Chapter Sixty-Eight

Adrian doesn’t disappoint, leaving me satisfied and sore with a dozen marks on my skin from where he kissed and nipped at my skin. We fell asleep after hours, leaving the bathwater all over the floor, too exhausted after our making up to clean up first. Everything has gone according to plan and Adrian seems oblivious to what I'm doing, sneaking around behind his back. Somehow, knowing that he hasn't figured it out yet makes me feel even worse about it, though I should feel relieved, I know.

I turn over to snuggle into his chest, tangling my legs with his beneath the sheets. His chest rises and falls evenly in his sleep, his drained from making me pay him back. On top of that, he did also battle Jasper while the Madness was ravaging his mind, which I can imagine is no easy feat. Despite that, though, Adrian managed to keep his promise and kept me awake late into the night. Even so, I'm still up far too early this morning despite my exhaustion. The nightmares won't let me sleep for more than a few hours anyway, plagued by the terrors of wolves turning on me, tearing my skin to ribbons in a darkened forest.

The heat radiating from Adrian's body comforts me as I ward off the recollection of the recurring dream, reminding myself that it was just that. The feeling of his arm around my waist grounds me as he pulls me closer in his sleep, hugging me to his chest. The sun hasn't quite risen yet, though the dawn has begun to taint the sky in navy hues. The stars will be gone soon, then it will be acceptable to get out of bed. If Adrian finds me missing from his arms too soon, he'll catch on that something is amiss.

I lay restlessly beside him, hyper-aware of our still naked bodies pressed so closely together. My muscles throb in remembrance of my punishment, though it was far too gratifying to be a real penalty of any sort. I know how much he enjoyed it, too, and I'm sure he can't wait for me to make trouble for him again soon. Luckily for him, I'll need to ask for far more favors before I get the hang of this magic thing.

Even now, I can feel the warm hum of my awakened powers, just beneath my skin. I feel like a battery that has gone forever at half capacity, only to be suddenly fully charged. A week ago, I didn't even know that magic was real outside of Hollywood. Now, it's coursing through my veins, murdering a constant reminder of its presence. If I focus on it, it's almost like it's signing to me, begging to be relied on. It scares me because I want to depend on it, even though the power is too strong for me to control. If I try to use it too early, it will govern me instead.

The reflection of my accidental Shadow Traveling adventure brings bumps across my skin, a shiver spider-walking down my spine. I cannot risk that happening again outside of my control, and not until I have a familiar of my own to protect me. From what Serene told me, the Hybrids will sense me using my powers and pounce when I am vulnerable.

In a way, it makes me grateful to have a place I can go without being found by anyone. Then again, knowing that even Adrian can't locate me at Serene's dorm because of her cloaking spell is also unnerving. If something goes wrong while I'm learning to control this power, he won't be able to save me. Even then, if he knew my own magic hurt me from my lack of control, how would he react? Would he even want to save me? Or would he leave me alone to deal with the consequences of disobeying him?

Almost as if he can sense my distress in his sleep, Adrian exhales a growl and grips my back, just enough to remind himself that I'm still right beside him. I caress the ink that's embedded in his chest, tracing the pattern of his tattoo to make him recollect my presence between his arms. He relaxes at my touch, sighing heavily as his deep sleep returns.

Surely a good Mate would never put their divine counterpart through something like this. I already know how crushed he's going to be when he inevitably finds out that I'm doing the opposite of what he asked and deliberately hiding it from him. Maybe he'll even hate me for it and rebuke me as his Mate. I could hardly blame him if he does. I've never been the most obedient person, but this is taking it a step too far, even for me.

Is it selfish of me to want peace for the supernatural community from the looming threat of these Hybrids, or even more importantly, to want to cure my closest friend of his fatal disease? Or is it selfish of Adrian to ask me to ignore the fact that I have the power to do either of those things, simply because it's dangerous? Maybe neither of us is wrong, but I know better than to wish that he'll keep his anger at bay for long enough to allow me to explain my actions. His Pack is afraid of him for a reason, and he's strong enough to stop Jasper's Madness on his own.

No, he would sooner lock me away someplace unreachable by the Hybrids and allow the world to burn around us to keep me safe. I know that because I would do the same if our positions were switched. That's why I can't tell him. He can't find out until it's too late to stop it, even for him. I try to doze off for a while longer, but no matter the efforts I make, sleep does not greet me again. The day is nearly here now, anyway, so I gently untangle myself from my sleeping Alpha, leaving him miraculously undisturbed. I locate the shirt that he discarded during last night’s debauchery and slip it over my head, quietly exiting the room to head downstairs, phone in hand.

I tiptoe down the steps, paranoid that my absence might wake him up at any moment. It’s still early enough that he will undoubtedly assume that something is wrong, so I have to quit for at least another few hours. First, I head to the kitchen to start myself a coffee drip to try and help the heaviness of my eyelids, desperate for any amount of caffeine that I can ingest quickly. I can hardly wait patiently enough for the drips to cease before snatching my cup from the machine and tiptoeing to the livingroom to set up my laptop and check on my school work.

There are two assignments that I have due by monday, so I decide to get those out of the way to kill a little bit of time. It doesn’t take as long as I expect, so once I have them both submitted for grading I finish off the remnants of my morning coffee and go to make another one with a bit more class this time. Adran’s t-shirt covers my body like a dress, the hem falling to my knees as I lean against the counter, waiting for my refill to pour. It gives me time to reflect on yesterday evening’s events, still tasting the sweet smokiness of magic on my tongue. I remember what Serene was telling me about setting intentions with normal, monotonous things to infuse them with good energy, without having to expel any actual magic.

Against my better judgment, I reach for my coffee cup and glance towards the stairs, ensuring that my bedroom door is still closed. I can sense Adrain still in the bed, motionless against the pillows, so I decide that it’s worth the risk of seeming crazy with no one here to witness it. I hold the steaming cup in both hands at eye level, willing the liquid to take on the energies of my thoughts. “Give me the energy and courage to make it through this day,” I whisper, cracking my eyes open to peek at the coffee. I’m not sure what I expect to see, but the black espresso remains still, rippled only by the miniscule movements of my hands. I shrug and add a splash of oatmilk from the fridge, taking it back to the livingroom.

I stand in front of the fireplace for a moment, feeling the heat against my bare legs as I sip on my caffeine, hoping that the intentions were set properly. If I can make it through the day without needing another nap, it would be a miracle. My eyes linger on the flames for a few moments, mesmerised by their dance in the marble hearth that keeps them prisoner. I’ve never noticed
before, but even fire has an energy all it’s own, something that feels untamable and feral, all while looking so beautiful. Flames belong to no one, they have no master that they obey. It must be so freeing to live like that.