Chapter 18: Truth

**Lena**

I say goodbye to James and Jasper, wrapping them in an awkward hug before I turn to leave. “Don’t be a stranger now,” James purrs, his voice as smooth as rusty nails scraping against a chalkboard. I force a tight lipped smile as a current of nausea surges, I wish I had it in me to vomit on him right now. “Let us know if you change your mind. We’re going to check out the jet skis and parasailing for tomorrow. The five of us need to make more memories while we're still in paradise!” Jasper adds with a wink, and the gesture stings more than it should, silently weighing on my guilty conscience. The thought of revealing what happened with Chase last night to Jordan and Katie looms over me like turbulent storm clouds. Clouds that are about to release a torrential downpour on me if I don't vacate the premises, and quickly! I wave at James and Jasper before entering the elevator, hoping they can’t see through my facade as the doors close. I sigh a breath of relief, but the quiet hum of the pulley does little to drown out the chaos in my head. I grip the railing tightly, my heart pounding as I move up, each floor confirming that I’m walking the plank right to my certain death. With every passing second, the weight of my secret becomes more unbearable. What will they say, will they judge me, will our friendship be over after I admit my infidelity? Stop being dramatic Lena! Muster up the courage and tell them the truth, then we'll tell Jasper next.

Pushing the door open, I step in the suite to find Katie and Jordan sprawled on a velvet teal couch. Her room is similar to Jasper and mine, but it's smaller and the color scheme holds more dark green and teal notes with floral touches. There is delicious spread of fresh fruit on the coffee table in front of them, and the sweet scent of pineapple, grapes, and strawberries fill the room around us. Katie glances up, her eyes brightening when she sees me. “You’re here! You guys took a while getting back! Come sit!” She calls, patting the empty space on the couch beside her. Jordan plucks a grape from the platter and dips it into her mouth like a greek goddess. “Man, lunch was a dragggggg.” She groans as she helps herself to a strawberry next. ”If I have to hear James talk about himself one more time, I’m going to change my flight and cut this trip early!” Katie and I share a conspiratorial snicker, before I add to her train of thought. “He really is insufferable. It doesn’t help that Jasper never says anything or puts him in his place. How many times does he have to call us concubines before he does something?” I sigh, the memories of our lunch conversation making a reappearance. I can still hear the infuriating remarks that slipped from his lips, and it's frustrating that Jasper just sat there, his silence completely enabling his friend's bullshit comments. “He is your fiance, you think it’d piss him off!” Jordan snarks while kicking her feet up on the back of the couch, her straight red hair nearly touching the floor. “Sooooo, what’s the plan for today ladies?” she asks with a grin, and I brace myself before opening my mouth to speak.

"I have to tell you something, before we set any of our plans in stone." I say quietly, my voice barely above a whisper as I avoid eye contact with them. The words feel slick in my mouth, like my tongue is caught up in the thick of an oil spill. Jordan turns her head towards me, a smirk slowly creeping onto her face. "Let me guess," she muses, "you slept with Chase after we left? Pleaseeeee tell me I’m right?" A shockwave soars through me, as Katie's gaze flickers between us. “How did you know?” I say with surprise; were my emotions that obvious? “Len… when a man wants something, it’s clear by the effort he puts in. I knew the moment Katie told me he showed up on the platform today.” I nod at Jordan’s words. She’s right, why would he show up today unless more had happened between us? I slump over, placing my elbows on my knees to cradle my face. “You’ve never cheated on Jasper before,” Katie says, and I shake my head, “so what happened?” Jordan goes from lounging to an upright position before saying, “did he initiate it or you?” I reposition my chin to my hands and look at them. “It was all me honestly. We were playing war, but with…. conditions.” I say slowly, hoping they’ll get the hint without me having to say the words. “If I won, he wasn’t going to contact me again and he even started to get dressed before I stopped him and asked him to...” I trail off, looking left to right to glance at their serious but sympathetic faces.

“Do you guys hate me now?” I ask sheepishly, my voice wobbling as I hold back tears. There’s a moment of silence before Katie speaks up. “Honestly Lena,” she begins, her tone stern but warm, “this isn’t like you. I’m surprised, sure, but this isn’t something I’d stop being friends with you for.” I can feel a flush creeping up my neck as my eyes shift between them. “Get the fuck out of here Lena! We’ve been best friends since fourth grade, you’re stuck with me for life hoe!” Jordan chimes in, obviously offended that I would even think such a thing. “Come on, Lena, we’d never hate you for this.” Gratitude swells in my chest for friends who love me unconditionally, but I also mentally prepare myself for the unfiltered opinions that are sure to follow. “The real question is… how the fuck was it? Chase is damn hott, Lena! The lord truly blessed you when he sent him to the pool bar that day.” Jordan throws in like word vomit, and although I smile, I can’t stop my forehead from creasing. “It was… the most passionate, thrilling, out of body experience sex of my life!” I say excitedly, but also with a subtle note of caution. Jordan squeals and giggles, shaking my shoulder as I lean into her laughing. Katie rolls her eyes and being the guardian she is, she places her hand on my other shoulder before she speaks again. ”You know I don’t condone cheating. The REAL question,” she pauses, giving Jordan an irritable glare,”is what about Jasper? What are you going to do?”

I let out a heavy sigh and lean forward, picking up a perfectly ripe pineapple chunk from the table to pop in my mouth. “There’s something deeper to Chase than just a fling. As much as I know what we did was wrong, it doesn't feel that way. I can’t shake this pull to see him again. I’ve decided to tell Jasper once we’re back from Cancun, and… I’m committed to not sleeping with Jasper or Chase again until I come clean.” Katie nods thoughtfully, her fingers absentmindedly running through the back of her short bob as she processes my words. “Was he BIG?!” Jordan interrupts, the look on her face similar to a Harvard scientist studying a test subject. I widen my eyes at her, and she mirrors me while mouthing 'OH MY GOD- FOR REAL?' silently. Katie reaches behind me to smack the back of Jordan’s head before continuing with her thoughts. “Len, I’m glad you’re planning to tell Jasper, but I’m more curious about you and what you’re thinking. Are you planning to end the relationship, or do you want to try to work things out if he decides not to leave? That could happen, you know?” I lean back against the couch, my fingers tracing the empty space between me and the girls. “I’ve been feeling unhappy for a while now, and I can’t shake the cold feet. My intuition keeps screaming that marrying him is a mistake. Sometimes I wonder if we’re together just because it looks good on the outside, not because we’re meant to be.” My friends embrace me in a group hug, and I lean into both of them, thankful I was able to get such heavy feelings off my chest.

“Right... Don’t worry about it for now. We'll have plenty of time to discuss this in the group chat when we get home!” Jordan says, while Katie pats my back.“You still have time to figure it out, but you should probably come to a resolution before you walk down the aisle." Katie adds sweetly. "And if we're being really honest Lena," Jordan says while standing to her feet, "I'd like to remind you that we never liked the kid in the first place. He's just not right for you." She isn't lying. They have continually pointed out red flags about Jasper over the duration of our relationship, but I've always been too wrapped up in the idea of a soul mate to face the truth. Before my thoughts can spiral any further, Jordan whistles loudly, commanding the attention of the room. "I think we all need a little fun after two hours of James and his filthy ass mouth! It's time, my friends, to give our Cancun boys a call!”