chapter 38: In Love Since Childhood

Autumn
The real meaning of loneliness was the current condition I was in. A week passed after I returned to Toronto.
I was in the Blooming Restaurant. Dad wanted me to go back to my usual lifestyle, the one without Ian. So, without him, I met with everyone.
I didn't even know if Ian was back from France. How would I explain to anyone that my life without him was dull and boring?
Even before we got married, we still used to see each other in order to argue. My eyes fell on the wedding ring which Ian made me wear. I never noticed while dancing when he smoothly slipped the ring on my finger. It was definitely romantic.
"He returned yesterday," Mr. Atticus blurted out all of a sudden. "Steven told me. After I freaked out seeing your live video, he explained everything to me. Since then, we became friends. He's a good kid, like Ian."
"Indeed. They are the best people I have come across." I smiled remembering the Becketts.
"Hold on. If this was the single woman, Autumn, she would already hold the knife on my throat." He mumbled, "This is the fake Autumn. Or maybe, this is the real Autumn who was hidden under the facade."
"You don't make any sense Mr. Atticus."
"So, tell me. Are you gonna chase him till he changes his mind?"
"No. Why should I? Even though I want to, he will just say mean stuff to me if I try." I pouted. I was making the red velvet cheesecake.
"Aha! Young love. The ego always comes in between." He looked at the cake and smiled. "You know when I was in love with your Mrs. Colleny, I was adamant to prove that I wasn't in love. I tried every possible thing to forget the word love. But I ended up making her favorite dish, all the time."
I gaped, looking at the cheesecake. "It's not what it looks like."
"Honey, no one ordered this dessert."
"I am doing this because I am in the mood to make this cake. Nothing else."
The teasing look on his face didn't fade away. "Okay, I believe you as my friends believed me at that time. Then, when I saw her talking with another guy, it was when I realized that I was in love with her. I hated the thought of sharing her. She was making me go insanely crazy if I use your language."
"But I don't feel jeal-" I remembered the time when Brianna, one of the executives, flirted with Ian during the coronation. I didn't admit it, but I felt annoyed. And the days when he was with Alana in public made me go insanely crazy, like Mr. Atticus.
Oh my god! I was in love with Ian from the beginning. I never realized it.
"I love you Mr. Atticus." I kissed his cheek and threw my apron in his direction. Then I packed the cheesecake. Ian would love them.
I had to confess it to Ian. He would have no reason to push me away then. After all, this was what our marriage lacked. Love.
"Where are you going?"
"To dive in love!" I replied in excitement and got out of the restaurant. The Becketts' Armament Company was a few minutes' walk from the restaurant and I was in a mood to jump.
Instead of using my car, I started walking. I couldn't believe this was the real definition of love.
Whatever I felt for Montez was infatuation. After his death, I was very sad. But it was not love. It was the guilt of not being able to save him. Montez was never my first love. It was always Ian.
How could I never notice the love hidden behind our bickering? When he used to pester me, I felt annoyed but somewhere in my heart, I loved that feeling.
I jumped when I reached the Becketts' Armament Company. I had bad memories of this place. It was the place I met Lennox for the first time. But I had to overcome this fear. Lennox Gibian was not alive anymore.
Even though my nightmares didn't stop after I returned to my country, I knew it would stop after everything was sorted with Ian. He would definitely help me to not get nightmares anymore. I would forget about those scary memories once I landed on his arms. This was the power of love.
I stepped inside the company. Everyone started greeting me as I gave them a warm smile and headed to the private elevator, where Isabel was present.
"Vi, what are you doing here?"
"Is Ian inside his cabin? Please, tell me he is." I looked at her with hope.
"He is. What's wrong? Will you slap some sense into his dense brain so that you guys can be together again?"
I nodded. She beamed in excitement. "Yes! Finally, someone became mature."
Once the elevator reached Ian's floor, I instantly got out with a grin on my face.
I couldn't believe I was really in love with Ian.
I headed to Yusuf, his personal assistant. "Ma'am, what brings you here?"
"I have to meet Ian."
"Okay, but��" without hearing him fully, I barged into Ian's office. As soon as I entered the office, two pairs of eyes fell over me.
There was another man along with him, who was wearing a green suit. He didn't look familiar to me. I never even saw that person. He was of our age and looked handsome, but nothing compared to my Ian.
Ian nodded his head towards the guy and he walked off the room, before giving me a small smile.
"Good that you are here. I was about to call you," he said coldly as he stood up.
"Ian!" I approached and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much! Why were you angry with me back in Paris? Whatever the reason was, I am apologizing now. I am so sorry. Please, don't let it affect our marriage. I want us to stay together, like the lovelock in the love bridge. I engraved our names there because I wanted to stay with you forever."
He tried to get away from the hug, but I held him tighter than before. "Autumn -"
"No, let me speak. I was afraid of falling for you earlier, but now I am certain about my feelings. I love you, Ian Beckett. I love you so fucking much. I cannot think of my life without you. Only I know how I survived the days without you. Every day seemed like a punishment. But not anymore. Let's forget everything and have a new start. I��"
"Shut the fuck up, Autumn." He pushed me away. My smile dropped when I saw his hard face. "Do our lives look like one of your shitty romantic novels?"
"What are you talking about, Ian?" I asked and the look he gave me, I sensed what he would say next.
"I don't love you. I meant it when I said that we had to part ways." He took a seat on his chair. "Have a seat."
"You said you were about to call me. Didn't you want us to be together?"
"Have a seat," he said again. I pulled a chair and sat opposite to him.
"I wanted to call you to sign this," he told me as he shoved a paper in my direction. "Before you ask what's this, please use your own eyes."
I hesitantly took the paper and glanced at Ian for the last time before my eyes fell on the title of the paper, which was written in bold letters.
'DIVORCE'.