Chapter 8 I lost control

He said that he had already decided to end their relationship when he opened the video. But at the end, he tells her that he has changed his mind.
Grace wonders if Sara, when sending her own photos, never anticipated that he would decisively say it's over.
Moreover, she has never done anything against his orders.
Grace could not know what kind of reasons caused him to make these decisions, but she clearly sensed the blood flowing in her heart when he mentioned his intention to end the relationship - she did not want it to end yet.
After the video ended, Grace slowly went to take a shower again.
Coming out of the bathroom, she slowly lay down on the bed, pulling the blanket to completely wrap herself up.
It was not yet her usual bedtime, but Grace felt like she couldn't do anything else. She wanted to lie down, she wanted to hide in the warmth of the blanket.
A complex and indistinguishable emotion weighed heavily on Grace's heart. Should she feel happy?
The Master said he originally wanted to end the relationship, but changed his mind after seeing her masturbate.
Why did he want to end the relationship in the first place? Was it because of the first moment he saw in the video?
Does he not like her figure? Or does he not like her voice?
Is her background too shabby, or is the carpet she laid on the floor not the color he likes?
But during their previous conversations, he said he chose her.
So, deciding to give up on her because of those reasons, Grace found it unfathomable and unforgivable.
She did not think she was that inadequate, to make him think of ending it in the first second of opening the video.
But why did he change his mind after she finished masturbating?
Because he discovered that she is a very slutty woman?
Just because of sex-related things, so he decided to keep her?
Grace buried her face in the soft blanket, warm liquid streaming from her eyes.
Sex is an indispensable part of this relationship, but it cannot be the only reason for its continuation.
She can confidently show her desires to the Master and do anything he wants her to do, but it cannot be solely based on sex.
She hopes the continuation of this relationship is because of the two individuals, not just because of his sexual desire for her.
In fact, he didn't even need to tell her about this.
Treating it as if nothing happened, even if he couldn't provide post-comfort, Grace would not have any complaints. This is the drawback of online training, forever separated by a screen, unable to feel the warmth of real hands.
Grace accepts this.
But he still mentioned it.
Did he expect her to feel rewarded from it? Because he was originally going to give up.
Is she happy? Maybe a little.
But Grace couldn't smile.
The chat interface stopped at the end of the video call Grace finished.
She should have said: "Goodnight, Master."
Or responded to tonight's events in some way.
But she didn't say anything. The conversation came to an abrupt end, like an unfinished stroke of a pen hanging in the air.
-
The next morning, Grace woke up early.
It was the last working day, the day for the regular department meeting.
When Grace left home, she was suddenly interrupted.
The cold air that came froze me shivering a little.
Ferrari headquarters are in Modena, Italy. The temperature in winter generally does not go below freezing, and sometimes reaches ten degrees at noon.
Grace was wearing a long dress, tightly wrapping a black coat around her with both hands, and hurriedly walked to the coffee shop next to her house to buy coffee.
The cashier was familiar with Grace and asked her why she was so early today.
Grace smiled slightly and said, "Didn't sleep well."
Cashier: "Triple shot?"
Grace laughed out loud and said, "Give me a break. Still double."
She walked out of the shop with the hot coffee and walked slowly towards the office.
The morning wind was strong, blowing her hair occasionally across her cheeks.
The hot coffee slowly flowed down her esophagus, and by the time Grace reached the company, her body had warmed up.
The office was air-conditioned, so she took off her coat and started working early.
The new season in March is approaching, and there have been more and more press releases recently. Due to the budget cap, the team had to significantly reduce staff to ensure enough funds for improving the race car.
James said the PR department used to be much more glorious than now, but now there are only a few interns left.
Now, with Caesar taking over, the job requirements have become even stricter.
Grace checked the email she had just received from Caesar and noticed that it was sent around 11 p.m. Italy time last night.
Wasn't he in Japan?
It should have been late at night in Japan at that time.
Is he still working even at this hour?
Suddenly, Grace felt a tingling sensation on her scalp, feeling even more pressured.
She opened the email and found that it contained assignments for the PR department before the new season.
Grace downloaded the attachment, which was a ten-page document outlining the work requirements.
She read it word by word, feeling almost about to collapse in her seat.
Caesar gave detailed instructions for the PR department's tasks, requirements, and the procedure for reporting urgent matters for the new season.
And if Grace remembered correctly, he should have been dealing with the negotiations with the Toyota supplier for the new season's engine yesterday.
Acid started to rise in her stomach, one of the signs of Grace's nervousness. She commanded herself to take a few deep breaths and then began her work.
In the afternoon, the PR department held a meeting to discuss the email they received in the morning.
