Chapter 37: Move-in Mistake

With Tom busy working on his development project for Ruby’s land, Roxanne decided to try a new hobby. Tom suggested yoga to calm her and sent over a personal instructor.
Layla, a thin woman in her 40s who could bend and twist like a piece of chewing gum, breezed in with her yoga mat one afternoon. In Tom’s dining room, she started to show Roxanne some basic positions. Roxanne practiced reaching out her arms and keeping her hips straight, Layla instructing her into each pose.
“It’s important to take good breaths in pre-natal yoga,” Layla said, bending over and practically touching her head to the floor.
Roxanne knew the practice was supposed to be relaxing, but she couldn’t seem to find her zen. Instead, she worried about her former construction crew who were out of work.
“Release your thoughts. Be in the moment. Reach down to touch your toes,” Layla said. Roxanne did as instructed, bending over, elongating her body. She wondered about how she could get her old building project back on track. Tom’s lawyer warned them not to meddle, telling them she was handling his arrest and legal case.
Roxanne tried to stretch and relax, but every time she leaned over, her stomach felt like it wanted to empty its contents. Her body remained tight, not allowing Roxanne to contort the way Layla demonstrated. Frustrated, she wanted to give up.
Near the end of the session, in warrior stance, Roxanne felt strong, like she could fight against the injustices Baxter had caused. Now that they’d handled things with the loan shark, she could concentrate on finding her revenge against Baxter.
Her favorite part of yoga was lying on the floor on her side, relaxing after all the stretching and pretzel-like shapes Layla tried to get Roxanne to make with her body. She knew that taking care of her body and the baby inside her should be her priority, but she couldn’t let go of her resentment toward Baxter.
“You need to work on releasing your tension,” Layla said as she rolled up her mat.
“Thanks, but I’m new to this.”
“There are going to be a lot of new things with the baby. Embrace the new,” Layla said as if she were a calm, wise sage.
What Roxanne wanted to do was go investigate or shoot some targets or play some pool, but Tom pleaded with Roxanne to stop those things – at least for the time being. She could tell that it was going to be a long eight months.
As Layla left, Roxanne noticed a large box sitting outside the front door. “Ooh, it’s the crib,”
She and Tom had picked it out online. Now that Tom had been encouraging Roxanne to try some soothing pre-natal activities that were anything but calming, Roxanne wanted to see how much Tom had learned from her construction tips.
When Tom came home later that afternoon, Roxanne handed him a hammer and screwdriver and told him they needed to get to work. He tried to kiss her belly and tell her how much he missed her, yet, Roxanne didn’t want to waste any more time.
“I tried yoga. It wasn’t exactly my thing,” she said.
“It takes some time. I read peaceful activities are good for the baby.” Roxanne rolled her eyes.
“You know what else is good for a baby?” she asked. “A safe place to sleep.” She handed Tom the instructions for the crib. “I tried yoga for you, now it’s your turn to do something new.”
Tom took the instructions and squinted at them while sitting on the floor of the room they had designated as the nursery. He pointed to a part on the page, “What’s it saying?” He asked Roxanne.
“You need to screw that in first.” She took a piece of wood from the box and pointed to one of the holes.
He started assembling some pieces together, while Roxanne headed to the bathroom. When she returned, she could tell he put together one of the pieces backward. Tom’s face looked exasperated as he, again, sought clarification from the instructions.
“You need to screw that in there,” Roxanne showed him one of the pieces.
“Why don’t you do it?”
“I could, but then you’d never learn.”
He turned back to the instructions, realizing he wasn’t going to win that argument with her.
“How about we go out for a nice dinner? I can get someone to finish this later,” he said.
“Uh-uh,” Roxanne shook her head. “Your baby. You build the crib. Remember, I’m not going to let you buy your way out of every tough situation.” She sat in the rocker in the corner with her arms crossed.
A pained looked passed Tom’s face as he picked up an Allen wrench. He continued turning the screws in the wooden boards of the crib. When Tom realized he had attached the headboard the wrong way, he threw the wrench in frustration.
Even though she didn’t like seeing Tom upset, she enjoyed watching his emotion. He really cared about doing a good job, but she couldn’t let him flounder anymore.
“Here, I’ll help.” Roxanne took the lead and unfastened the screws where needed, assembling various parts with Tom turning screws until the crib was built.
They stood and looked at the empty bed, satisfied with their handiwork.
“I hope raising a child isn’t as hard as putting together this crib,” Tom said. He draped his arm around Roxanne’s shoulder.
“It won’t be if we do it together,” she said. “I’m sorry for trying to make you do it all on your own, but you can’t try to change me either. I like exercise that includes punching and kicking as opposed to stretching and balancing.”
“Let’s make a new deal, then,” Tom said, hugging his arms around her waist. “I’ll give you some space to do the things you want, even if I think they aren’t particularly maternal, and together we do the child rearing.”
“There’s just one more thing,” Roxanne said.
“What?” Tom asked.
“Well, I haven’t pressured you about it, but I mean – we – it’s all been so great, staying here. Besides the yoga,” Roxanne rolled her eyes. “And I want to thank you for that. But we never really had a conversation about it.”
“About what exactly?” Tom asked.
“Moving in together?” Roxanne asked, scrunching her face.
“Oh,” Tom looked a little surprised. “Yeah, that.”
His hesitation made Roxanne regret asking the question.
“Now that I don’t need any security…?” she asked, trying to gauge how Tom felt about their arrangement.
“You can go back to your apartment if that’s what you want.” Tom hesitated. “Then you can have your space – for kickboxing or whatever.” He turned away.
“Sure,” Roxanne said toward his back, wishing he’d look at her so she could read his face. She didn’t want her own space. She wanted to be with Tom.
“I guess I’ll drive you home?” he asked, still not looking at her.
“Yeah, home,” she said. She thought about screaming at him, telling him she wanted to stay and make his house her home. Of course she needed her own space, but she meant a closet or her own dresser, and her choice of hobbies – not living away from Tom since the baby.
She wanted Tom to ask her, beg her, plead with her to stay. When he didn’t, Roxanne rode to her place in Tom’s SUV in silence, and walked into her dark apartment – alone.