EPISODE 57 I'M SORRY

I HAVE been in the hotel for four days. I said goodbye to Mama Cha and checked-in first because the way is closer to the hotel where I am now. I told her that I would be quite busy because I have many clients abroad. I just bought Clyde a cell phone so I can talk to him anytime, because if I call his mother, we will definitely not get along. I talked to Mama Cha properly even though she didn't really pay attention to me. But the truth is? I really need to get away from them first, because I don't want to mess up her mind. I'm busy with what I'm doing with the investigator I hired, and I don't want Mama Cha to know what I'm doing.
I'm currently looking at the photos that were passed to me. I'm also listening to their conversations on her boyfriend's cell phone that were recorded. I have also discovered that she is together with Aunt Maggie and the worst? —
"Uhump! Ugh! Hmmn.. " I couldn't stop sobbing every time I thought about everything that happened. "Eight years! I'm really stupid! Hmmn.. Hmmn.. "
"Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!"
I really couldn't stop it. I have already shouted out the overwhelming resentment that was felt at that time. My chest feels like it's going to explode with so much anger. I feel like hurting myself.
"Fuck! What did I do? Why—why did I turn a blind eye? Just because of Tejie! To Tejie, who didn't want to have a broken family! To Tejie — to Tejie who — Hmmm.. My God, what did I do?"
Now I know why the boy didn't get anything from me, not even my passions. I have pieced together everything as to why Tejie hasn't respected me since then, but I decided to put aside all speculation because I don't want to destroy the child's family. Now I understand why Trina avoided me whenever I wanted to see her family. Everything is now clear to me.
They really just played with me. It turns out that the child is not really mine, but she took me responsible for him.
"Aaaaah! Hmmn.. Hmmn!"
I can't stop crying. The table where I was crouched was almost wet from my tears. I can't compare the pain that I feel right now, the pain that is piercing through my chest and stabbing deep into my fuckin' heart. It fuckin' really hurt so bad!
"Ahhh! Hmmm.. My God!"
The girl I love left me for her. Mama Cha left me with my real child while I spent eight years with a woman who cheated on me over and over again. She made me believe that Tejie was my son and often threatened me that she would keep him away and I would never see him again.
I picked up the cellphone. I dialed Mama Cha's number, but it was dead. I need to talk to her now. I want to hear her voice! I was excited to hear the voice of my beloved girl because I knew that I used to hurt her so much every time Trina and I talked and were together.
"Fuck this hurts so much! Hmmm! What have I done? I'm sorry Ma— I'm so sorry.. I'm so stupid not to see it all! Huuu.. Aaaaaaah!"
I can't hold back my anger anymore. I wanna scream it out from the top of my lungs!
"Fuck! What have you done, Trina? Aaaaaaah! I'm sorry, Ma! I know I've hurt you so much! Aaaaah! I'm sorry!"
I kept calling her even though I knew that I couldn't and I was like crazy because I knew he wouldn't answer.
"I wanna hear your voice, Ma!I love you so much, Chari! I love you and Clyde so much! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Ma! Hmmn.."
The regret I feel for my stupidity was unbearable at that time. Even then, I felt that the fact that Tejie was not my child was being forced on me, but I did nothing. I was anxious to have a family and promised never to repeat my life. I thought everything was fine. I thought he was my son and they were my family. But—
It turns out that the one who truly loves me is far away. I don't know why Mama Cha distanced herself from me. I didn't know that she was with my child, who I wish I had taken care of before. Clyde would have been the one I spent time with and not Tejie, who is only now getting close to me. If I had been by Mama Cha's side when she was carrying Clyde, there would have been no problem. He would not have gotten the sickness that he had been suffering from until now. Why does he have to suffer for our guilt?
I was going to call Clyde, but I'm sure he's already asleep.
"Clyde, baby. Sorry.. Daddy's late.. I'm sorry baby,so sorry.. Ah! Hmmn.. "
I will leave for Manila the next day. My investigator told me something and that this is the right time to stop Trina and Jet's cheating and that he is Tejie's real father. They will all be responsible for me as well as her Aunt Maggie, whom Mama Cha considered one of the friends she didn't want to harm before, so she chose to leave me alone.
"Lord, thank you."

CHARI'S POV
Clint has been at the hotel for five days. I haven't talked to him since he left because I know that he just avoids me hearing his and Trina's conversations, so he pretended that he was closer to the place. He hadn't seen Clyde in a while. I knew it! This is what will happen again. Nothing else will do for Clyde and me. In the beginning, he was good. He'd take the boy's heart so he wouldn't think about it, and then — here it is! He will not show up any more. I also blocked him, so he can't really call me. He bought Clyde a cell phone that I didn't want, but I gave in because I knew he would be sad again if he couldn't talk to his dad, Sir Clint, which is not really a good idea.
I didn't go down to the shop today. I'm not in good condition because it has been a bit bad since yesterday. I'm scheduled to go to the OB the next day. I'm going to go for a check-up because I'm sure of how I feel that I'm pregnant. How can I tell Clint? I'm scared. I don't want to be second priority again; I don't want to be attached to him anymore!
Hmp! I don't want to! This is hard. Why did he come back here and then he's like this again? Sometimes I really don't want to believe in him anymore! He's just giving us a hard time, especially me!
"Hmmn.. "
I cried because I was so angry. It's sad. Here we are again. I can't abort this child because I want and love Clint so much. I don't know where, what or who Clint is with now.
June_Thirteen