with me before saying, "I promise, I will not give you a reason to regret it. I will love you till my last breath."

A blush came on my cheek that I tried to hide and gave him a small smile, "Okay."

****

"Where are you going?" Liam's voice stopped me as I walked towards my bedroom. We had had dinner in the living room a while back while watching a horror movie. I was scared shitless. How the hell did people made such movies and slept soundly at night? I was still having eyes wide open nightmarish shudders thinking about the scenes of that movie.

At Liam's question, I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look at him with confusion in my eyes, "Uh... sleep?"

Liam looked behind me at the open bedroom door before turning around and looking at Rush. Something passed between them with secret eyes movement before he turned back to face me and walked forward until he was standing right in front of me,

"You can not sleep tonight."

I gasped and instantly covered my chest, taking a step back and looking at him doubtfully, "HEY!"

A snicker left Liam's lips while stepped forward, right into my personal space, bent down, and whispered in a seductive voice, "what? Something wrong?"

I cleared my throat as I felt my cheeks getting hot, "I... it is too early."

"What?" Rush walked towards us before lifting his arm and resting it on Liam's shoulder and saying, "is it too early to sleep? We think so too."

"NO!" I shouted and shifted a bit back so I could clear my head of all the dirty images that were running wild in my little brain, "I... I mean I am not... I am not ready... to do THAT yet with Liam."

"You can not do what with him, baby?" Rush asked innocently and looked at Liam and then back at me.

I gritted my teeth and started saying, "Listen here you both horny..."

Liam cut me off in the middle and smiled, "I was just saying that you can not sleep in your room tonight."

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion at his statement as he continued, "Remember you had gone all wet in the room and made the room get covered in dirt and water? How are you going to sleep there?"

The blush on my cheek darkened. Even though I knew both of them were teasing me, but the reminder of spending a hot and heavy night with both of them was literally too much for my little heart and throbbing nether region.

"What were you thinking when I said you can not sleep tonight, Eva?" Liam asked in a gentle, most innocent voice possible in the world, "what ran through your little brain?"

He then bent down more towards the side of my neck and as his lips almost touched my earlobe, he whispered, "you are already thinking ahead from me, right?"

I got flustered instantly as his breath touch my ears, shooting tingles down to my spine and the rest of the parts that definitely did not need them.

I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back, forcing him to give a wicked grin and step back a little, "My room should not be that bad." I stuttered, "it.. a bit of water on the floor will not hurt me. I am going to sleep. Good night."

The words left hurriedly from my mouth like a train was running late and I needed to catch it. And as soon as I stopped speaking I turned around ready to make a dash out of the hall when a set of arms came around me, slipping over my shoulders, going over my breasts, and then slipping down to my waist and hips before finally lifting me up in those arms.

As I was out of the shock of feeling the touch, I lifted my gaze to find Rush striding with me in his arms towards the room where Liam slept. "The bed is all wet as well because you sat on it. We can not sleep there tonight."

"But..."

"No buts. I can not sleep on a wet bed. It will either give chills or smell. So let's take a break tonight and sleep in the other room."

I pouted and looked away. I knew they had both decided already and since it was two votes against a very weak, halfhearted one, they were going to win.

For the first time since we had shifted to this house, I stepped inside Liam's room. I had never even attempted to peek inside the room because I had been trying to maintain my distance from him. As I entered inside the room with Rush lifting me in his arms, I glanced around the room with eager eyes.

The room was painted with cream color and with a dash of black here and there on spots and highlights and curtains. The bed was on the other side of the door against the wall.

As Rush lowered me down from his arms, my gaze focused on the walls of the room. There were not many pictures or sceneries, but however many three or four photos that were hanging on the wall or were on the dressing table were all of mine and Rush's and all three of us. My heart softened a bit as I looked at the memories covering the room.

"The bed is a big one." Liam smiled happily and showed it to me while stretching his arm with a big smile on his face proudly, like he had won a trophy, "look. Don't worry. There will not be any discomfort."

I looked at him and I wanted to laugh out loud, but then clearing my throat I rolled my eyes and walked away, occupying the right corner of the bed and announcing, "I will be sleeping here. Please don't disturb me."

I waited to hear sounds of objections but to my shock none of them said anything. My eyes went up to look at them only to find them staring at each other. And god... I knew whenever they looked at each other, it was not a good sign for me.

Fumbling instantly I pulled the cover from the bed, slipping inside instantly and turning my back to the rest of the bed. My body was laying at the very edge of the bed in an attempt to sleep as far away from them as possible. Although I did not know if it was going to work or not. I needed to give my best at least. Right?

I waited for a few minutes while holding my breaths for the trouble. But to my surprise, I did not hear anything or feel anything. Then I heard Liam say, "I am going to go change. Get your clothes and change as well and then let's sleep."

My eyebrows shot up at his words. What was I hearing? Had both of them turned to monk all of a sudden? And why the hell was I feeling so disappointed?

I groaned out in frustration without leaving a sound and covered my face with the blanket, Hiding myself in completely.

There was no sound for several minutes and I had started dozing off. My eyes were covered with darkness and I was about to fall asleep when I felt the bed dip beside me. The sensation interrupted my sleep a little but I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep.

The bed moved a bit again before the lights got switched off and the room got covered in complete darkness.

"Rush?" Liam's voice came in the dark while I felt some shuffling.

I thought they were going to try and hold me but none of them even touched me. Honestly, I was upset more than being satisfied.

"Yeah?" Rush responded without missing a beat.

"Since Eva is fast asleep at the other end of the whole bed, don't you think it is her literal invitation to us to let us do whatever we want on the bed tonight?"

My eyes snapped open so fast, I had a blind spot for a few seconds before my brain calmed down.

"I think so." Rush said as some more shuffling started and the bed moved, "it would not be wise to wake her up. So I think it is going to be only you and me tonight."

As soon as his words ended, I heard the sound of heavy kissing. Gosh, what the hell were they trying to do? I was no longer even sure if they were teasing me or were serious about this.

As the sounds of kissing turned heavier, making me feel like an intruder at an intimate scene who was getting turned on by hearing the sounds of porno, I shot up from my bed and flipped my head to face them, my eyes shooting daggers in their direction in the dark room that I was hoping they could see.

"Oh... did we wake you, Eva?" Rush's grin covered his handsome face under the moonlight falling through the window while his abs shined under the light, "interested in joining the night exercise, baby?"

I pressed my lips before huffing out a frustrated sigh and pushing my hand through the mess of tangles on my head, "I am trying to sleep! Stop doing it!"

"Stop doing what?"

I growled and gritted through clenched teeth, "stop screwing with me!"

Liam snickered and put both of his behind his head in a fold while his legs fell on other showing me his perfect abs and muscular thighs covered in nothing but a black boxer, "you gave us the opening and now you are backing out? What are two young, beautiful, handsome, horny people going to do while laying on a bed together? Sleep?"

Hearing his words I looked up at the ceiling wondering why in the hell had I even agreed to come back from that fucking suicidal ship. Once I was done contemplating the chances of being able to run out of the room, which came back zero, by the way, I got on my knees and made my way between their two muscular bodies.

Pushing each of them on abs with however much power my little hands could muster, I managed to make way for myself and get sandwiched between their bodies.

"Sleep. And let me sleep." I ordered in a stern voice, hoping it came out as strong as I was trying to appear while my heart thumped hard in my chest.

"Partypooper." Liam groaned, though there was a clear sound of laughter in his words.

And then as the night drifted away, two arms silently made their ways on my waist and hip, engulfing me within the arms of my lovers.