37: No Dick City

Lena

"We didn’t talk about it," I say to Jordan and Katie as I push my eggs around on the plate. The late morning sun filters through the large windows of the restaurant in La Isla Village, just a few blocks away from the resort. The air smells faintly of freshly baked croissants and brewed coffee, yet I have absolutely no appetite as I stab at my egg yolks; watching them leak and smear yellow all over the white dish. Jordan looks at me, raising an eyebrow at the way I am murdering my poor breakfast. “Soooooo, he didn’t explain why the fuck his ex was calling at 2 in the morning???” She questions with an embittered tone while licking the cream cheese off her toasted, everything bagel. Katie, who’s been unusually quiet, pushes her cup of coffee aside- waiting for an explanation as she peers with sympathetic eyes. Still pushing my fork through the half eaten poultry, I release a foiled sigh. "No, he did. He basically said she was taking the break up hard, that he was sorry, that he didn’t want to hide the situation with her. That’s why he answered, he wanted to make it clear that there was nothing going on between the two of them." I set my fork down, and take a sip of my espresso before continuing. "That being said, we literally just… cuddled and went back to sleep after he apologized a thousand times. I wanted to ask what happened between them and how long they we're together, but..." I stop myself, trying to choose the right words.

Jordan leans forward as a diabolical grin appears on her face. “I mean… If I was getting dicked down like that and then broken up with, I would have a hard time letting go too!” Katie scoffs before launching her hand across the table like a ninja, aiming straight for Jordan’s head; and I can’t help but burst into laughter when the thud lands on the top of her cranium. Jordan shoots Katie a pure death glare as she rubs her scalp with a wince,and if looks could kill, Katie would be six feet deep for all the whacks she’s given in the last four days. “That goes for you too! Both of you out here making me the damn third wheel to your romantic adventures!” She yelps, clearly baffled by the sudden violence. Once the laughter fades, I glance out the window, the view of the ocean in the distance helping clear my mind for a moment. "I think I just need time to think. She just kept rambling on and on, saying how she regretted rushing him into marriage… Said she should have been more patient, given him more time to truly figure things out. I don’t know exactly what went down between them, but it sounded pretty intense." My eyes wander to the clock on the wall to avoid their unwavering gazes, and I realize the time is slipping away faster than I’d like. “I really feel like… an idiot. I honestly just want to start putting this behind me... check out the local shops and get ready for my flight back tomorrow."

Jordan sighs deeply while leaning back in her chair. "Fair enough," she murmurs, throwing her arms up in defeat. "But before we wrap things up, I need to ask you something." She pauses for a moment, "did you tell him about what happened with Jasper... and James?" I let out a long breath, my mind swirling with unresolved emotions. "I told him about Jasper," I begin, the strain in my wobbly inflection clear, "but when it came to James... I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I wanted to, but... I just couldn't. It felt too complicated. I don’t know..." I trail off, my words falling away as the weight of the situation settles in once again. "I don't think you should leave without talking to him again, but we're here for you irregardless. You know that, right?" Katie finally speaks, her gaze understanding but also giving hints of suspicion. I offer a small smile, “thank you. I love you both so much. I just… I don’t know," I whisper, my voice faltering. "Both of our lives feel so complicated right now. I can't help but wonder if rushing into this, letting my feelings run rampant, was the single dumbest choice of my life."

Katie turns to face me, a sadness appearing in the frown on her lips. "I don't think that at all, Lena. Not even for a second." She places a hand on my shoulder, offering a sense of calm amidst my literal mid-life crisis. "Look, just because the timing isn't perfect doesn't mean that something real can't grow between you two. Life has a way of throwing us off balance, but once you find your footing, once the chaos settles a little, you might just see that this could be something beautiful. You can’t judge something based solely on where it starts." I contemplate her words for a moment, before nodding and deciding to change the subject. "Alright, alright... enough about me!" I say, wiping a rogue tear from my eye: I’m so done with this emotional rollercoaster! "How are you and Corey? Seriously, Katie… I’ve never seen you this happy!" I flash her a grin and her whole face lights up, her cheeks blushing like a perfectly ripe, heirloom tomato. "Yesssss, girl! Spill the tea!" Jordan interjects with dramatic enthusiasm. I chuckle at how invested she is, like she’s about to get the scoop of the century.

Katie, who is practically glowing, lets out a dreamy sigh. "You guys, he is amazing," she gushes, "he’s just so different from anyone I’d usually go for, but I can't stop myself from falling for all of his little quirks! My face hurts from laughing so much when I’m with him!" She looks like she’s floating on air, entirely lost in the snare of falling in love. "He’s definitely a character," I say with a giggle, "he and Chase remind me so much of us. The perfect balance of opposites!” Katie grins from ear to ear, but her joy is short lived when Jordan leans back with an annoyed sigh. "Well, at least you two are getting laid on this trip," she says, shaking her head. "It’s NO DICK CITY for me in lousy ass Cancun. I’ve been keeping my hands busy, but not in the way I would fucking prefer… if you catch my drift!" She flashes us a mischievous wink, and we can’t hold back our laughter, as the customers at the table next to us gawk and stare in disgust. "Anywayssssss, the heart wants what the heart wants, and unfortunately, I’m happy for you both butttt… Next trip, I would prefer a little less dry spell and a little more spicy action… if you know what I’m sayin’."

***

Jordan, Katie, and I walk down the buzzing streets of Cancun, the humid breeze brushing against our skin as we explore the city. We stop at several shops and stands, trying on wide-brimmed hats and flowing sundresses in every color imaginable like three young girls playing dress up. We look at ourselves in the mirror, snapping photos and cracking up as we model different outfits- some gorgeous and some down right horrific. We continue to wander for hours, enjoying the sights, the sounds, the snack stands, and the heat of the tropical sun. It's one of those perfect afternoons where time seems to stretch, and for a while, I’m able to relax; completely ignoring the stress I've been carrying on my shoulders. Every so often though, my thoughts drift back to Jasper and James. Then it shifts to Chase. While my heart flutters at the thought of him, the growing knot in the pit of my stomach is beginning to overwhelm the infatuation.

I honestly wasn’t even planning on sleeping with him last night, but his touch made me... forget. I was so lost in him; in the intensity of his eyes and the sincerity of his words, the pain and confusion disappeared the moment I saw him. Whenever I'm around him, it feels like I'm exactly where I am supposed to be. And I'm grateful, for when I look back on these moments one day, all I will see is the light he brought to this eye opening trip. Being with him outshines every shadow Jasper and James have cast lately, but listening to Chase's ex Amanda was... uncomfortable. It’s obvious she's not over him and even though he insists they’re done, the truth is, I don’t know him well enough to know if that’s really the case. The sound of her pain and the tears only served to make me realize something I hadn't fully acknowledged before last night: we’re moving way too quickly. Like we've both lost our sanity and common sense. We totally bypassed the early stages of getting to know each other, the foundational dates and late night calls that are supposed to come before love. We both seem to be in limbo in our lives, and I don't think either of us is truly ready for a relationship... no matter how strong the pull or connection is. We’re rushing into something before we even understand where we both stand, and I think it’s high time I get back to reality.