CH 51:Grief Wears My Name Twice (part 1)

Jake stood near the arrival gate, scanning the crowd nervously. The airport echoed around him—families reuniting, travelers holding their luggage, laughter and conversations blending with announcements overhead. Then he saw them. Nate and LJ, their faces bright, arms heavy with gadgets and gifts from Grandma’s house. “Hey, Jake. Hey Mom!” LJ yelled, racing toward them, holding a brand-new handheld game. Jake braced for impact when LJ tackled him with a hug. Nate followed, quieter but smiling, a little more grown-up than the last time Jake saw him. “Hey man. Hi Mom” Nate said, his voice steady but warm. Jake smiled, “Looks like your Grandma spoiled you guys.”
“We got all this cool new stuff,” LJ said, waving the game while smiling ear to ear. “She said mom needed time to get better and you were taking care of her and that you’re like family now, Jake.” Jake chuckled, feeling a warm feeling in his chest. “That means a lot, and yes I was. Even took care of y'alls awesome animals dude.” Renee stepped just behind them, her eyes locking on Jake’s with a smile that made his heart skip. She moved closer, brushing her hand against his, fingers intertwining only for a moment like they had never been apart.

"You ready?" Jake whisperedvflashing her a warm smile. The ride back was filled with the boys’ excited chatter about their trip, the new gadgets, and the adventures they’d had. Nate seemed quieter than usual, but he smiled when Jake teased LJ about trying to beat his high score. At the house, the comfort felt tangible. Jake stayed close, no tension with Renee—only love that shone in the small touches, the shared glances, the easy way they moved together. The kids bounced between them, laughter filling every corner. Renee soaked this in, her kids, young but almost grone already, still behaving like they were younger making her smile at their innocence- and Jake being there, made her feel peace. Yet beneath the surface, a quiet shadow lingered—unspoken and waiting.
The first few days passed with the usual chaos of returning kids—new gadgets and toys, stories of Grandma’s house and their cruise, and laughter filling the rooms. Jake and Renee settled into a gentle rhythm, their love obvious and unshakable. But Nate grew quieter. One evening, after dinner and the usual noise had faded, Nate lingered behind as LJ dashed off to bed. He approached Renee slowly, eyes serious.

“Hey Mom,” he said softly, voice steady but heavy. Renee looked up, heart tightening at his tone. “Hey, Nate. What’s on your mind?” He swallowed hard, eyes fixed down on the floor. “I saw him. Dad. One night.” His voice broke, barely a whisper. “He was yelling. Hurting you. Hitting you with his fists, kicking you...” Nate’s jaw clenched, but no tears came. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to do, I even thought it was a dream. But now... I’m old enough now. I’m old enough to protect you.” His eyes locked onto hers, fierce and unyielding. Renee didn't say antything as he explained what he saw, finally he finished with, “Jake better not hurt you. If he does... I’ll make sure that he regrets it after.” Renee’s breath hitched. The weight of his words stuck her in her chest. She reached out, pulling Nate into a gentle embrace. “Oh, Nate,” she whispered, voice trembling. “You shouldn't have to worry about that. Jake... Jake cares me. He’s nothing like your dad. He would never hurt me. Never.” Nate pulled back slightly, searching her face. “Are you sure?” She nodded firmly, wiping a tear that had escaped. “I’m sure. Your dad was a monster. But Jake? Jake is different. He’s here to protect us. To love us.”

They sat together in the quiet house, the night wrapping around them. Nate’s tough exterior softened just enough, but the scars of the past lingered, unseen yet deeply felt. Eventually after talking more about their trip and what he wanted to do for the next summer, Nate heads off to bed leaving Renee alone to soak it in. After finishing the dishes Renee made her way upstairs, she was more than ready for bed, to be held by Jake. Renee stepped into the room quietly, her heart still aching from the conversation she had with Nate. Jake stood near the bed, shirtless, folding the clothes he’d washed earlier. He looked over his shoulder, catching the look on her quiet face. “You okay babe?” he asked calmly, placing a shirt on the bed. She nodded, then went to sit on the edge of the bed. “I talked to Nate,” she said. Jake stilled. “Yeah? Whatcha talk about?”
“He remembers, Jake. Not everything… but enough. He said he saw Leo hit me. Said he watched from the stairs. That he never told me because he thought it was normal until he got older.”

Jake exhaled, the air between them growing thicker. “He said… he wants to protect me now. He is scared you'll be like Leo..” Jake sat beside her, silent for a small moment. Then he said, “I think they always knew more than we realize.” Renee looked at him quickly. “What do you mean?”
“I was there. At the hospital. After the miscarriage, with Leo.” he said quietly. “I knew what Leo had done. I didn’t witness the beating, but I saw the aftermath… the bruises, the blood. I confronted him that night. Threatened him.” Renee blinked, startled. “You knew... I lost a baby because of him?” Jake nodded, his voice cracking. “I figured it out when I heard a nurse say it looked like abuse. I wanted to tear him apart. But he was already spiraling—money laundering, shady deals and the fraud—I thought keeping my silence would protect you more than being more verbal. I wanted to kill him, but...” Tears swelled in her eyes. “I hid that memory, Jake. I never told anyone.”

Jake reached for her hand. “I didn’t say anything because I knew you didn’t want anyone to know. But I never forgot. And maybe… maybe the boys didn’t either.” She leaned into him, her head laying against his shoulder. “This whole time, I thought I was protecting them. But… they were protecting me too.” The house was quiet, too stale. Renee lay in bed beside Jake, his breathing steady, his presence warm—but her mind had drifted somewhere far colder. Even in love, the silence still moved in. Grief had a way of doing that—raging through the quiet moments like footsteps in an empty hall. She hadn’t spoken to Mike in months. She couldn’t. Not about the miscarriage. Not yet. Because this loss had opened the wound of another—one she never meant to shareThe first had come at the hands of Leo. Violence. Blood. Silence. The second, an accident wrapped in love and pleasure. Three different men. Same pain. Same emptiness. Same loss.

Jake didn’t know she’d signed up for the group therapy. She didn’t want to talk about it- about Mike yet… or the nightmares that kept replaying Leo’s fists, the blood, both times, the guilt she had from failing to protect her children, or the pain deep in her belly that whispered, never again. How do you sit with a bunch of strangers and speak of children you never got to hold? And worse… the love you never got to keep?