chapter 12: Her Third Reason

Autumn
"I had, maybe." This time, I spoke with a calm tone. I could feel Ian's burning gaze at me, which I decided to avoid.
"Oh, but you didn't love him. It was infatuation," Isabel disrupted and said, "How could I forget her and Mon��"
"Okay," I cut in between. "It was in the past. Let's continue the game." The glare I gave Isabel made me sure that she wouldn't even dare open her mouth regarding the matter anymore.
Steven cleared his throat and said, "I am sleepy. I am going to sleep."
Aubree said, "I have to go to the base and shower Nora with love."
"Can I tag along, Aubree?" Lia asked.
Aubree looked at Ian. After he nodded his head, she said, "Sure."
Isabel, Ian, and I were in the living room now. Isabel sensed the growing tension so she decided to excuse herself. "I am going to go and do some work." She got up as well.
In the end, it was only me and Ian left. He spoke, "So, you were in love... with some other guy."
"In high school," I added, completing the statement.
He sighed. "Why didn't I know about it?"
"Because you were in another high school?"
"Whatever. We met every day, Autumn. You could've told me."
I rolled my eyes. "It's in the past. Drop it now, will you?"
I looked at his handsome face when he didn't respond, only to find him studying me. I averted my gaze.
Stop analyzing me, Ian. I hate it when you do that because you can guess everything perfectly.
"Wanna go for a walk in the garden?" he offered.
I hesitated for a moment before agreeing. We went to the private garden, which was after we walked through the stairs of our bedroom's balcony. Our bedroom. It sounded so soothing. Every balcony led to a private garden so that people could have privacy. Ours was no exception.
I gazed at the stars that seemed to smile brightly at me.
'You are watching me, aren't you? With hatred,' I mentally spoke to him. 'I swear I had no option. I know you will never forgive me.'
"Autumn?" Ian's voice brought me out of the trance.
I smiled. "Yes?"
He asked after a few seconds, "What is love?"
I arched an eyebrow. "Why do you need to know? When you fall in love, you will understand."
He retorted, "Just want to check if I love Alana or not. 'Cause she said that she loved me."
I wanted to strangle Alana at that moment. Arching an eyebrow, I interrogated, "And what did you reply?"
"I know," he said, and I burst into a fit of laughter.
"Very good. I'm proud of you," I told him, still laughing at his response. I wish I saw the look of Alana when Ian replied 'I know' to her love confession.
He snickered. "So, tell me. Did that guy break your heart or are you still together? Also, what's his name?"
"Answers for the first two questions are 'no'. For the third one, I won't tell you the name. You are going to dig his great grandfather's details too if I do tell you," I said in an obvious tone.
Ian entwined his hands with mine all of sudden. I didn't know why I didn't pull back. It was as if I was enjoying it too.
"What happened, Autumn? Didn't your parents accept him?"
I responded, "They never got the chance to meet him. You know, Ian, love is a weird feeling. It's about accepting the person's flaws and still admiring that person." He stayed quiet as I continued, "You will feel uneasy when you don't hear from that person even for a few minutes. You can listen to that person forever. And when you see them, you will feel, 'Yes, I can spend my entire life with this person and never get bored.' That is pure love."
"Did you feel all these for him?"
I was taken aback at his sudden question.
It was seven years ago. Still, the wound in my heart was fresh. How was that day possible to forget during my training?
I looked at my fingernails, getting into deep thoughts.
"Everything was over before I could feel it properly. When I realized I started falling for him, everything ended. I fell in love, but I didn't know if it was actually true. I just guess I fell for him. Only God knows what he felt, and if everything was true or not." I started again, "I wish I could know what it was." If it was love or infatuation, I wanted to add but I stopped myself.
"But with the way you are saying this, it feels as if you know exactly what love is," Ian said in a weird voice. It was as if he was trying to control himself. From what was he trying to control himself?
I stated, "I know what love is. But I am not sure if I felt that kind of love with him or not. Everything was confusing. I was a teenager for, God's sake."
"Yeah, right," Ian let out in a skeptical tone.
I looked at him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Why would something be wrong?" he spoke like he was asking himself, not me. He seemed pissed off. We heard his phone buzz all of a sudden. He checked the phone and groaned in annoyance. "Let's go back to the room. I have to get ready and meet Alana."
