Having a fated mate sounds like it sucks ass

Kenton

 It’s been a week and there’s been no sight or scent of her. Asher, Boone, and I are on our way to the Leavenworth pack to the southeast of us, to see if maybe she’s made her way in that direction.
 Both my wolf and I are desperate to find her, feeling as if half of us is missing without her here with us.
 “God damnit!” I growl, slamming my hands down on the steering wheel as we drive down Highway Two through the mountains, not even able to appreciate the beautiful scenery due to the late hour, as darkness surrounds us from all sides.
 “You okay there?” Asher questions from next to me, eyeballing me warily.
 “I feel like I’m going out of my fucking mind!” Shaking my head, I blow out a frustrated breath. “I can’t explain it. I just need to have her back. I can’t concentrate on anything but finding her. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Shifting and running don’t help because I just end up trying to find her.”
 “Having a fated mate sounds like it sucks ass,” Boone mutters from the backseat, his attention still on his phone.”
“Was your dad able to find anything in the books about fated mates? Or even white wolves?” Asker asks, shooting a glare at Boone.
From everything that we were able to find on fated mates, I feel this way because we haven’t claimed each other, or mated yet. Had the bond already been completed, we would be able to speak to one another through the mind link, and I would be able to find her. I would always long to be with her when we were apart, just as with any mated pair, but it wouldn’t be this all-consuming, going out of my mind, need as it is right now.
It apparently will ease up over time, but I will always long for her, my wolf unable to accept any other mate than his fated. On the flip side, however, had I already been mated when we met, it said that she would have felt the bond, but I wouldn’t have felt it as keenly as I would have as an unmated wolf. And rejection would be the only way to break the bond. Then, had we never met, we could have mated with a chosen mate, and neither of us nor our wolves would have been the wiser.
I explain this all to them, my gut sinking at the thought of never seeing her again. I couldn’t do this for the rest of my life. It’s only been a week and I feel like I’m going mad.
“And what about white wolves?” Asker asks again, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“There was no record of them anywhere in the history books. If I hadn’t seen both her and what she can do with my very own eyes, I would still believe it to be a myth.”
Asher sighs and looks out the window at the surrounding darkness, the silhouettes of the mountains all around us. “Don’t give up. We will find her and she will be our Luna.”
I want to believe him, but with every day that passes, more doubt creeps in. Every night this week I have dreamt of her, both in her beautiful, ethereal looking white wolf with violet eyes, as well as in her human form.
Every time, it’s as though I’m an outsider looking in as she surrounds herself with people, and other wolves—the same three are always present.
In their wolf form, their fur is sandy blonde, their eyes a bright blue, taking on the characteristics of their human forms. Sometimes their training, other times they’re sitting around laughing and carrying on—and dear Goddess is she a sight when her face is alight with laughter. In last night's dream, she was curled up in a bed crying and one of the blonde guys pulled her into his arms, wrapping himself around her, comforting her the way that I longed to do.
I don’t know what the dreams mean if anything, but they don’t help quell my need to find her. If anything, they make it worse, as uncontrollable desperation consumes me to the point that even the mere thought of another male holding and being with my mate makes me see red.
Seeing her wrapped up in another man’s arms lit a fire under my ass. So, as soon as we could get away this afternoon, we headed out in search of her.
I will search to the ends of the earth if I have to. But, I will never give up on finding our mate.
“Watch out!” Shouts someone within the cab seconds before hands grab at the steering wheel, pushing and pulling against me as we go flying through a guardrail and over the side of a cliff.
“Oh, fuck!” I hear Asher growl seconds before fur begins to sprout from his arms just as the truck flips over onto its top, the instantly flips again, sailing end over end, then shifting side over side. 
The sound of howling pulls me out of a nightmare where I’d found my fated mate and lost her, both at the same time. As I attempt to move, trying to stretch out  the kink in my shoulder, pain shoots throughout every inch of my body, my movements, though minor, only making it worse. Finally, I manage to peel my eyes open, only to find that I’m hanging upside down, my seatbelt holding me suspended in the air.
*What the heck happened to me?* I can’t help but wonder as I wrack my brain to remember. A groan to my left pulls my attention to the passenger side of the truck, where Asher is half hanging out the passenger window, his body angled awkwardly. 
“Asher!” I shout, trying to free myself to get to him to make sure that he’s okay. *You okay, man?* I ask, trying to speak to him through the link.
*Ken?* He asks, using the nickname that he and the guys would call me when we were pups. Relief flows through me at the sound of his voice through the link, my struggle to free myself from the contraption locking me in slowing me down.
*Ash, man. You okay?*
Silence follows and fear overwhelms me, but before I can do anything further, I slip back into the darkness that I had just found myself in moments before and am unable to do anything except allow it to happen.