James's face darkened when he heard that Caesar had returned early from Japan and would attend the meeting. But the moment Caesar stepped into the meeting room, James's expression instantly brightened.
The meeting lasted for nearly two hours.
James and Caesar mainly discussed the details in the documents, while Grace and others mostly took notes.
A colleague sent a message from their computer: I heard from Alen, who went to Japan with Caesar, that he completed this draft on the plane.
Grace pretended to still be recording the meeting and replied: What do you mean?
Colleague: That's what Alen told me. Caesar was in a hurry to return to Italy yesterday.
Late at night in Japan, a private plane was chartered for the return trip. After flying for more than ten hours, it had just landed an hour ago.
Grace: Why the rush to come back?
Colleague: I think it's because of this meeting. #Funny expression.
Pretending to look normal, Grace glanced at Caesar. He was discussing the news release for the Japan trip with James.
The conference room was air-conditioned, and he was wearing only a white shirt and a vest. The deep blue tie was neatly concealed beneath the vest, and the silver collar clip shimmered under the lights.
He spoke calmly, his voice deeper than C's.
It's not him. Grace couldn't help but think again.
She looked away.
The meeting ended on the eve of leaving work. James called Grace and her colleague to draft a new document. Grace put her computer back at her desk and took a cup to go to the pantry for coffee.
Because it was Friday, everyone would leave work early. Only they were still in the office due to the meeting. Grace planned to refill her coffee, drink it, and then leave.
No one was in the pantry, so she poured some coffee beans into the coffee machine and placed her cup on top.
The coffee machine quickly made the sound of working hard, and she leaned on the counter, her thoughts quickly wandering elsewhere.
Suddenly, the door of the pantry gently creaked.
Grace snapped out of it and found that it was Caesar who had walked in.
When he walked in, he also gently closed the door behind him.
There was an unwritten rule in the company that the pantry door should not be closed, and maintaining transparency was good for everyone.
Grace was about to speak up to remind him, but Caesar spoke before her.
"Grace." He called her name.
Perhaps because they were close or perhaps due to the small size of the pantry, Caesar's voice seemed deeper.
He walked up next to Grace and placed his cup beside hers.
The crisp and restrained sound of the cup touching the tabletop seemed to hit Grace's heart as well.
She unconsciously stood up straight and no longer leaned on the edge of the table.
"Are you here for coffee too?" Grace's concerns about asking him to open the door again became invalid at this moment. He had already entered, and Grace couldn't ask him to go back and open the door again. Now that her coffee was ready, it was better for her to leave early.
The coffee machine stopped working, and Grace didn't dare to appear too eager. She calmly took out her cup, and even smiled at Caesar.
"My coffee is ready, so I'll leave first. Have a great weekend, Caesar."
After saying that, Grace quickly turned around and walked towards the door.
Little did she know, just as she had taken two steps, she heard Caesar's voice from behind her, saying, "Grace, you forgot to add sugar."
The sound of her high heels abruptly stopped, and Grace's heart became flustered. She hastily said, "Sorry, I forgot."
She then turned her body back and walked towards the vicinity of the coffee machine.
Caesar had been watching her the whole time.
Grace's gaze scanned the table a few times, but she didn't see any sugar packets.
Caesar said, “She took two packets from the cabinet and handed them over.
"The sugar packets are in the cabinet."" Oh, right, sorry, I forgot," Grace almost couldn't bring herself to look at Caesar.
The temperature in the pantry seemed to inexplicably rise, and she felt herself getting hot. She wondered why, why it had turned out like this. Originally, she just didn't want the two of them to be alone in a closed space, so she took the coffee and left. Who knew in her moment of panic, she forgot to add sugar.
But... but she had just said that she wasn't used to adding sugar, right? In the moment she tore open the sugar packet, a hint of regret flashed through Grace's mind. But soon she realized that it wasn't entirely her fault.
What he said was "Grace, you forgot to add sugar," not "Grace, do you need sugar?" He didn't even give her a choice. A sense of being completely controlled wrapped around Grace like a tight spider's web.
She tightened her fingers around the stirring stick, warning herself not to panic like this. As the sugar dissolved fully in the coffee, Grace threw the stirring stick into the trash can and prepared to leave again. It was only then that Caesar poured coffee beans back into the coffee machine.
He said, "Grace, are you afraid of me?" In the pantry, only the coffee machine started buzzing again.
Grace forced her heart, which was about to jump out of her throat, back down. She gave up on "escaping." She thoroughly placed the coffee cup back on the table and took a deep breath. "No, I'm not afraid of you, Caesar."
