Chapter 30: Addy

Addy watched the paramedics wheel Jay out on a gurney, tears streaming down her face and drying on her skin. Barnett, Laurel, and a gang of cops were behind her. Barnett was silent and weeping, but Laurel was shrieking now, her voice high-pitched and nerve-grating as an officer cuffed her. Addy wanted to spin around and scream at her.
She wanted to shake her and yell in her face and shout, “Do you see what you did? This is your fault!”
But she didn’t.
Instead, she walked toward the back of the ambulance, composing herself, trying to catch her breath. It was like being in a dream, where nothing made sense afterward, but as it was happening, it made perfect sense.
“We have to go,” one of the paramedics said to her. “Would you like to ride along?” Addy looked over at the gurney, at Jay, who was smiling at her weakly under the mask of oxygen. She reached for his hand, and he squeezed it.
“Our dog,” she said. “He—uh—the yellow lab. I can’t leave him here.” She was relieved when one medic took his leash and brought him up front in the cab. Addy sighed, closing her eyes, trying to gain control of herself. She looked down at Jay. He was still smiling that smug smile.
“Sorry,” she said to him. “You can’t get rid of us that easily.”

The pain was phenomenal, like having his insides ripped out slowly by the dull bones of someone’s hand. Blood was everywhere, and it took Jay a moment to realize that all that blood—every fucking streak of it—was his. Not only was it all over himself, but it was all over Addy, too. She didn’t seem to mind, though, as she held his hand and watched the traffic pass by out the back window. She’d been crying, near hysterics, but the tears had dried, just a little bit. He was glad about that. He hated to see her cry—when Addy cried, he wanted to cry.
There was a poke in his arm as the paramedic started an IV. Jay kept his eyes trained on Addy. She was watching the medic work, looking tense, as if expecting some horrible thing to jump out and fuck everything up suddenly. He knew she wanted to jump in and help, take control like she was so used to doing. When he squeezed her hand, she looked back over at him, forcing a smile. She was being brave for him, and he wanted nothing more than to be brave for her, too.
“I’m jealous,” she said. Her voice broke, but she composed herself quickly. Quite the girl she was. “You’re getting the good drugs.”
He laughed weakly but stopped when the pain coursed through his body. She leaned forward, resting her lips on his forehead.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” he whispered. “For what?”
“Everything.”
“Addy.” Jay squeezed her hand again, feeling dizzy, but he couldn’t let her get away with thinking like that. “You’re the reason I’m still here.”