What? It was almost ten in the night, yet he wanted to go and meet Alana? As if I would let him go! How could he meet a girl who loves him at night when he has a wife?
"No, you're not meeting her tonight," I said. He raised his eyebrows at me. "I am not stopping you from meeting her. Just don't meet her at night."
We were already back in our bedroom. He went to take out his clothes as I was sitting on the bed with an emoticon pillow in my hand.
"And I will listen to you because...?" he trailed off.
I added, "Because I am your lawfully wedded wife!"
He chortled. "When I asked you to slip the wedding ring on my finger because I was your lawfully wedded husband, did you listen?" he questioned and went to change his clothes.
I clenched my fist.
Calm down, Autumn. Calm down.
When he got out, he stood in front of the mirror, fixing his soft, messy black hair. He wore a dark green suit, and I would be lying if I said he wasn't hot. He always looked attractive to me. Alana would go crazy if she saw him like this. What if she tried to touch him? Or worse, kiss him?
I stood from the bed and inquired, "Where is your wedding ring?"
He stopped ruffling his hair and asked, "What?"
I walked towards him. "Where is your wedding ring? I will put it on you," I said.
"Let it be. I don't want to be cag��"
"Wedding ring, Ian," I deadpanned, leaving no place to argue.
He huffed and pulled the drawer. Then he handed me the box. I opened it and took the ring. Taking his hand, I slid it on his ring finger. I found his stare on me, so I asked, "You won't go to meet her now, will you?"
He took his hand back from mine. "Why wouldn't I? Give me three reasons."
I placed my hands on my hip. "First, I am your wife. Second, you cannot meet a woman who loves you at night 'cause you have a wife, mister. Third..." I stopped speaking.
He knew I never had the third reason. Ugh!
He smirked. "If you can give me the third reason, I won't go."
He waited for a while as I thought of a third reason I could use it.
Please let something come to my mind. Otherwise, he will go and meet Alana.
"I am going. You will never find a third reason, anyway." He started walking towards the door.
I stared at his back, watching as he reached for the doorknob, but before he could even think of twisting it, something came into my mind. "Third, I'll cut my wrist if you go." I took a pocket knife from my drawer and held it to my wrist.
Ian turned to face me. He saw the knife, and I swear, I found him petrified. However, he tried to cover it with a blank look. He said in a confident voice, "You wouldn't dare."
I smirked. "Is it a challenge, my dear husband?"
He scanned my look. "It is not a challenge. It's the truth. So, drop it. It cannot be the third reason."
"Will it be if I really cut myself?" I asked and pressed the knife a little bit deeper into my wrist than before.
Ian moved towards me in small steps. "Stop this madness, Autumn. I will just meet Alana and noth��Holy!"
He ran towards me as I started to cut myself. He roughly pulled the knife and threw it away.
"You are crazy. Who does that?" he yelled. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the little amount of blood.
"It's a really tiny amount of blood, Ia��"
"Shut the hell up," he said in anger and I pursed my lips at his sudden outburst. He made me sit on the bed and opened a drawer. Ian brought a first aid box and took my hand in his. He started applying antiseptic while I admired him.
Ian rarely gets angry. I thought it was impossible to make him angry, but this little stunt of mine made him go mad. I wonder why.
I hissed in pain when he applied some sort of gel over my wound. Even he flinched when I hissed.
"You��I got no sane words for you," he started complaining. "What you did was just absurd!"
When I saw him putting the bandage over my wrist, I couldn't help but smile. He was being so cautious while putting it. As if the bandage had thorns.
I bit my lips before speaking, "So... you won't go to meet Alana at night, now will you?"
I intently gazed at him. I saw his mouth curving into a smile after hearing my question. He tried to cover it, but nothing escaped my eyes.
"You're hopeless," he mumbled, closing the first aid box and putting it back in the drawer.
"You aren't going, right? If you are, I have another wrist��" he stopped me before I could finish the sentence.
"No, I am not going. Happy?" He continued, "Now, let me change my clothes."
He went inside the washroom making me grin.
So, there's a part of him that cared for me a lot. Am I finally taking up a place in your heart, Ian Beckett, or did I already own it? I pulled the duvet over me, thinking about the way Ian reacted and of him aiding my wound.
I murmured, "I have known Ian for twenty-five years. I don't mind staying with this guy for another twenty-five years."
I can annoy him forever, can't I?