Caesar nodded slightly. "Then why did you want to run away earlier?" "I... didn't." "You even forgot to add sugar to the coffee." Grace gripped the cup tightly, her voice calm. "I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm a bit out of sorts today." "Is work stressing you out?"
He seemed genuinely concerned about his subordinate. Grace's guard and tension weakened slightly. She shook her head. "It's not work-related." "Is it something personal?"
Grace nodded. Caesar didn't ask any further, simply saying, "If there's anything the company can do to help, feel free to bring it up." Grace smiled somewhat helplessly, but she knew Caesar meant well. "Thank you, but it's not necessary."
After saying that, sShe felt it was only appropriate to reciprocate some social courtesy, so she added, "It must be exhausting, jetting off to different countries." "Yes." "I actually didn't expect you to come to the meeting."
Caesar replied, "Unexpected circumstances, so I decided to fly back last minute." "I see." Grace didn't intend to pry further into someone else's privacy.
"Then I'll go back now. It's almost five o'clock." Grace was about to turn around when she casually asked, "By the way, I heard your mother is British, so can you speak English?"
Caesar maintained his composure.
"My mother hasn't lived with us for a long time, so I can't speak English."
"Understood. Well then, I'll be leaving now. Have a great weekend."
"Thank you, have a great weekend."
Grace walked out of the pantry with a strange feeling.
It actually wasn't as difficult to talk to Caesar as she had imagined. Although he effortlessly saw through her nervousness, he didn't make any negative judgments about her.
Instead, Grace felt a sense of generosity from him.
He was accommodating her.
As she tasted the faint sweetness in her coffee, Grace couldn't help but drink it all in one gulp.
After work, Grace took an early shower and then opened her laptop to find the unfinished TV series she was watching.
The aroma of hot instant noodles wafted from the cup as she sat at the table, applying lotion to her body.
However, she still couldn't muster much enthusiasm.
In fact, she knew why herself.
There was a word that had been lingering in Grace's mind all day. Honestly, she was not a foolish person.
First, strike a blow at you, then give you rewards and praise, attempting to make you feel grateful to him. Grace thought, perhaps she had encountered a pick-up artist (PUA).
He never intended to end their relationship at the beginning of the video, so there was no change of heart in the end.
This was his tactic from the start.
He was a very clever man, so he knew how to easily provoke people with his words.
And he succeeded, leaving Grace restless all day.
In the chat box, the final message was still Grace's call ending notification.
He should be waiting for her response, a pleading, submissiveSub reply.
Laughter came from the laptop, the aroma of the instant noodles becoming stronger.
Sara said that the continuation of a relationship takes effort from both sides, compromise is something you have to face.
But Grace thought, submissiveSubness is not lowly, lacking principles, or unworthy of respect.
Subs and Doms fundamentally complete each other.
Now that she had noticed that something was off, she should not let the mistakes continue.
This wasn't the relationship she wanted.
The alarm on her phone rang, signaling that Grace's instant noodles were ready.
But before she focused on enjoying her bowl of noodles, she wanted to bring closure to some things.
Grace picked up her phone, only to receive a message at that moment.
C: "Good evening, Grace."
Grace was stunned. She didn't expect C to initiate the conversation.
Grace: "Good evening."
She didn't use any titles, but her emotions were quite evident.
C: "You're angry."
Grace: "Yes."
C: "Would you be willing to share the reasons with me?"
Grace paused the video on her laptop, and the room became quiet.
She typed earnestly.
Grace: "Last night, were you PUA-Ing me? Saying that you decided to end the relationship as soon asWhen the video started, was it actually to attack my self-confidence? What part of me did you want to attack? Was my figure not curvaceous enough?
C: no.
C: are you upset because of this idea?
Grace: yes, Sub should also be respected.
C: I'm sorry I gave you that idea last night. You're right. Sub should also be respected. Honesty should not be given from one side to the other. I'd like to explain what I did yesterday.
His manner is incomparably sincere. Grace's heart gushed warm fluid.
Grace: tell me.
C: the reason I want it to end is that I've seen you in reality, and I didn't want it to have any overlap with my real life.
Grace was dumbfounded.
C: you don't have to guess who I am. It's not good for our relationship.
C: as for the reason for changing your mind, it's actually very simple. I'm out of control, and I need to regain control.
Grace's eyes focused on his last reply. He said he was out of control, and he needed to regain control. That's why he decided to continue their relationship.
Grace: what do you mean by "out of control"?
Grace sent this message. She may already know the answer, but she wants his answer. The heartbeat held his breath in fear, and Grace couldn't take his eyes off the phone screen.
Suddenly, the news of C popped up.
C: "I'm out of control" means that I shot it at the moment of your best part.
C: I'm out of control of your libido, Grace.