Chapter 31: Writing Dad?

She had made a spontaneous choice to come to Clovelly. In spite of its ups and downs, it had given her some much needed distance from her relationships in the states: her dad and Kurt; and now she had new relationships that required her time, thought, and attention. She decided that she liked the small parish enough to call it home.

Rachel had carved out a niche in this community: a home, a job, and friends. Never before had people responded positively to her just because of her personality and not her father’s money. She also proved that she could survive as an independent, young woman on her own. It was challenging at times, but she had what she needed personally and professionally and that was enough.

If it had not been for the trip to London, she thought that she might have forgotten about the people she left behind in her old life. Seeing her father there was an unexpected surprise. She could have reached out and touched him if she had wanted to. Skimming another tabloid article about Kurt and her upcoming marriage had a sobering effect on Rachel.

Nothing was perfect, however. Jane, her bakery customer and now her rival for Arthur’s affections was proving to be a thorn in Rachel’s side. No matter what side of the Atlantic she was on, there was always someone there to make things unpleasant and imperfect. For Rachel in England, that was Jane.

Rachel’s relationship with Arthur was just starting to flourish. He was not putting her down or criticizing her. He seemed to trust Rachel more, which caused him to start to like her more as a fellow human being and friend and argue with her less. This foundation of friendship was opening the door to something more between them if they wanted to act on the new and confusing attraction they were beginning to feel.

Then there were the two necessary and respected maternal figures in her life in Clovelly: Beatrice and Faye. What would Rachel do without their wisdom, support, encouragement and mother-love? Beatrice was an excellent listener; Faye was a mentor. Both demonstrated that life in later years can be rewarding without a man as long as one has a purpose. Beatrice had her garden and Faye was a successful entrepreneur.

As content as she was, Rachel still needed closure with her life stateside and that included her father. She considered calling her father, then decided against it because she did not have a phone and even if she did, he could trace her call. She considered emailing him, then decided against it for similar reasons. After weighing the pros and cons of different methods of communicating with him, ultimately, she chose an old-fashioned letter.

“Dear Daddy, I am sorry for the inconvenience I caused when I ran away from my wedding.” It was a good start and how she felt now that she had some perspective on it. She admitted that she was at a loss for all the things she wanted to say. There were so many things that came to mind.

She made some notes of what these points were. She did not want an arranged merger marriage with Kurt or anyone else. Whether or not that meant that she would be disinherited, she was adamant about this point. Although it was not much, her modest bakery income was enough for the basics. She would reevaluate it again in the future.

Plus, there was always her trust fund that her mom left her. She would not be able to access it, however, until she was 25; it was considerably smaller, but it did not carry the same demands and limitations as her father’s multi-billions. She had tasted freedom from under his thumb and his money and she did not want to go back to his very conditional, dollar for duty love.

She had to tell him that she did not want to go back to the United States. She wanted to have a relationship with him, just not one that required her to follow all of his rules in order to stay in his good graces. Not only was that kind of lifestyle stressful, but until they renegotiated what her not living in the states would mean for him and them, it was not how she wanted to be treated in her twenties or beyond.

What else, she thought? She felt she needed to tell him that there was no other man. She knew how he could be with threatening using “dead hand control” in his will if she were to choose to date, live with, or marry anyone. He was willing to disinherit her for that reason and evict her and her paramour from any housing he paid for or stop any monetary sum he might leave her, just to make sure he was not supporting some man. He did not trust her choice of men and she did not appreciate his selection of men for her just because of what they could do to expand his financial empire or political power.

Lastly, she would let him know that she was safe and did not want to be found until she was certain that they could relate to one another as a family, not in a dictatorship.

She put her rough draft in an envelope and addressed it but did not seal it. She would give it a few days, proofread and polish it, then mail it the next time she was out of town. It might require a delay before she could get postage and send it (London would have been the perfect postmark to throw him off her track for a while). But it would give her a good, clear conscience. Most of all, by the time he got it, she would be completely certain that she was going to stay indefinitely. The letter would convey that completely. She left it on her desk so she would not forget that she wanted to send it as soon as she felt ready to do so.

Her alarm clock sounded. She had a late shift at the bakery and decided to walk to work so that Arthur’s study time at the library would not be interrupted.

Rachel still had Jane’s words to contend with and decided to lay low on carpooling with Arthur and spending so much time together outside of that. But she had wanted to make it clear to the girl that they were not pretending to enjoy being together or to have a relationship as close friends. She wasn’t ready to have her life exposed just yet and a veiled threat from Jane was the result of that newly defined reality that she shared with Arthur.